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The Room
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 Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2010 04:44 pm
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Roy Harris
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The Room

I awoke in a darkened room
Where I was all alone
The walls were lined with cards
My name was on every one
Each card told of my sins
I read them one by one
My entire life was on those walls
Oh Lord what have I done.

Then Jesus suddenly appeared
There was sadness in His eyes
My heart trembled as I said
I’m guilty, I cannot lie
He took the pen from my hand
And signed His name over mine
Jesus cancelled out my sins
One card at a time

Chorus
My room is filled with brightness
Cause I let the Son come in
Glory Hallelujah
Jesus cancelled out my sins

Bridge
Now I walk the straight and narrow
My life is full of pride
I know that I am Heaven bound
With Jesus at my side

My room is filled with brightness
Cause I let the Son come in
Glory Hallelujah
Jesus cancelled out my sins
 
 
 
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Last edited on Tue Apr 6th, 2010 05:15 pm by Roy Harris



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 Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2010 01:09 am
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SundownSam
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This is a very creative and very good write Roy, I like it a lot! I love the way you've used 'the cards' in it. Your brain is always churning when it comes to songwriting and your songs are proof of it! Hope we get to hear it soon! :) 

Last edited on Wed Apr 7th, 2010 01:29 am by SundownSam



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 Posted: Thu Apr 8th, 2010 04:02 am
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Dennis Railey
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Hey Roy, I love this, it sounds like something my dad would have arranged to speak through parts of it and then come in with singing.  Unless it's done with a very slow feel, which it could be, the chorus seems a little short.  Overall, great story and writing.



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 Posted: Fri Apr 9th, 2010 11:50 am
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DunedinDragon
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I agree with Dennis. This is a great idea but I'm not sure how you'd pace it. Logic would say you'd need a chorus that would fit between the two verses and after the second verse, but the chorus doesn't really fit too well with what's being said in the first verse. I wonder if you could do a 'variation' chorus between the first and second verse that starts with "My room is filled with darkness" with the same pace and meaure as the other choruses, but different words...something along those lines. But the song itself is a great idea!!

DD



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 Posted: Sat Apr 10th, 2010 12:24 pm
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Roy Harris
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Thanks for the input.  I do agree, it needs something else, and the suggestion about another chorus between the first and second verse sounds like a good idea.  Now, if only I can figure out how to do it. lol.  Any suggestions? 



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 Posted: Mon Apr 12th, 2010 04:46 pm
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Roy Harris
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Well, I still don't know, What do you think of this?

The Room

I awoke in a darkened room
Where I was all alone
The walls were lined with cards
My name on every one
Each card told of my sins
I read them one by one
My entire life was on those walls
Oh Lord what have I done.

1st Chorus
My room is filled with darkness
I have so many sins
I’ll never get to Heaven
They will never let me in

Then Jesus suddenly appeared
There was sadness in His eyes
My heart trembled as I said
I’m guilty, I cannot lie
He took the pen from my hand
And signed His name over mine
Jesus cancelled out my sins
One card at a time

2nd Chorus
My room is filled with brightness
Cause I let the Son come in
Glory Hallelujah
Jesus cancelled out my sins

Bridge
Now I walk the straight and narrow
My life is full of pride
I know that I am Heaven bound
With Jesus at my side

My room is filled with brightness
Cause I let the Son come in
Glory Hallelujah
Jesus cancelled out my sins
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 Posted: Mon Apr 12th, 2010 06:59 pm
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Chris Baker
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Roy, I'm really digging the whole idea and metaphor in this tune. The only parts I'm having some problems with are the first two lines of the bridge. "Straight and narrow" just doesn't cut it imo -- perhaps something to underscore the signing notion or further the idea of the cards or redemption?

The next line, "My life is full of pride," kinda feels like you are writing for the rhyme. Isn't pride one of the deadly sins? It's often referred to as THE deadliest sin of them all. Maybe you have a different take on it?



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 Posted: Mon Apr 12th, 2010 07:23 pm
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Roy Harris
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lol.  I think this one has more problems than just the bridge.  The more I look at it, it just isn't working for me.  I'm probably gonna retire this one to the tomb of unfinished songs.   



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 Posted: Sat Jun 5th, 2010 10:11 pm
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Corsen19
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Aaw. Don't retire it! Maybe rewrite the bridge and add in a third verse? I can hear this song in my head and would like to see it finished. : )



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 Posted: Tue Jun 8th, 2010 02:04 am
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Troy33
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Don't give up on this one, Roy!

I like how it's coming along. This may just be a song to set aside for a week and revisited one Sunday morning! Then it may all come together.

Troy



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 Posted: Wed Jun 30th, 2010 03:49 pm
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CalvinLuther
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It sounds very much like a poem I heard by Josh Harris (I think it was also titled "The Room"). Great imagery. I have the same feelings about the bridge (both with "straight and narrow" and with the line about pride). Perhaps "I've entered through the narrow gate" or something to that effect. I'd definately change the "pride" line as it is one of the things God hates, but I think this could really be a good song. Please don't retire it! Take a break and then come back to it.


 

I did find the poem I was thinking of. Here is the link - http://www.joshharris.com/the_room_my_dream.php


:D

Last edited on Sat Jul 10th, 2010 01:48 am by CalvinLuther

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 Posted: Mon Jul 5th, 2010 11:37 pm
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terrypicker
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Roy there is very little left to do on this song.  I think you can change one line in the bridge and  add a second half to the chorus and be pretty much be done with it. You're welcome to any of my ideas if you want them Roy.  This is too good of a song not to finish!

My room is filled with darkness
I have so many sins
I’ll never get to Heaven
They will never let me in

Bridge
Now I walk the straight and narrow
One step at a time
I know that I am Heaven bound
With Jesus at my side



Last edited on Fri Jul 9th, 2010 01:23 pm by terrypicker



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 Posted: Fri Jul 9th, 2010 02:31 am
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Missouripicker
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Just found this. It does read like a poem, but that saves us the trouble of trying to find a rhythm in it. I think this is really cool. Draws a real nice and peaceful picture. I'd like to hear it with music. Might even simply be a poem set to music. NOthing in the world wrong with that....It's hard to find something truly wrong with it because I like it a great deal. This needs to be read in church. The message has real relevance and is very timely.



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 Posted: Sun Dec 12th, 2010 09:11 am
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Gene Royce - Fenton
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The only problem i see here is you are not making the Title a large part of your chorus. The idea of using the cards is very good, but I would change the title to "Jesus Cancelled Out My Sins" followed by that line from your verse <,One Card at a time>that way it would fit your second chorus where the words change. But I would not use the same line  in your verse , that would be over doing the whole Hook Let every line point at your title Roy Very Good Work

Last edited on Sun Dec 12th, 2010 09:14 am by

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 Posted: Thu Feb 23rd, 2012 08:34 pm
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Jim Colyer
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Roy,
This lyric is easy to understand and shows a strong faith.
Jim



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