The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Plead and Hear
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Mon Jun 4th, 2012 01:59 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
d.RSnyder
Member


Joined: Tue May 29th, 2012
Location: Kent/Brimfield, Ohio USA
Posts: 78
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
A different style song that is basically written as a two part conversation between someone and God. First half of the song is someone who is really questioning. The second half of the song is God's reply. It's very personal as I struggle with these feelings at times.


Plead and Hear
by: Greg Snyder (2012)


What in the world

Do you want with me?

What in the world

Do you see in me?


How will I ever see?

How do I get control of me?


Why in the world

Do you love me?

So many times

You’ve put up with me


How can I find some peace?

I feel so weak in this time of need



My child

I formed your heart

My masterpiece

Only one of your kind


I created you to need me

I’ve conquered death

Just believe


I see who you are

And what you can be

Become my vessel

So that others might see


That I loved you at the cost of my son

I love you more than anyone



____________________
http://www.reverbnation.com/dismantlerepair
https://www.facebook.com/pages/dismantleRepair/112754433027
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 4th, 2012 04:27 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
bmwrigh
Member


Joined: Tue May 22nd, 2012
Location: Texas USA
Posts: 199
Favorite Artist: SCHOOL OF WORSHIP
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I THINK THIS IS A GOOD LYRIC AND SOMETHING WE CAN ALL RELATE TO FROM TIME TO TIME



____________________
I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S ACTUALLY SONG WRITING OR
GOD LISTENING BUT EITHER WAY TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jun 4th, 2012 10:44 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
Roy Harris
Member


Joined: Sun Oct 9th, 2005
Location: Texarkana, Texas USA
Posts: 3763
Favorite Artist: Hank Williams
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Good verses, but you need a chorus in between the conversation to break the connection of you speaking and God speaking.  Now here is just an example of what I am talking and by no means I am saying this is what you should use, but to give you and idea.

I had my doubts so on my knees
I asked God for direction
I was drifting along aimlessly
Looking for a connection
From above I heard a voice
With a mighty wave of his hand
He lifted me up and said to me
This is my master plan

And then repeat the chorus after Gods verses.  You know, after reading that, I kind of like it. lol.  You can use it if you want to, as they say, keep or sweep.

Also, I would change one of YOUR kind to one of A kind.  Just my thoughts on it.



____________________
I was raised in a large family in a small house. I never slept alone until after I got married.
http://www.reverbnation.com/royharris
http://www.soundclick.com/royharris
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 4th, 2012 12:43 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
d.RSnyder
Member


Joined: Tue May 29th, 2012
Location: Kent/Brimfield, Ohio USA
Posts: 78
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thank you both for taking the time to read the words. Roy, I knew the song lacked a true chorus and I kind of like that it doesn't have one. The way it's sung and played, it comes across a little like " The Edmund Fitzgerald " with instrumental breaks between the verses. That being said, I really like your idea of adding a chorus like the one that you masterfully penned above. You got my brain churning which is what this is all about. Thank you again for taking time to read. I'm thankful and humbled. I'll let you know what I come up with and in which direction it all goes.



____________________
http://www.reverbnation.com/dismantlerepair
https://www.facebook.com/pages/dismantleRepair/112754433027
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jun 11th, 2012 05:17 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Jakemeadows
Member
 

Joined: Thu Jun 7th, 2012
Location:  
Posts: 93
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Hi Greg
Quite an original concept and it works well.I do think and agree with Roy that a C is needed.The V's unfold the inner conflict and God's response.The C could take your turmoil one step further perhaps with a positive outcome.Negative'sdon't work so well in gospel music JMO
Best of luck with it
Jake

Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 11th, 2012 06:46 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
d.RSnyder
Member


Joined: Tue May 29th, 2012
Location: Kent/Brimfield, Ohio USA
Posts: 78
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Jake, I don't look at it as "negative"... more contemplative which is where the song is. I've recently played with the idea of intertwining the portions of the song as prayer, answer, prayer, answer instead of prayer, prayer, answer, answer. I'll post an audio sample soon and would LOVE your input after you hear it. I think it translates after a listen. Thanks for taking the time bro...



____________________
http://www.reverbnation.com/dismantlerepair
https://www.facebook.com/pages/dismantleRepair/112754433027
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jun 11th, 2012 07:14 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
Jakemeadows
Member
 

Joined: Thu Jun 7th, 2012
Location:  
Posts: 93
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
No problem send me a PM any tme
Jake

Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Jun 13th, 2012 10:57 pm
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
SundownSam
Super Moderator


Joined: Thu Jul 24th, 2008
Location: Ellenwood , Georgia USA
Posts: 7967
Favorite Artist: Danny, James, Dennis, Charles, Rob, Don, Art, John, Mike ...
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Geeez, Greg...sorry again!!!I've also let this one slip past me! :( But I have just finishing reading Roy's comment on your thread in the Lyrics Lounge and I have to agree with him about it needing something to lead us into to the part where God speaks to you. Even if it's just a slight addition to your existing line it would help us better understand that this is where God now comes into the conversation. But like Roy, I'm not suggesting you use what I have added below, this is just a means of showing you what I'm talking about.  But other than this one little nit, I think it's a really good song, and as always, you sing it beautifully. :) 


God said, my child

I formed your heart

My masterpiece

Only one of your kind


Feeling compelled to share this with you, Greg. Even though I'm sure it appears that all I do is sit here in the forum all day twiddling my thumbs, please know this is truly not the case! lol The whole entire Admin team has been hard at work behind the scenes for about month now working out the details of some of the new things that we are wanting to do for the forum. But, I can see right now that I am going to have shape up and learn how to multi-task a little better!!! :shock::D lol Thanks for your patience Greg and like I always say ...we're slow, but sure ....and will eventually get around to it! :)



____________________
First you write it with your heart - then you re-write it with your head

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=1021080







Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jun 14th, 2012 01:03 am
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
d.RSnyder
Member


Joined: Tue May 29th, 2012
Location: Kent/Brimfield, Ohio USA
Posts: 78
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
sam, your thoughts and insight are always welcome here... this site is great the way it is and anything you do to it will be wonderful I'm sure. there's a link under music database/gospel for a quick audio that I did of the song. it looks like you probably found it. the song is a bit left of center as far as it's composition. dave and I worked on it last night and the instrumentation changes depending on who's speaking... I seriously am beginning to think that a song is truly never, really finished. it just keeps growing.



____________________
http://www.reverbnation.com/dismantlerepair
https://www.facebook.com/pages/dismantleRepair/112754433027
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jun 14th, 2012 10:55 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
SundownSam
Super Moderator


Joined: Thu Jul 24th, 2008
Location: Ellenwood , Georgia USA
Posts: 7967
Favorite Artist: Danny, James, Dennis, Charles, Rob, Don, Art, John, Mike ...
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
d.RSnyder wrote: sam, your thoughts and insight are always welcome here... this site is great the way it is and anything you do to it will be wonderful I'm sure. there's a link under music database/gospel for a quick audio that I did of the song. it looks like you probably found it. the song is a bit left of center as far as it's composition. dave and I worked on it last night and the instrumentation changes depending on who's speaking... I seriously am beginning to think that a song is truly never, really finished. it just keeps growing.
Geez! I'm starting to think that maybe Sundown Sam needs to take a vacation!!! :shock:

I did see your thread in the music database Greg and did listen to your song there. In fact, as you can see, this is where I thought I was when I made this comment! LOL 

Oh well! If it wasn't so funny to me I might be embarrassed about it, but under the circumstances I guess you'll just have to chalk it up to having a senior moment! :D LOL



____________________
First you write it with your heart - then you re-write it with your head

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=1021080







Back To Top


Current time is 02:36 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1793 seconds (20% database + 80% PHP). 27 queries executed.