The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters > Open Mic > Open Mic Archives Through 2009 > Redemption Road |
The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters > Open Mic > Open Mic Archives Through 2009 > Redemption Road |
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| Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan | ||
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator 
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Tom W and I have been working on a version of this song which is still in progress. If you havent heard that version yet you can find the post here . Whilst doing so, I took a bit of a side road to see what a more gospel style might sound like, so here is that version for contrast. Redemption Road Words & music Owen Hovenden Piano arrangement Peter Wilson Link to music The sins of my life make a long and heavy tally And the judge may find me wanting in the weighing of my soul Its a long and foolish road my life steps have taken Now I’m turned around retracing all the ground that I have lost Though my time may be up before I’m home I’ll take this road as far as I can go One foot front the other down redemption road One foot front the other down redemption road Night is closing in, and a cold wind is blowing Now I’ve left behind the whisky and the fire that it brings Salvation’s out of sight, regret is but a token Apologies unspoken won’t change a god damn thing Though my time may be up before I’m home I’ll take this road as far as I can go One foot front the other down redemption road One foot front the other down redemption road I’m too old to be a sinner, too guilty to be free May the grace of forgiveness be granted to me Regrets don’t change a life, but they give a man direction With the time that’s given to me I’ll undo what can be done May the good lord give me strength, and bring me to my senses To face my consequences before my race is run Though my time may be up before I’m home I’ll take this road as far as I can go One foot front the other down redemption road One foot front the other down redemption road |
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just1L Member 
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Owen/Peter, I like the song you have going here. It definitely has a melancholy feel to it that go great with the words. The one thing I would comment on is the rhyming in the 2nd & 4th lines of each verse. The second & third verses rhyme (i.e. brings>thing & done>run) but the first verse doesn't (soul>lost) Maybe something like "Now I’m turned around retracing all the lost ground that I have sowed" Sowed may not work but something like that. Otherwise great job guys. It's a nice listen.  |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Good point! Thanks for that |
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Troy33 Super Moderator 
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Hi Owen, Nice work on this. I like the piano work Tom did.... It compliments the vocal well. I like the way you placed the rhyming here: Night is closing in, and a cold wind is blowing |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Thanks Troy! The piano was done by a friend of mine called Peter Wilson (no relation to Tom) and he did a great job on it for me. |
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C2 Member 
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I certainly liked it since it reminds me of how my wife plays our old upright piano that is a prominent piece in our living room. I agree some additional rhymes might work, but only if they serve the message well. I also like the uniqueness of "One foot front", as I am not familiar with the phrase. It adds to the nice flavor of the song. I say it's worth developing for sure. Last edited on Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 03:32 am by C2 |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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C2 wrote: I certainly liked it since it reminds me of how my wife plays our old upright piano that is a prominent piece in our living room. I agree some additional rhymes might work, but only if they serve the message well. Thanks Curtis. I was definitely going for that traditional style. I liked "one foot front the other as well". I havent heard it elsewhere either, as far as I know I just made it up. |
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Roy Harris Member 
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Very nice piano work indeed. It adds a lot to it. I have heard the phrase, "One foot in front of the other" before. To me, it means just keep one foot in front of the other, walk the straight and narrow, etc. I would change one line however. Last line of the third verse, I woule take out "God". When you put it in front of damn you are cursing the God that you are seeking redemption from. Maybe that was your intent, I don't know, but I just don't think it would go over in a song, any song. |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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I see the contradiction you're pointing at. Thanks for that. "One foot in front of the other" is certainly a common phrase - I'm not claiming that! But it sounds different if you take the "in" and "of" out of it. |
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just1L Member
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I actually like the "one foot front the other" too. I like it when new sayings/phrases are made up. But it would help it a little if you were to add an "s" to it. "one foot fronts the other". |
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just1L Member
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Sorry... I went back and re-read it after I hit reply and I actually do like it better without the "s" |
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Arthur Holt Member 
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Hi Owen, I did like the piano , agree with Roy . I Liked your entry for fnom. : ) Last edited on Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 07:25 pm by Arthur Holt |
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wavehellomachine Member 
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Very good. I like the melancholy feel as well. I think the swear is appropriate. It speaks of a man who has led a wild life and now he's old. He wants to repent but he's still rough around the edges. Works for me. P.S. Hey guys, if you don't mind, could you send me the instrumental version to sing over? I'd like to use the song for practice. Last edited on Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 11:21 pm by wavehellomachine |
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Gary Bunch Member 
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Way to go Owen. I am always impressed with your writing style. It makes me feel as though I am walking that road myself. "Regrets don't change a life... but they give a man direction" is insightful to me. Keep up the good work! |
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SundownSam Super Moderator 
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Very nice Owen, very nice indeed. I love your lyric, I think you did a fantastic job on it and piano behind this kind of song is perfect! Peter did a really beautiful job as well. But the thing I like the most about it is the feeling you put into it as you were singing this one. That too was very nicely done. My only nit is the same as Roy's and Art's using the two words in the line mentioned. They're kind of a no-no here in the states for those of us who believe in God, so I suppose that's why we're a little touchy about seeing the two of them togther in such a beautful and heartfelt song as this. But I can clearly see that you were trying to make a statement by using them in the way you have used them, that's completely understood, however, again I agree with Roy that a song such as this one, where someone is seeking redemption, probably wouldn't go over in song here in the states. of course, I'm not trying to speak for everybody here in the states though, so some may see it as 'good words of choice' to say what you are wanting to convey in that line. But other than that I think this has now become my favorite song of yours. Last edited on Fri Dec 4th, 2009 12:56 pm by SundownSam |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Thanks Sara. Yes I can see that in the context of this song "God damn" becomes a lot more jarring than it would be elsewhere. As Roy said initially, the solution is probably to change it to just "damn" and stretch it over two syllables. No doubt if it were to go anywhere a publisher would insist upon it! Appreciate the feedback |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Thanks Gary. Its always good to feel that a song can connect with other people. Thanks for letting me know! |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Good call Shane, that was the feel I was going for. Happy to send you thru the instrumental version. |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Thanks Art. Appreciate the listen and the feedback |
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Dennis Railey Member 
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Hey Owen, very good write and sounds great! |
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Marty Ray Boone Contributor 
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Yours is the only gospel song that uses the words god damn I am sure! I agree with Roy and Sara. Those words are not found in the majority of gospel music!  |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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Yes, I believe you, and they, were right and it needs changing! |
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Marty Ray Boone Contributor
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Could you change it to "won't change a single thing? |
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RainyDayMan TSF Administrator
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A good suggestion. I'll re-record it eventually and likely use that or something close to it. Thanks Marty. |
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