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My Lost Love
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 Posted: Fri May 14th, 2010 07:11 am
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Andy
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Comments welcome.....thanks...:)


My Lost Love

© Andy Chumbley May 2010

8 bar intro

Verse 1
I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye
and tell her we are one
my heart is sad and broken
I don't know what I’ve done?

Chorus
She’s not around to hear my plea
so I’ll send a prayer above
I’m sure the angel’s will help me
find my lost love

32 counts

Verse 2
My life has changed, I feel the pain
of losing one so dear
I feel so helpless and so lost
knowing she's not here

Chorus
She’s not around to hear my plea
so I’ll send a prayer above
I’m sure the angel’s will help me
find my lost love

32 count…..instrumental..(something guitar and violin??)

Verse 3
One day soon I hope and pray
my dreams will come true
when I can hold her close again
and share the love we knew

Chorus
She’s not around to hear my plea
so I’ll send a prayer above
I’m sure the angel’s will help me
find my lost love

Chorus
She’s not around to hear my plea
so I’ll send a prayer above
I’m sure the angel’s will help me
find my lost love


Last edited on Mon May 17th, 2010 11:11 pm by Andy

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 Posted: Fri May 14th, 2010 11:27 pm
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SundownSam
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Andy, I am really proud of you! You have been steady plugging away on this song ever since you got here and with each new posting it has gotten better and better! I still stumbling a little in a few places when reading it, but if you already have a melody in mind for it then the music may very well be taking care of those places.

This is just my two, but I think the chorus needs to be spiced up a little more, it's lacking a little in the punch you want your chorus to have when it comes in following the verses. Unfortuantely, I don't have anything I can offer at the moment on what that might be, but if I think of anything I'll yell back atcha. 

All in all Andy it's shapely up really nicely. :cool: Way to hang in there and show it who's boss!!!  



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 Posted: Fri May 14th, 2010 11:50 pm
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Andy
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Thank you Sara, I do listen to what you say. What lines are giving you fits. I just read it again in monotone and I can't find anything that screams...."rework me.....rework me!" Let me know and I'll give it another go. Also, the chorus (I thought) seems just about right to me. What exactly makes it weak and how could I "spice" it up?
Melody?....I went out and bought BIAB about a week ago and I do have a very rough melody and chord progression worked out. I have also sent another member an e-mail asking for some guidance on the darned thing........no response as yet.  I'm an engineer and this thing has thousands of "finer points" to play with and is giving me nightmares. I have a fairly good handle on the basics but......................well, you know the rest. ;)
I would be happy to send you what I have for you to get the feel of the music and lyrics if you have time? A "no" won't offend me either.....I know you and everyone else is busy.....so am I. 

Thanks for your response.

Andy

Oh, I have already choreographed a dance to my future music.....what a blast that was!!:):)

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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 12:55 am
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SundownSam
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Andy wrote: ....I went out and bought BIAB about a week ago .....I'm an engineer and this thing ....is giving me nightmares!  
LOL  Join the crowd!!! It 's doing that to a lot of us these days! :shock:

Andy, nothing is actually giving me fits, it reads much smoother now than it did in the beginning! But since you're asking, here's a whole nickels worth this time and if this is a little too much pocket change for you please feel free to keep or sweep, okay? I may have to do this in stages as it comes to me, but here is the first coupla three suggestions.

In verse one, the second line seems a little forced to me, the rest is fine.  

Verse 1
I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye
too tell her we are one
my heart is sad and broken
I can’t imagine what I’ve done?

In verse two, the second line is the one I stumble a little on, it doesn't seem to read quite as smooth as the rest of it. But it may just be me.:?

Verse 2
My life has changed, I feel the pain
of losing the one I hold so dear
now I feel so helpless
knowing you are not here

In verse three, I stumble a little again on line 4.  But here again it may just be me.

Verse 3
One day soon I hope and pray
my dreams will come true
when I can hold you close again
and share the love we once knew

Lastly, on the chorus: Still don't know what to tell you on this part, but I'm going to have to stick by my original thoughts on it and say I still think it needs a little more of 'something' ....just don't know what yet.  :? But one more thing and then I'll go away and leave you alone for a while. The last line of the chorus is another place that seems to lose the flow a little. However, in this case, not enough words to make it flow as smoothly as the rest of the lines. 

Chorus
She’s not around to hear my plea
so I’ll send a prayer above
I’m sure the angel’s will help me
find my lost love


Andy send it on, you've peaked my curosity. Oh and congrats on choreographing the dance! Sounds as though you're really starting to have fun with your songwriting and making music! :cool: 



 



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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 01:06 am
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Andy
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Ok....now I know. I have since done a little to Verse 2 because it didn't flow for me either when I started looking at it after your observations. I'm rhyming lines two and four this time around and it's difficult to make that happen with the words I've used....I may have to re-evaluate my lines?
I will send you what I have in the music department.....I know it's not very good but I don't know how to fix it without starting over every time I don't like something....at least you will be able to sing along with what I have. Thanks,

Andy

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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 01:21 am
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SundownSam
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Word of caution Andy. It may mean more work but you need to try and stay with the same rhyming scheme throughout the song or again you'll loose your flow. But also please bear in mind that the suggestions I'm making here, aren't written in stone. ;) 



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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 01:25 am
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Andy
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Hmmmmmm.I thought I did with the two and four lines in every verse......am I missing something here? :o)

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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 01:36 am
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SundownSam
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Oops! I misunderstood what you said Andy! My mistake! You're doing just fine in the rhyming department, so ignore that last post of mine and keep on keeping on! Sorry, 'bout that! :?

 

Last edited on Sat May 15th, 2010 03:49 am by SundownSam



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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 01:41 am
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Andy
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No problem Sara.....Look over what I sent and let me know what you think........;)......I know you will!!  :)

I'm off to dance........talk to you soon and thanks again.

Andy

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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 03:40 pm
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SundownSam
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I listened to your melody this morning Andy and I'm impressed. You came up with a nice country sound for your lyric and I think the two of them are going to fit nicely together when all is said and done. I know the music is in it's early stages, but once you learn a little more about what you're doing with BIAB I think you're going to be really proud of what you've done here.  So hang in there and keep working on it (as a whole) until you get it where you want it, then plug in a microphone and record it and put it in open mic one week for us to listen to. :)

Last edited on Sat May 15th, 2010 03:40 pm by SundownSam



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 Posted: Sat May 15th, 2010 03:58 pm
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Andy
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Thanks Sara.....will do.  :)

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 Posted: Sun May 16th, 2010 03:41 am
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blukatnga
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Very,very well written Andy.  You can just say a song to yourself or just observe it's metre and even without a melody, you can see it would be effortless.  I could easily come up with a melody for this write and that's good writing folks.  Great job!

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 Posted: Sun May 16th, 2010 10:47 pm
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Arthur Holt
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Hi Andy,  this is looking and reading much better. Congrats on BIAB purchase .



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 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 01:07 am
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Andy
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Thanks "B",  I appreciate that. I will keep working on it until it's right (in my mind)  I may take you up on the music if the person I e-mailed doesn't get back to me soon. Also, I just made it more "effortless" by removing some unnecessary words.....it made a difference.

Andy

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 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 01:41 am
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SundownSam
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Andy, I'm loving it! You're doing so good with this. Where you've made the changes does indeed read smoother. Oh... and how 'bout you just forget what I said about the chorus and sing it as you have it. Sometimes we just have to do what feels right to us. There's actually nothing wrong with the way you have it, I was just saying a few more lines might give it a little added punch. But you've done really well with the lyrics! Now, go show BIAB who's boss! lol  :)



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 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 01:54 am
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Andy
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;)..........thanks Sara, I will for now....however, it's lodged in my brain and if I do get an idea I will make the change......guaranteed!!  :)  BIAB.........................that is another story....I love it but.....................:?

Andy

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 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 08:45 pm
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Keith Austin
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Hi Andy,

Just read your lyric and all the posts.
Your chorus is perfect because it really puts the emotional content out there. Heart on your sleve, so to speak.
The verses are nice and conversational and the story progresses well from verse to verse.
There is one thing that comes over a little odd though.
All the sections start with I,She,My etc.except one, then in the middle lines you refer to this girl as you.
It's not critical, but, might be more convincing if the persona were more consistent. i.e. Stay with she or you but not both.
Just my 2 bucks worth. A cool song all the same.

Kind regards

Keith Austin.

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 Posted: Mon May 17th, 2010 09:24 pm
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Andy
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Thanks Keith,

I appreciate the nice comments and funny thing.....I just read in one of my many books about that very thing and changed the word to "her." ....Great minds..;)

I have also added my voice to the music from BIAB and as soon as I figure out how to change it to an MP3 I will get it to Troy.

Andy

Last edited on Tue May 18th, 2010 04:56 am by Andy

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 Posted: Sat Jun 5th, 2010 01:56 pm
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Keith Austin
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Hi Andy,

You're welcome.
Have a look at one of mine.

Keith.

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 Posted: Sun Jun 6th, 2010 04:57 am
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Dennis Railey
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 Hey Andy, looking forward to hearing the music!



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