 |
| Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 03:36 am |
|
1st Post |
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator
| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | Stratford, Australia |
| Posts: | 5895 |
| Favorite Artist: | James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Tom W and I have been working on a version of this song which is still in progress. If you havent heard that version yet you can find the post here .
Whilst doing so, I took a bit of a side road to see what a more gospel style might sound like, so here is that version for contrast.
Redemption Road
Words & music Owen Hovenden
Piano arrangement Peter Wilson
Link to music
The sins of my life make a long and heavy tally
And the judge may find me wanting in the weighing of my soul
Its a long and foolish road my life steps have taken
Now I’m turned around retracing all the ground that I have lost
Though my time may be up before I’m home
I’ll take this road as far as I can go
One foot front the other down redemption road
One foot front the other down redemption road
Night is closing in, and a cold wind is blowing
Now I’ve left behind the whisky and the fire that it brings
Salvation’s out of sight, regret is but a token
Apologies unspoken won’t change a god damn thing
Though my time may be up before I’m home
I’ll take this road as far as I can go
One foot front the other down redemption road
One foot front the other down redemption road
I’m too old to be a sinner, too guilty to be free
May the grace of forgiveness be granted to me
Regrets don’t change a life, but they give a man direction
With the time that’s given to me I’ll undo what can be done
May the good lord give me strength, and bring me to my senses
To face my consequences before my race is run
Though my time may be up before I’m home
I’ll take this road as far as I can go
One foot front the other down redemption road
One foot front the other down redemption road
____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2009 11:43 pm |
|
2nd Post |
just1L
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 20th, 2009 |
| Location: | St. Louis, Missouri USA |
| Posts: | 1829 |
| Favorite Artist: | Van Halen, ABBA, Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd, Beatles, Cheap Trick | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Owen/Peter,
I like the song you have going here. It definitely has a melancholy feel to it that go great with the words. The one thing I would comment on is the rhyming in the 2nd & 4th lines of each verse. The second & third verses rhyme (i.e. brings>thing & done>run) but the first verse doesn't (soul>lost) Maybe something like "Now I’m turned around retracing all the lost ground that I have sowed" Sowed may not work but something like that.
Otherwise great job guys. It's a nice listen. 
____________________
http://www.Just1L.com
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 12:41 am |
|
3rd Post |
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 12:59 am |
|
4th Post |
Troy33
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Sun Aug 3rd, 2008 |
| Location: | New Hampshire USA |
| Posts: | 4848 |
| Favorite Artist: | Rush, Yes, John Mayer, James Taylor, Pink Floyd, Stanley Clark | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Hi Owen,
Nice work on this. I like the piano work Tom did.... It compliments the vocal well. I like the way you placed the rhyming here:
Night is closing in, and a cold wind is blowing
Now I’ve left behind the whisky and the fire that it brings
Salvation’s out of sight, regret is but a token
Apologies unspoken won’t change a god damn thing
Though my time may be up before I’m home
I’ll take this road as far as I can go
One foot front the other down redemption road
One foot front the other down redemption road
I’m too old to be a sinner, too guilty to be free
May the grace of forgiveness be granted to me
Regrets don’t change a life, but they give a man direction
With the time that’s given to me I’ll undo what can be done
May the good lord give me strength, and bring me to my senses
To face my consequences before my race is run
____________________
https://soundcloud.com/troy-t-douglas/another-log-on-the-fire
https://soundcloud.com/troy-t-douglas/if-it-rains-on-christmas
http://www.reverbnation.com/troydouglas
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 01:07 am |
|
5th Post |
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 03:32 am |
|
6th Post |
C2
Member
| Joined: | Sat Jul 11th, 2009 |
| Location: | Hurst, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 995 |
| Favorite Artist: | ZZ Top, 40 years and still going strong........... | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
I certainly liked it since it reminds me of how my wife plays our old upright piano that is a prominent piece in our living room. I agree some additional rhymes might work, but only if they serve the message well.
I also like the uniqueness of "One foot front", as I am not familiar with the phrase. It adds to the nice flavor of the song. I say it's worth developing for sure.
Last edited on Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 03:32 am by C2
____________________
NOTICE**Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
NOTICE**The pages below are lonely and want to be your friend.
http://www.jamwave.com/c2music
http://www.youtube.com/user/C2Texas
http://www.soundclick.com/C2music
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 09:44 am |
|
7th Post |
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator
| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | Stratford, Australia |
| Posts: | 5895 |
| Favorite Artist: | James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
C2 wrote: I certainly liked it since it reminds me of how my wife plays our old upright piano that is a prominent piece in our living room. I agree some additional rhymes might work, but only if they serve the message well.
I also like the uniqueness of "One foot front", as I am not familiar with the phrase. It adds to the nice flavor of the song. I say it's worth developing for sure.
Thanks Curtis. I was definitely going for that traditional style. I liked "one foot front the other as well". I havent heard it elsewhere either, as far as I know I just made it up.
____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 10:46 am |
|
8th Post |
Roy Harris
Member
| Joined: | Sun Oct 9th, 2005 |
| Location: | Texarkana, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 3763 |
| Favorite Artist: | Hank Williams | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Very nice piano work indeed. It adds a lot to it. I have heard the phrase, "One foot in front of the other" before. To me, it means just keep one foot in front of the other, walk the straight and narrow, etc. I would change one line however. Last line of the third verse, I woule take out "God". When you put it in front of damn you are cursing the God that you are seeking redemption from. Maybe that was your intent, I don't know, but I just don't think it would go over in a song, any song.
____________________
I was raised in a large family in a small house. I never slept alone until after I got married.
http://www.reverbnation.com/royharris
http://www.soundclick.com/royharris
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 01:31 pm |
|
9th Post |
just1L
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 20th, 2009 |
| Location: | St. Louis, Missouri USA |
| Posts: | 1829 |
| Favorite Artist: | Van Halen, ABBA, Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd, Beatles, Cheap Trick | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
I actually like the "one foot front the other" too. I like it when new sayings/phrases are made up. But it would help it a little if you were to add an "s" to it. "one foot fronts the other".
____________________
http://www.Just1L.com
|
|
Back To Top
|
just1L
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 20th, 2009 |
| Location: | St. Louis, Missouri USA |
| Posts: | 1829 |
| Favorite Artist: | Van Halen, ABBA, Sex Pistols, Pink Floyd, Beatles, Cheap Trick | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Sorry... I went back and re-read it after I hit reply and I actually do like it better without the "s"
____________________
http://www.Just1L.com
|
|
Back To Top
|
wavehellomachine
Member
| Joined: | Wed Apr 16th, 2008 |
| Location: | Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 554 |
| Favorite Artist: | Musicians of the earth. | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Very good. I like the melancholy feel as well. I think the swear is appropriate. It speaks of a man who has led a wild life and now he's old. He wants to repent but he's still rough around the edges. Works for me.
P.S. Hey guys, if you don't mind, could you send me the instrumental version to sing over? I'd like to use the song for practice.
Last edited on Thu Dec 3rd, 2009 11:21 pm by wavehellomachine
____________________
http://www.wavehellomachine.com
|
|
Back To Top
|
Gary Bunch
Member
| Joined: | Wed Sep 9th, 2009 |
| Location: | Creston, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 266 |
| Favorite Artist: | Beatles, Led Zepplin, David Bowie, Pink Floyd, Simon & Garfunkle | | I am a: | Singer/Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Way to go Owen. I am always impressed with your writing style. It makes me feel as though I am walking that road myself. "Regrets don't change a life... but they give a man direction" is insightful to me. Keep up the good work!
____________________
All and all it's just a.. nother brick in the wall.
|
|
Back To Top
|
SundownSam
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Thu Jul 24th, 2008 |
| Location: | Ellenwood , Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 7967 |
| Favorite Artist: | Danny, James, Dennis, Charles, Rob, Don, Art, John, Mike ... | | I am a: | Songwriter |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Very nice Owen, very nice indeed. I love your lyric, I think you did a fantastic job on it and piano behind this kind of song is perfect! Peter did a really beautiful job as well. But the thing I like the most about it is the feeling you put into it as you were singing this one. That too was very nicely done. My only nit is the same as Roy's and Art's using the two words in the line mentioned. They're kind of a no-no here in the states for those of us who believe in God, so I suppose that's why we're a little touchy about seeing the two of them togther in such a beautful and heartfelt song as this. But I can clearly see that you were trying to make a statement by using them in the way you have used them, that's completely understood, however, again I agree with Roy that a song such as this one, where someone is seeking redemption, probably wouldn't go over in song here in the states. of course, I'm not trying to speak for everybody here in the states though, so some may see it as 'good words of choice' to say what you are wanting to convey in that line. But other than that I think this has now become my favorite song of yours. Last edited on Fri Dec 4th, 2009 12:56 pm by SundownSam
____________________
First you write it with your heart - then you re-write it with your head
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=1021080
|
|
Back To Top
|
Dennis Railey
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 22nd, 2008 |
| Location: | Ft. Smith, Arkansas USA |
| Posts: | 4676 |
| Favorite Artist: | Jerry Jeff Walker, Wynn Varble | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
| Status: |
Offline
|
|
Hey Owen, very good write and sounds great!
____________________
NEWS ALERT!!! The Mayans got their printing press fixed and have issued their new calendar. The world won't be ending in 2012 after all!
http://www.jamwave.com/artist.aspx?AID=5567
|
|
Back To Top
|
| Current time is 10:02 am | Page: 1 2   |
|
|
|
