Okay, here's my original Valentine's Day song
From a dream I had this morning (Valentine's Day 2023) also was going to work on Waylon Jennings' cover of Low Down Freedom and Omaha, but the life was out of them as I was haunted by this dream so focused on the dream and low and behold I took the key from Low Down Freedom and used it on this song. Am I on to something with the folk / country roots thing here? Thanks in advance! BTM
By BIG TEXAS MIKE (M.K.L)
VIDEO GAME DREAM ON VALENTINE'S DAY
Written by Big Texas Mike (M.K.L.)
February 14, 2023
It was Valentine's Day but I was
Still out of luck but my
Spirit had to soar
So I dreamt of you in a
Video game like dream where we
Hopped over chasms and arrived at our wedding bed doorstep
In the penthouse of a tower
Of a spiraling staircase headed up
Porter let us in the room
We chose I chose the LA room
Walking in was a stunning sight
Looking down was a top canopy in the early fall
Could have just as easily open the window but
Felt like you wanted them closed anyways we
Had AC
You were wondering if I could
Keep it up for the long run
Overtime I think I will
Cause you'd give me your love
Either way and that’s
Quite quite a treasure
We beat out a guy that was
Chasing us like they always
Say don't look back it might be gaining
And on a pallet we slung on a
Boom crane that lifted
Us out of the way
Mind you this is a video game
Scene I'm dreaming
About you and our wedding bed that day
You were all in white dressed in white hugging the
Pallets as we flew through the sky and I
Made sure you were warm
It put us down on another level
Evading the guy that was
Don't look back he might be gaining
Like I said it was a video game
Dream I had
Like I said it was a video game
Dream I had
On Valentine's Day
Comments
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Hi Mike, I think this song needs al little more work. I get the lyrics but I'm a little lost at the rhythm. The Idea of a love song and a video game is quite charming. Hope this helps...
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I agree with @StefPo . There's a good song in the making here but this is very much at the starting block. It needs some rhythm and a definite structure. But there's no rule that say a song has to be the finished article, so I like what I'm hearing so far. I can imagine what this could become.😀
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Ignore this second post..my computer is doing weird things and I can't delete it.
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Just think WAYLON JENNINGS "Low Down Freedom" for a rhythm and overall "feels" might be a start?
I can hear it with the "bum chicka bum chicka," and brush. Add a 'lil tempo and hurry it up just a bit?
Listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEqG7tJqsBo
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Mixing a video game with a love song is a clever idea, but I'm not sure it's working here yet.
It's not coming over (to me) as either comedic or romantic, so I'm not sure what it's meant to be.
Also, the stanzas all currently have the same pattern, and it feels desperately in need of a chorus or some kind of variation.
It's obviously at early stage and you're still working out lyrics and music (which IS a great time to get feedback!).
I feel like you need to decide what the song is about. Are you going for funny lines? Do you want it to be a twist reveal at the end that it's all a video game. What would give that away without just directly telling the listener?
And what's the hook or memorable phrasing you want to use to tie this all together?
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Yeah, that sounds good. Now I get where you going. The Waylon Jennings example is quite good, nevertheless I also get an "Angel from Montgomery"-vibe here, don't know why...:-) :-) :-)
When I construct the rhythm of a song, it always helps me to write the lines in a way they reflect the later-to-be song. This way I see very early on, where the lines don't match the music and/or the rythym of the song. To understand your song better (so to say: to get a better grip) I took the liberty to write down your song the way, I would have. I hope you don't mind and that I wrote down some additional suggestions based on the way you sang it in your video. It's always delicate to "judge" another artist work, so i hope you don't mind me doing so. If you hate it, just ignore it...:-)
VIDEO GAME DREAM ON VALENTINE'S DAY
Musiv & Lyrics by Big Texas Mike (M.K.L.)February 14, 2023It was Valentine's Day but I was still out of luck
but my Spirit had to soar
So, I dreamt of you in a Video game like dream
where we hopped over chasms and arrived at our wedding bed doorstep
(Suggestion: this line seems too long to me, it doesn’t’ roll easy from the tongue:-)
In the penthouse of a tower in a spiraling staircase
headed up, Porter let us in the room
I chose the LA room, walking in was a stunning sight
Looking out down was a top canopy in early fall
Could have just as easily open the window but
Felt like you wanted them closed, anyways we had AC
You were wondering if I could keep it up for the long run
And over time I think I will
Cause you'd give me your love either way
and that’s quite, quite a treasure
(Suggestion: and honey that’s really quite a treasure - rather than a double “quite)
We beat out a guy that was Chasing us like they always say
don't look back it might be gaining
(Suggestion: If it’s the guy, shouldn’t it be “he might be gaining”?)
And on a pallet, we slung on a Boom crane that lifted us
out of the way
Mind you this is a video game scene I'm dreaming
About you and our wedding bed that day
You were all in white dressed in white hugging the Pallet
(Suggestion: maybe get rid of the double “white” /
“You were all dressed in white and hugging the pallet”?)
as we flew through the sky and I made sure you were warm
It put us down on another level evading the guy that was
Don't look back he might be gaining
(Suggestion: I don’t understand this part, the first sentence seems not finished to me until the next line starts, but maybe this is due to me not being a native speaker…?)
Like I said it was a video game Dream I had...
Like I said it was a video game Dream I had
On Valentine's Day
Like I said it was a video game Dream I had
On Valentine's Day
On Valentine's Day
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I think you are onto something. It's a cute and original idea. To get the most out of it, I think it should maybe be more of a story focused on the singer and his love interest overcoming the dangers of the game and ending up together. There's a suggestion of this with the guy who is chasing them, but we don't have a description of him or rather how he looks on the screen. He could actually be a third character in the song - the villain that the hero has to overcome. And there could be more of a focus on the visuals of the game. To me, the parts of the song where you do this are the most fun - like the pallet and the crane.
I would definitely go up tempo with this, maybe even increasing the tempo to near frantic as the villain almost catches them.
Just my take on it and, reading it back, I can see that some of my suggestions might take the song in a bit of a different direction from what you might want.
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Not either but wistful. After all I just followed a basic chord progression and put myself infront of camera to recount my dream over said progression and the rough performance would be my second performance. Not wanting to work more on it until I get a bunch of rough ones like this and then really go at it. It seems an intuitive method for me. Sturgil Simpson said the same thing, these days he'd just show up to the studio with a bunch of notes and not really anything ready and everyone be like "what!"
I can't see adding more, it was one of those songs that came in a perfect burst. But if you heard the first time I sang: "Mind you this is a video game scene I'm dreaming. . ." I could match the phrasing up with the end which is basically the hook or chorus I want: "Like I said it was a video game Dream I had on Valentine's Day"
I say just wait if I ever get it to some rhythm and get it together a little more, then you'd get it. We'll see. Thanks for the feedback. Mike
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It's scary because the dream was so fresh and I'm even starting to forget the menacing feel of being chased through corridors and open spaces. Shoot, I wish I could take a brain scan of the dream. I think I just like to delight others and if I have I'm happy that you like the pallet and crane part. I'm going mellow at the moment and not thinking a musical or what frantic reminds me of. But things may change I don't know at this point. Serve the art, that's what they say right? Thanks! Mike
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Hey thanks for listening. I'm going to put this one on the shelf and just do something else so I'll put the modifications on hold for now. But as for "the guy that was. . . don't look back he might be gaining". I don't know if it passes or it's like a James Joyce sort of play and liberty but it can me changed a little but it leaves a freedom of interpretation I think, like: stopping in mid thought process to be back in the body in the moment where I'm being chased, or the guy that was he who might be gaining. Does that make sense. I got don't look back something is always gaining on you from James Hollis from the Art of Manliness interview about midlife transition, and how time or the biological clock, or imperative or feeling. . .
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You have a cool concept for a song and good ideas, Mike. It's always interesting to see and hear the writing process. I hope you develop it further.
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Thanks friend!
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