This is a really nice melody. It's the kind of song that is hard to pull off, and yet, you have the range and timbre in your voice to really do it justice.
It's a great song as it stands, however, if it were destined for radio play I would have done a few things differently.
Firstly. The length of the song might be too much for a radio edit. This is a tough one because slow songs take longer to get through than more up tempo ones and you possibly need all that time to lay the story out.
Secondly, in the later part of the song where you have introduced the drums and a little more orchestration, the song is so much easier on the ear. I would have possibly brought this feel into play earlier in the song, maybe second verse.(Maybe had only one verse before the first chorus?)
Lastly. I agree with Dennis about the panning of the voice. It is a nice effect, but could be more subtle. Possibly varying from 11 o'clock to 1 o'clock rather than 9 o'clock to 3 o'clock.
Dan Fogelberg, Steely Dan, Alan Parsons, Steve Winwood , Joni ...
I am a:
Ah, A late one! I almost forgot I posted this.
Thanks for your comments, Keith. I wouldn't consider this song for radio play anyway. I was thinking along the lines of Dan Fogelberg and two of his "album cuts". One was the first track on his very first album "Home Free". The song is "To The Morning". The other is the title track from his "Netherlands" album. I wrote this song along those lines in structure. "Radio Ready" doesn't mean all that much to me, but I appreciate your comments and kind words.