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KathyB. Member 
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No title yet. (c) I don't think the chorus is original enough.....any comments..... Verse I walk thru this cheatin old side door Here your laugh comin thru dark smoky bar You didn’t see me standing here Till my hazel eyes met yours she was in your arms My skin burned hot then cold this is it You picked your medicine now you drink it I’m not gonna cry over you All those kisses lost n gone theres no fixin this Chorus I’m done being over me Getting over you Being over me It’s time I’m long gone Raise a hand wave bye bye No time for you to cry Your cold heart has done you wrong It’s time this girl is long gone |
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BobbyJoe Member 
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Hi, Kathy.  I would recommend studying your favorite songs and see what they do with their choruses. This will help you decide when you have a good chorus idea and how to go about developing it. We learn by imitation, and what better songs to imitate than our favorites. I wish I had a nickel for every John Prine and Kris Kristofferson and Bob McDill lyric I tore apart and put back together. |
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KathyB. Member
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Hi Bobby, Yeah, I have done some reading on Kristopherson, Warren andyone who has a #1 or who people respect.....I've nver heard the name Bob McDill. I'll look him up!  kathy |
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BobbyJoe Member
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Do you ever copy hit lyrics out by hand and study them? |
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KathyB. Member
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Yeah I do. Look for structure, rhyme pattern. quirky way they twist and bring back to the chorus.... singability....how easy the choruss usually are...LOL what else do you look for? kathy |
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Crystal Lynn Member 
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Kathy....I really love the first verse!!!! I love all the little details..as I read it, my mind started this picture...good storytelling here...I agree the chorus needs more work...there's a great hook in there..."This Girls Long Gone" ....I really think you've got something here...keep working on it!! |
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KathyB. Member
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Thanks Crystal, Hmmm.....I'll write it that way and see what happens...LOL K. |
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Mai Member 
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hi Kathy This Girl's Long Gone" is a good title and you have some great ideas to work with. I also like "I'm Over me, Getting Over You" Think about this: (maybe too many lines, but an idea!) I’m over me, Getting over you, Being over me Cuz I’m movin’ on, from your cold heart doin’ me wrong. Raise a hand and wave goodbye, as I disappear I won’t bother to cry, as everything is clear Your cheatin’ ways’ll do you in, and you’ll find yourself left again This time this girl’s long gone, happy to be free. I’m over me, Getting over you, Being over me or it can begin with: This Girl’s Long Gone from your cold heart doing me wrong I’m over me, Getting over you, Being over me -----etc, your choice Good Luck Mai |
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