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Lament of the Everyday Inn
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 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 12:46 am
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alytrain
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Joined: Thu Jun 17th, 2010
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The Everyday Inn is the place I fell in love with songwriting.  June of this year, my husband and I spent 4 nights there for a music festival, listening to great bands all day.  In the evening the musicians staying at the Everyday Inn would gather outside their rooms and play songs with one another until the wee hours of the morning.  I was smitten.  Nonetheless, the Everyday Inn is a real dive of a motel.  And while I wanted to write a song about it, I knew, to do the Inn justice, it couldn't be pretty.  So here it is:

LAMENTOF THE EVERYDAY INN

© 2010 Amber Train

V1

A glance held just a little long

Touch of color rose on her cheek

still it took a while to happen

Since neither he nor she were free

 

Her husband's on the road again

When she got caught out in the storm

So she called her friend to get help

who sent her man with no alarm

CHORUS
:

Now three towns over and once a week

He checks in first and gets the key

She pulls around back and feels alive again

In the artful embrace of the Everyday Inn

V2

That first afternoon hell was heaven

They drank wine drownin out their sin

Gave no thought to outside that room

didn’t think through what they’d began

 

She begged him to do things to her

She’d never let her husband do

She cried when they had to go home

Lied swearing that she’d be true

 

Chorus:

Now three towns over and once a week

He checks in first and gets the key

She pulls around back and feels alive again

In the artful embrace of the Everyday Inn



V3
:

 
A month passes by just the same

‘Cept he starts whisp-rin he loves her

But the panel walls have got so dreary

She’s starting to feel smothered

 

He begins getting dumb reckless

Getting drunk and calling her home

To her it ain’t sweet just tiresome

she plans to tell him, soon, she’s done

But til then,

CHORUS
:

Three towns over and once a week

He checks in first and gets the key

She pulls around back and feels alive again

In the artful embrace of the Everyday Inn

 

Attachment: everyday-inn-vt.jpg (Downloaded 46 times)

Last edited on Wed Jul 28th, 2010 12:50 am by alytrain



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 Posted: Wed Jul 28th, 2010 02:27 am
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blukatnga
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Three towns over and once a week

He checks in first and gets the key

She pulls around back and feels alive again

In the artful embrace of the Everyday Inn


Aly, I just LOVE your symbolism and your personal twist on everday happenings. If your songwriting gigs dont pan out you really should write short stories as you have a very, very unique perspective on the things that life is made of. I so cant wait for what you'll write next. Your pretty raw a few places here but I suppose Dennis will let you know if he needs to reel you in...lol ! Anyway, I am a big Alytrain fan and you are special !! The Everyday Inn looks as I would have imagined, and a place I know love gets compromised a lot!!

Last edited on Wed Jul 28th, 2010 07:49 pm by blukatnga

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 Posted: Thu Jul 29th, 2010 10:19 pm
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terrypicker
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I don't know really what to say about this one. :? It definitely has that sleezy appeal that some people might cater to.   I usually don't write  in this catagory so I'm certainly no authority on this. 
I like the chorus, it sums things up fairly well, I think.  Yet, it does it in a vague enough way, to leave something to the imagination.  
I think there may be a bit too much play by play in the building of the story, in order to get it back to the chorus. 
I think it needs something more toward the end of the song, a Twist, a Bridge, or perhaps a combination of the two. Something to redirect the story's direction of impact. 

To sum up the message content of this song it basically comes down to:  "We go to the Everyday Inn once a week and we cheat on our spouses; even though it's growing tiresome, we still take the chance of wrecking our marriages and we do it any way." 

IMHO, I think a song on this topic needs to contain a Moral-Life-Lesson, to complete the story and bring it closure; because there are always detrimental consequences to cheating on a spouse, and a friend. For instance, what would you want a daughter, a cousin, or friend to glean from this song, in a helpful way? 

Just my opinion. I think the song has potential.  It just isn't finished yet. :)

 



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 Posted: Fri Jul 30th, 2010 02:16 am
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blukatnga
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Third rate romance, Low rent rendezvous

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 Posted: Fri Jul 30th, 2010 03:42 pm
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alytrain
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So I've been mulling over Terry's request for a moral lesson to be added to this song.  And, I agree, doing so would make it a nicer song.  I cringe myself when I read through these lyrics and I don't find myself very sympathetic to the characters!  And, I could certainly wrap it up with a lesson, but I feel like I want to do something different. 

And I know the approach isn't for everyone,  but as a comparison, I am a huge fan of the short story genre, but the stories I am most drawn to are the ones that don't end with a tidy lesson that we could learn from.  I am most drawn to those stories that take a look at life and report rawly on the characters in it.  The characters are portrayed  in all there ugly, wonderful, tainted, twisted, beautiful, loving, hateful, selves.  I think it makes people, including myself, feel a little less lonely in the world to realize that we are all flawed in some way, and that is part of the human condition . .  Darrell, from your comments, I think you might get what I'm trying to do here and don't think I'm writing ugly, just for the sake of writing ugly . . .

So, this is one of the ugly stories, but I will also continue to search for and write the redeeming stories as well . . .

Does any of this make sense or am I shouting into the wind at myself??  LOL



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 Posted: Fri Jul 30th, 2010 06:15 pm
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Dusty Demos
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alytrain wrote: So I've been mulling over Terry's request for a moral lesson to be added to this song.  And, I agree, doing so would make it a nicer song.  I cringe myself when I read through these lyrics and I don't find myself very sympathetic to the characters!  And, I could certainly wrap it up with a lesson, but I feel like I want to do something different. 

And I know the approach isn't for everyone,  but as a comparison, I am a huge fan of the short story genre, but the stories I am most drawn to are the ones that don't end with a tidy lesson that we could learn from.  I am most drawn to those stories that take a look at life and report rawly on the characters in it.  The characters are portrayed  in all there ugly, wonderful, tainted, twisted, beautiful, loving, hateful, selves.  I think it makes people, including myself, feel a little less lonely in the world to realize that we are all flawed in some way, and that is part of the human condition . .  Darrell, from your comments, I think you might get what I'm trying to do here and don't think I'm writing ugly, just for the sake of writing ugly . . .

So, this is one of the ugly stories, but I will also continue to search for and write the redeeming stories as well . . .

Does any of this make sense or am I shouting into the wind at myself??  LOL

If THAT'S not a hook for a new song,then I don't know what is....run with it!

As far as the lyrics I totally get it,good write about a subject that happens all the time.....gee how would I know?:(



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 Posted: Mon Aug 2nd, 2010 01:35 am
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blukatnga
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alytrain wrote: So I've been mulling over Terry's request for a moral lesson to be added to this song.  And, I agree, doing so would make it a nicer song.  I cringe myself when I read through these lyrics and I don't find myself very sympathetic to the characters!  And, I could certainly wrap it up with a lesson, but I feel like I want to do something different. 

And I know the approach isn't for everyone,  but as a comparison, I am a huge fan of the short story genre, but the stories I am most drawn to are the ones that don't end with a tidy lesson that we could learn from.  I am most drawn to those stories that take a look at life and report rawly on the characters in it.  The characters are portrayed  in all there ugly, wonderful, tainted, twisted, beautiful, loving, hateful, selves.  I think it makes people, including myself, feel a little less lonely in the world to realize that we are all flawed in some way, and that is part of the human condition . .  Darrell, from your comments, I think you might get what I'm trying to do here and don't think I'm writing ugly, just for the sake of writing ugly . . .

So, this is one of the ugly stories, but I will also continue to search for and write the redeeming stories as well . . .

Does any of this make sense or am I shouting into the wind at myself??  LOL

I TOTALLY agree Aly !!  Life is not tidy at all in the final analysis is it ?  I dont care at all if your writing just to be ugly.  You have already shown you can be tender Aly with several of your works.  It just goes to your versatility for sure.  Truly, the only nit I would think you might run into if you trying to "sell" this tune would be the wonderful action goin on in the one verse lol.  For the campfire and TSF, I say Roll with it !!  I like it just like it is.  No redemption at this place and we all know it!!  That IS the message to me at least.   Go Girl !!

Attachment: ACAG574TVCAN1JVSMCAJULLCUCAL967YPCAJCOSEUCATM1EAICAD2HJUECA3J3P3PCAX6SXLOCAL377BUCANEY7I2CA59UP1FCAA2X35OCA36HSBLCAL1X3DJCAKMFKCMCA89FLRYCAUC2S1X.jpg (Downloaded 17 times)

Last edited on Mon Aug 2nd, 2010 01:45 am by blukatnga

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