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| Posted: Sun Jun 20th, 2010 05:19 pm |
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1st Post |
alytrain
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| Joined: | Thu Jun 17th, 2010 |
| Location: | Santa Fe, NM |
| Posts: | 313 |
| Favorite Artist: | Fred Eaglesmith, Lucinda Williams, Tommy Womack, Freakwater | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter |
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Thanks to the extremely helpful feedback, I edited this song aggresively. I also now have a tune for the entire song and I believe it is holding together nicely when I sing it. As always, more feedback is appreciated.
Weep the Weep of a Widow (ver 2)
(c) 2010 Amber Train
WEEP THE WEEP OF A WIDOW:
V1
We wed just a week before he left for Parris Island
Then I packed up and headed south to LeJeune
child was in my belly we really didn’t have a plan
no crib, don’t worry, combat pay’s coming soon
I watched as he set off on that ship to Afghanistan,
A woman beside me stood protestin in a chant
Bridge:
Then she turned and said somethin I didn't understand, she said girl, if you’re lucky . . .
Chorus:
You’ll weep the weep of a widow,
Then You’ll cry into your pillow
You’ll be able to wash away your sorrow
You’ll be able to start anew tomorrow
V2:
I’d long sit and watch the television anxious for news
Letters came some, I didn’t know him anymore
All the pieces he left out of them, it left me confused
I knew he’s just tryn to protect me from war
One day a captain calls and tells me he’s hurt but survived
then he’s home in a wheelchair, a babe again
others told me so many died you’re lucky he’s alive
although a shell of a man, filled up with pain
And,
Bridge:
I remember she said softly I couldn’t barely hear, she said girl, if you’re lucky
Chorus:
You’ll weep the weep of a widow
You’ll cry into your pillow, then
You’ll be able to wash away your sorrow, and
Somehow you’ll start anew tomorrow
V3:
I used to iron his uniform and polish his boots
Now I change his clothes and feed him his food
When the pills put him to sleep I sit and swing on the porch
The moon glows soft – a ghost of romance’s torch
And I think of his eyes, all scared and angry and sorry
And I know if he could speak, he'd say darkly
Chorus:
I wish you coulda wept the weep of a widow
You could’ve cried into your pillow
then you could’ve washed away your sorrow
and you could’ve started anew tomorrow.
And when I look deep, its hard but its true,
I do wish, often, I’z a widow starting anew
Last edited on Wed Jun 23rd, 2010 05:42 pm by alytrain
____________________
"If not now, when?" Fred Eaglesmith
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| Posted: Wed Sep 15th, 2010 05:39 pm |
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2nd Post |
Janke
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 9th, 2010 |
| Location: | Harpers Ferry, USA |
| Posts: | 1117 |
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I saw zeroes in reply to this, so I figured I'd found a rare, lonely lyric to look over. I have a couple of thoughts about this. I like the piece on a tough, timely subject. But, I would prefer reversing weep and cry. 'Weep the weep' seems weird to me. Maybe it's just me. I'd say 'cry the cry...' and 'weep into your pillow.' I'd also prefer the word 'again' to anew,' which seems archaic. Other than that, as far as I can see, if the meter works out into a singable lyric, this could be a haunting, powerful song.
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| Posted: Thu Sep 16th, 2010 12:54 am |
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3rd Post |
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I didn't notice the date on the post earlier. 
