View single post by Andrea
 Posted: Wed Nov 6th, 2019 02:29 pm
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Andrea

 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2116
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Thank you Owen for the very helpful feedback. I was worried that the chorus did not fit well. I haven’t thought of an alternative yet, but will think about how to improve here.

I do kind of have a tune in my head, but might not be strictly country (as I am not that familiar with country music). Wish I could say I had music recorded, but I broke my wrist a while back and it put a damper on my guitar lessons. I am just starting to play again.

Yes, my rhyme scheme is XXAA. Do mean across verses in that line 2 in V1 will rhyme with line 2 in V2?

In V1 I went back and forth with this alternative line for “nurtured I followed in line” – By fortune I followed in line. Do you think this works better?

I’ll think on goods vs good stuff as well as belief vs plan

Mirandized is what I meant, so I will keep that.

I like made off instead of made away.

I will think about all this advice and try to make some changes soon.



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Andrea
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