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I learnd to tell the truth
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Jun 27th, 2009 02:41 am
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Mike Stacey
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Joined: Sun Feb 19th, 2006
Location: Lancaster, Kentucky USA
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A new song wrote it a few days a go tell me what you thank
 I learned to tell the truth Mike Stacey 2009

Verse#1 There's that filled
where nothings grown for years
where daddy shed alot
of his blood sweat and tears
there's that trampoline
where I first met Jim Beam
that new years night

Chours And there's that picnic table
where she first let down hear hair
giggling and laughing
like she didn't have a care
where she lost her innocents
as I said I love you to
the place I lied to her
is the place I learned
to tell the truth

Verse#2 There's that kitchen table
where I learned to deal stud
and that old garage
where we fixed daddy's pick up truck
where we painted that old barn
that summers day

Chours And there's that picnic table
where she first let down hear hair
giggling and laughing
like she didn't have a care
where she lost her innocents
as I said I love you to
the place I lied to her
is the place I learned
to tell the truth
 



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 Posted: Mon Jun 29th, 2009 01:07 am
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Troy33
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Hi Mike,

I think this one has some good potential. I like your chorus, and how the whole song is like visiting the place you used to live. Everywhere you look brings back memories. This can really work for the listener to picture the whole scene.

A few suggestions:

I think you may need to "marry" the verses to the chorus so that they apply more closely. If the title of the song is "I learned to tell the truth", then everything, including your verses, should help contribute to the honesty/dishonesty concept you are singing about. (the game of poker would match better if you just mentioned bluffing... because that applies to honesty in a way)

When you use the pronouns 'she' and 'her', listeners expect more information so that they learn what this girl's name is... or who she is. If you're singing about her in the chorus repeatedly, she must be a subject of importance so we want to know more about her. If she is not the main subject, then take some focus off of her by just referring to her as "a girl" up front and get right to describing more about actions you did and maybe now regret or learned a lesson from.

I hope this was helpful. I don't want to discourage you. Again, this has good potential, Mike! Keep at it!

Troy




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 Posted: Mon Jun 29th, 2009 11:06 pm
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Mike Stacey
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Thank you for your cments this is just a draft i always do a rewrite and they are usualy alot beater after i thank about them a little deeper.

Thanks Mike Stacey



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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2009 02:51 am
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Mike Stacey
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Joined: Sun Feb 19th, 2006
Location: Lancaster, Kentucky USA
Posts: 539
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New Write maybe its beater let me Know

Verse#1 There's that filled
where nothings grown for years
me and granddaddy shed a lot
of blood sweat and tears
where he taught me about the bible
the difference between right and wrong
and how to believe the heart
that goes into a song
well there's that trampoline
where I first met Jim Beam
and learned that there's a devil
in that bottle

Chours And there's that picnic table
where Jenny first let down hear hair
giggling and laughing
like she didn't have a care
where she lost her innocents
as I said I love you to
the place I lied to her
is the place I learned
to tell the truth

Verse#2 There's that kitchen table
pokers what we played
threes a lot of lessons
in such a simple game
so many lessons in that place
that I call home
everyone makes mistakes
and anyone can be wrong

Chours And there's that picnic table
where she first let down hear hair
giggling and laughing
like she didn't have a care
where she lost her innocents
as I said I love you to
the place I lied to her
is the place I learned
to tell the truth

Bridge I guess she is gone now
like a summers breeze
just another lesson
that was taught to me
one that i wont soon forget
in any day and time
but they where great lessons
and there all mine

Chours And there's that picnic table
where she first let down hear hair
giggling and laughing
like she didn't have a care
where she lost her innocents
as I said I love you to
the place I lied to her
is the place I learned
to tell the truth



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Love life happyness and be free its all we have.
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