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alytrain
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Joined: Thu Jun 17th, 2010
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 313
Favorite Artist: Fred Eaglesmith, Lucinda Williams, Tommy Womack, Freakwater
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
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Thanks to the extremely helpful feedback, I edited this song aggresively.  I also now have a tune for the entire song and I believe it is holding together nicely when I sing it.  As always, more feedback is appreciated.

 

Weep the Weep of a Widow (ver 2)
(c) 2010 Amber Train

WEEP THE WEEP OF A WIDOW:
 
V1

We wed just a week before he left for Parris Island
Then I packed up and headed south to LeJeune
child was in my belly we really didn’t have a plan 
no crib, don’t worry, combat pay’s coming soon

I watched as he set off on that ship to Afghanistan,

A woman beside me stood protestin in a chant
 
 
Bridge:

 

Then she turned and said somethin I didn't understand, she said girl, if you’re lucky . . .

Chorus:
 
You’ll weep the weep of a widow,
Then You’ll cry into your pillow
You’ll be able to wash away your sorrow
You’ll be able to start anew tomorrow
 
V2:


I’d long sit and watch the television anxious for news
Letters came some, I didn’t know him anymore
All the pieces he left out of them, it left me confused
I knew he’s just tryn to protect me from war
 
One day a captain calls and tells me he’s hurt but survived
then he’s home in a wheelchair, a babe again
others told me so many died you’re lucky he’s alive
although a shell of a man, filled up with pain

And,


Bridge:
I remember she said softly I couldn’t barely hear, she said girl, if you’re lucky
 
Chorus:
 
You’ll weep the weep of a widow
You’ll cry into your pillow, then
You’ll be able to wash away your sorrow, and
Somehow you’ll start anew tomorrow
 
V3:
 
I used to iron his uniform and polish his boots
Now I change his clothes and feed him his food
 
When the pills put him to sleep I sit and swing on the porch
The moon glows soft – a ghost of romance’s torch


And I think of his eyes, all scared and angry and sorry
And I know  if he could speak, he'd say darkly
 
Chorus:
 
I wish you coulda wept the weep of a widow
You could’ve  cried into your pillow

then you could’ve washed away your sorrow 
and you could’ve started anew tomorrow.

 


 
And when I look deep, its hard but its true,

I do wish, often, I’z a widow starting anew

 

Last edited on Wed Jun 23rd, 2010 04:42 pm by alytrain

Janke
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Joined: Fri Jul 9th, 2010
Location: Harpers Ferry, USA
Posts: 1119
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I saw zeroes in reply to this, so I figured I'd found a rare, lonely lyric to look over. I have a couple of thoughts about this. I like the piece on a tough, timely subject. But, I would prefer reversing weep and cry. 'Weep the weep' seems weird to me. Maybe it's just me. I'd say 'cry the cry...' and 'weep into your pillow.' I'd also prefer the word 'again' to anew,' which seems archaic. Other than that, as far as I can see, if the meter works out into a singable lyric, this could be a haunting, powerful song.

terrypicker
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Joined: Sun Jul 22nd, 2007
Location: Grand Junction, Colorado USA
Posts: 2614
Favorite Artist: Country/Folk/Gospel/Christian Artists
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
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Hey Girl good to see you back again, I've missed seeing you around here. :)

I remember this one, very sad but all so real.  Reminds me somewhat of Ruby don't take your love to town, only being told from Ruby's point of view.  Not entirely, of course but somewhat.  The song I mentioned was to tell the life change and impact that war on the injured soldier.  This song has no less impact than that one did.  Interesting how a person's mind can actually hold the choice of these two outcomes in the balance of preference. I'm anxious to hear it! :) 


Sorry about that.  :( I didn't notice the date on the post earlier.

Last edited on Thu Sep 16th, 2010 12:53 am by terrypicker


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