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| Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 03:44 am |
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21st Post |
Jason Mento
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Hey bro,
I'm still hacking at this one. I took your ideas for the 1st verse and changed them up a bit. What do you think? I'm open and willing to change anything.
I really dig the 2nd lines of the 2nd verse you came up with the most. Her having a light and then we're dancing in it. I think that's really cool. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to say it. On the May 6th suggestions, I just thought the first 2 lines were a little too redundant with 'road' and 'eyes'.
What do you think of using the 2 lines below for the beginning of a 2nd verse?
New horizons now are coming into view 11
and girl it's all because of you 8
I think you meant for them to be a bridge, but I really like the idea. Hopefully, I'll get more time to look at it tomorrow night.
I think this is really coming together!
-J
you've paved the same old roads into something new
never dreamed that i'd find a love so true
girl, you know how to ease this troubled mind
i found my peace deep in your eyes
it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait for tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait for tomorrow
i can feel my empty world fill with your light
now we can both dance in it tonight
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| Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 07:18 pm |
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22nd Post |
RedinFla
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Jason Mento wrote: Hey bro,
I'm still hacking at this one. I took your ideas for the 1st verse and changed them up a bit. What do you think? I'm open and willing to change anything.
I really dig the 2nd lines of the 2nd verse you came up with the most. Her having a light and then we're dancing in it. I think that's really cool. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to say it. On the May 6th suggestions, I just thought the first 2 lines were a little too redundant with 'road' and 'eyes'.
What do you think of using the 2 lines below for the beginning of a 2nd verse?
New horizons now are coming into view 11
and girl it's all because of you 8
I think you meant for them to be a bridge, but I really like the idea. Hopefully, I'll get more time to look at it tomorrow night.
I think this is really coming together!
-J
you've paved the same old roads into something new
never dreamed that i'd find a love so true
girl, you know how to ease this troubled mind
i found my peace deep in your eyes
it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait for tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait for tomorrow
i can feel my empty world fill with your light
now we can both dance in it tonight
Jason,
I'm really liking where the first verse ended up, I just think the word that could be removed. I'm open to changing everything if you don't like it. For the second verse, what do you think of...............
you've paved the same old roads into something new
never dreamed i'd find a love so true <<<<<<<<< removed "that"
girl, you know how to ease this troubled mind
i found my peace deep in your eyes
it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait for tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait for tomorrow
All new horizons are coming into view 11
and girl it's all because of you 8
my empty world is filling with light 9
we both can dance in it tonight 8
it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait for tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait for tomorrow
Do you think it needs a 3rd verse? Or do you just repeat the chorus maybe with harmonies a few times ? Let me know, I'm really excited to be helping you on this, I think it's going to be something special.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 08:54 pm |
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23rd Post |
RedinFla
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This just came to me............
It's a new day since I've got you in my nights now baby
What do you think of that? I kind of like the contrast from day to night, maybe not in every chorus, but maybe in the last chorus.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 09:27 pm |
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24th Post |
Jason Mento
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Nice...I like that for a last chorus!
I totally agrees with removing 'that' from the 1st verse. I don't know what I was thinking.
I'm still not sold on the horizon line and using 'you' as a rhyme. I still dig the 2nd 2 lines.
I think we need to come up with a bridge (music and lyricwise) instead of a 3rd verse. What do you think? I'll try to work out some chords changes tonight.
We'll get this sucker done yet!
Glad to have you on board with this as well! I've had the music and basic concept sitting for a while now. It feels good to dust it off and get some movement on it.
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| Posted: Thu May 15th, 2008 12:14 am |
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25th Post |
RedinFla
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Heres another thought for verse #2
The grass seems greener the sky a deeper blue 11
a brighter life is coming into view 10
that darkened world is filling with light 9
we both can/will? dance in it tonight 8
Let me know if you like this better. I do.
I'm really liking this song, I must have listened to the work tape om your soundclick site 50 times.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Thu May 15th, 2008 02:38 pm |
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26th Post |
RedinFla
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As for the bridge, I think I will wait until we have a 2nd verse set to see where it goes before trying to think of a bridge idea. The musicial change for the bridge will have a lot to do with it too. Another 2nd verse idea.........
The sun burns/seems? brighter the sky a deeper blue 11
whole new world's are coming into view 9
my darkened world now is filled with light 9
we both will dance in it tonight 8
Another random thought, not sure where or if it could fit anywhere.......
The love we're making, baby, like you is so fine 12
I want to feel this till the end of time 11
____________________
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It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 04:28 pm |
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27th Post |
Jason Mento
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Great stuff! I like it alot. I'm going to work on this tonight. I'm glad you dig the tune man, that's awesome!
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| Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 04:54 pm |
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28th Post |
RedinFla
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Jason, that's great. I'll be checking in on it over the weekend. Glad you liked it, and I look forward to hearing what you come up with.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Fri May 16th, 2008 11:55 pm |
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29th Post |
TSF-Mike
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Hey Jason and Barry...really nice so far. As soon as you get the lyrics situated can you post the new version so we can follow along with the song?
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| Posted: Sun May 18th, 2008 05:43 pm |
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30th Post |
Iris Farm
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Red,
I was reading your input for Jason....Talk about take it and run with it. That's wierd because I looked at the first post and would have had no clue where to go with that. GOOD JOB!
Joyce
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| Posted: Sun May 18th, 2008 05:50 pm |
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31st Post |
Iris Farm
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Jason,
This "Red" light means go; You guys have got it going on with this one. Great mix with red.
I'll keep watching to see how it turns out. Very few guys ever respond to anything I say...That's okay. I'll just talking like I've known you all forever. Happy Camper!
Joyce
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| Posted: Tue May 20th, 2008 03:29 am |
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32nd Post |
Jason Mento
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Thanks Iris! Red and I are hashing it out. I'm the one that needs a kick in the butt. Hopefully I'll be able to record Red's 2nd verse this week.
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| Posted: Tue May 20th, 2008 03:48 am |
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33rd Post |
Jason Mento
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Hey Barry,
Here's what we have so far:
you've paved the same old roads into something new
never dreamed i'd find a love so true
girl, you know how to ease this troubled mind
i found my peace deep in your eyes
it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait to see tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait to see tomorrow
the grass is greener and the sky a deeper blue
a brighter life is coming into view
my darkened world is filling with light
we can both dance in it tonight
'cause it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait to see tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait to see tomorrow
the love you make me baby, feels so fine
i want to keep 'till the end of time
'cause it's a new day, and i got you on my mind, now baby
i can't wait to see tomorrow
it's a new day, you know i never thought i'd say,
i can't wait to see tomorrow
I'm pretty psyched because I think I have a decent musical bridge down. I tweaked the bridge words a bit. I'm not quite sold on it, and we can go back to your original or tweak them some more. Just something I was vamping on tonight. I dig the 2nd verse, but I'm wondering if you can come up with something different, but in the same vein for 'a brighter life' and 'my darkened world'. I see how they work together, but it's just not grabbing me. I tried to hack at it tonight, but I couldn't come up with anything. Maybe after another pass or 2 we can post it in the other forum. It has been a blast working on this with you. Sorry, it's taking me a couple of days to reply. my 9 to 5 is killing me, but working on this together is forcing me to keep up the music. Let me know what you think of my suggestions. I'm totally open, so if you think those lines should stay, I'll work it.
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| Posted: Tue May 20th, 2008 06:01 pm |
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34th Post |
RedinFla
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Hey Jason,
I like what you've got going on there, let me see if I can come up with something different for the second verse, as always these are just ideas I'm throwing out there for you to either keep or throw away.
2nd verse ideas.......
The grass is greener the sky a deeper blue 11
everythings clearer multiplied by two 10
my empty room/world is filling with light 10
and we both can dance in it tonight 9
The grass seems greener my skies a deeper blue 11
bright new perspectives are coming into view 11
I can feel your love burning deep inside 10
want to feel this way till the end of time 10
The grass seems greener my skies a deeper blue 11
all new horizons are coming into view 11
you brightened up my days and my lonely nights 10
with you girl the futures looking bright 9
If you none of these do it for you, Ill try to look at it from a different angle, and see what I can come up with. As for the bridge, I would like to hear the music to know how the sylable count would work on it, but below is just an idea........
The love we're making baby, makes me feel alive
I want to feel this way till the end of time
or
I want to keep this feeling till till the end of time
I'm really into this tune Jason, I'm loving the way it's coming together. I never knew I would like writing happy stuff before.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Wed May 21st, 2008 03:53 am |
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35th Post |
Jason Mento
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I really dig the 'light' and dancing in it tonight line. I'd love to keep that if we can.
What about:
The grass is greener the sky a deeper blue
everythings clearer multiplied by two
you filled my empty world with a shining light
and we both can dance in it tonight
I like 'everythings clearer' but not really fond of 'multiplied by two. I hope it's okay to be straight up.
I really dig this:
The love we're making baby, makes me feel alive
I want to keep this feeling till till the end of time
But, there's a few too many syllables. 'Alive' is much better than the 'fine'. I'll record the bridge tomorrow night and post it so you can hear the music. I was trying to think of a way to re-word it so 'feel' wasn't in both lines and there was only one 'make'. I'm drawing a blank though.
Maybe:
The love you give me, makes me come alive (Ugh, 'come alive' sounds like Frankenstein. I know you can think of something!)
I want to keep this feeling, till the end of time
Maybe:
The love you give me, makes me so alive
I want to keep this feeling, till the end of time
I don't know man. HELP! LOL!
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| Posted: Wed May 21st, 2008 04:37 pm |
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36th Post |
RedinFla
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Hey Jason
Let me throw this out there as an alternate 2nd verse, leet me know what you think........
The grass is greener the sky a deeper blue
everythings clearer all because of you
my empty world is filling with your light
we both can dance in it tonight
Let me wait to hear the music for the bridge before I try to write anything for it, that way I'll have a better idea of what will fit.
____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956
It's not half full or half empty, it's just a half a glass
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| Posted: Wed May 21st, 2008 04:45 pm |
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37th Post |
Jason Mento
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Nice, I like it!
I'll do my best to record the bridge tonight. I'll let you know when it's posted.
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| Posted: Wed May 21st, 2008 04:57 pm |
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17th, 2008 03:59 pm |
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17th, 2008 04:25 pm |
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40th Post |
Crystal Lynn
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I'm waiting as well......hope this is still in the works...... great song going on here...
____________________
http://www.indiehitz.net/html/crystal_Lynn
The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself.
-Victor Hugo
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