Someone Once Told Me

The lines seem disjointed to me.

alcohol. is misspelled. you have it alchool it should be alcohol :)that's probably a translation error :)

shouldn't the lines be - somebody once asked me / do you wanna dance, rather than somebody once told me / do you wanna dance .. I think the meaning you want is somebody asking you not telling you if you want to dance.

I think you are trying to write a dance song, but the energy isn't there. also, your cadence and line counts are off a bit. EDM is all about the beat and energy.

• “Someone once told me” (5 syllables)
• “Life is about luck and choice.” (7–8 syllables depending on delivery)
• “Some people have no luck;” (6 syllables)
• “Some people wanna dance.” (6 syllables)
• “do you wanna dance?” (5 syllables)
• “don’t take the pills to paradise” (8–9 syllables)
• “no alchool, no drugs, enjoy your life;” (11–12 syllables)
• “show me your moves, i like your style;” (10 syllables)
• “trees are green, sky is blue;” (6 syllables)
• “The wind run into you.” (6 syllables but broken English)

you could also break the verse up into 2 verse and end on - enjoy the moment - do a drop, then go into next verse

or use somebody once asked me / do you wanna dance as a repeating refrain to give people something to hook on to .

The concept is there. just need to tighten it up a bit more. and it will be a great dance song.

You have really interesting ideas., I would keep going and keep posting, everybody here will help you get better. Plus you have a knack for music selection. The music style for this song was spot on.

what helps me, is to do what I do. when I write my lyrics, I then post them on the 4 a's ChatGPT, Gemini, CoPliot and Claude, then prompt with the style I'm going for, if the lyrics follow a flow, and get me a syllable count to make sure the timing is there.

In EDM, everything is in 4's or 8's. 4/4 time with either 4 beat phrasing or 8 beat.

This site might help - List of electronic music genres - Wikipedia it has all of the current EDM styles, so you can grab one or two and see how they sound.

Since English isn't your first language, and Portuguese (I'm guessing form you being brazilian), I would write the song in your language, then post both versions. I would be curious to see this in your language, with that beat. I think that would be epic.

You also might want to post your songs here - https://audius.co/

Not my genre but I really like this track. It's got a positive vibe which is most welcome in these troubled times. I think it repeats itself a bit too much towards the end, but this could be me not understanding this kind of music. A good listen - I enjoyed it.

I only use it to get word counts and all that. not to change the lyrics at all. Usually, it comes back with garbage. so you have to prompt to not change the lyrics, for example if you are going for Acid house, it will analyze the lyrics and tell you which lines are long or breaks the cadence. the same goes for any genre. If ChatGPT or any of the others change my lyrics, then they are no longer my lyrics, plus 99% of the time it's gibberish. what they are programmed to do is scan your lyrics, then come with the most popular similar lyrics assign a weight and the highest weight wins, after normalizing the weights., so songs like mine which are full of abstraction, gets sanitized.