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RedinFla
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I'm thinking of starting with the chorus..........Any thoughts on that?

 

 

Up River

I want to go up that river, girl
Come on we’ll have some fun
let's go up - up that river, girl
Into the setting sun

 You can pack a picnic lunch
I’ll ice down some beer
and hook the boat up to the truck
Then lets get out of here

 I want to go up that river, girl
they’ll be a full moon in the sky
let’s go up – up that river, girl
and drift back with the tide

 We can take some fishing poles
But if the fish don’t bite
We’ll spread a blanket on the deck
And count stars in the sky

 I want to go up that river, girl
tonight just you and I

Let’s go up – up that river, girl
and take that midnight ride


 We’ll put in at our favorite spot
Down at black iron lake
C’mon girl get in the truck
Cause honey I can’t wait

I want to go up that river. girl
make love in the moonlight
let’s go up  that river. girl
it’s never felt so right

Not sure how to end it????????

 

Last edited on Mon Apr 28th, 2008 12:33 am by RedinFla

Tricia41
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I think this sounds great.

Do you want to end it with a couple more lines?  Like:

"although we've been there a thousand times... there'll be magic tonight."  ?

RedinFla
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Those lines or something like that would work Tricia, I'm wondering if it's ok that the song never really goes anywhere. I'm not sure if I'm saying this right, but it never goes beyond the idea of him telling her what he wants to do, and what will happen if they go. Do you think that should be included, or is it fine the way it is? It's fun to sing, I'm just not sure what else needs to be included. It sings out in about 1 minute 30 seconds now.

Tricia41
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Oh it's fine like that!  But to make it longer, you could add a bridge somewhere.

candlelight2007
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Barry: I don't think you should worry about song "going" somewhere in this case. There're tons of songs that don't really deliver any message - including the most famous ones... you wanting to go fishing with your girl and having fun is a reason good enough to write a song... so I'd say, keep it simple, man! if you want you can also sum it all up in a nice chorus and you might not even need a bridge after all...

SongWriter2947
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Barry,

I'm with Vlad on this...the song sounds fun as is and as far as an ending you could have  a repeating chorus. Starting out with a chorus is cool too! Doesn't seem like you hear them starting out with a Chorus much anymore...might be a good time to bring it back.

RedinFla
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Thanks guys for the ideas. I'm thinking this may work as a repeating chorus 4 times with a verse between each. Something along these lines........

Let's go up the river girl
I want to go up that river girl
come on  - up river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
we can drift back slowly with the tide
so why don't you come up river with me


You can pack a picnic box
I'll ice down some drinks
and hook the boat up to the truck
honey what do you think?
we can take some fishing poles
but if the fish don't bite
we'll spread a blanket on the deck
and count stars in the sky

Let's go up the river girl
I want to go up that river girl
come on  - up river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
we can drift back slowly with the tide
so why don't you come up river with me

Last edited on Mon Apr 28th, 2008 04:05 pm by RedinFla

SongWriter2947
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This would sound cool with heavy harmonies...

candlelight2007
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Yep, Barry - that rocks! Do you have a tune already?

RedinFla
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Hey Rob, I'm not sure what heavy harmonies are, but I think I might like  that idea.

Vlad, yeah I have a tune or melody in my head, but I have chaanged it twice already now. I have to get a new mic to see if that was the problem with why I can't record, once I figure that out I'll record a melody sampler. If I get it figured out. :?

RedinFla
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Still need one more verse

Up River

Let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - up that river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
we can drift back dreaming with the tide
so baby come up river with me

You can pack a picnic lunch
I'll ice down some drinks
and hook the boat up to the truck
aw' honey what ya think?
we can take some fishing poles
but if the fish don't bite
we'll spread a blanket on the deck
and count stars in the sky

Let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - up that river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
or theres a full moon in the sky tonight?
we can drift back dreaming with the tide
so baby come up river with me


The kids are at your momma's
they won't be back tonight
the planets they are all aligned
even the moon is high
We can make love in the moonlight
as we take that midnight ride
let's not miss out on this chance
don't let it pass us by

Let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - up that river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
we can drift back dreaming with the tide
so baby come up river with me


Let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - up that river with me
tonight theres a full moon in the sky
we can drift back dreaming with the tide
so baby come up river with me






Last edited on Tue Apr 29th, 2008 12:57 am by RedinFla

candlelight2007
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Barry: what Rob means by heavy harmonies is a few nice back-up vocals that your chorus seems to be begging for. Although it's hard to tell until you hear the tune but I tell you what - get that sample out and we'll see if we can help you with those heavy ones :D

RedinFla
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I just got my new mic and I have a house full of out of town visitors, so I will send a quick melody sample to you in just a few minutes.

RedinFla
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Vlad,

Melody sample link below for the chorus, but I'm not sure I'm sold on this melody.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=810956

Last edited on Tue Apr 29th, 2008 01:38 am by RedinFla

TSF-Mike
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Well Barry, if nobody else has said it before, I am really proud of you taking the intiative and at least trying to sing what you hear in your head.  It can be VERY helpful to someone that is a musician, trying to put music to your lyrics.  Kudos!

RedinFla
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Well thank you Mike, it has all been made possible because you walked me through it during the karaoke contest. So again I say thank you for taking the time.

Tricia41
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It's sounding good. Don't stop. Keep singing.  :D

RedinFla
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I'll get the whole thing together for Friday night open mic. I had to sing that quietly in the kitchen while my wife and our out of town guests watched House on TV. Then I used audacity to amplify it so you could even hear it.

Brenda McBryde
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Sounding really good, Barry!!  Yes, romantic songs do not usually go "somewhere", they are catchy and romantic.  That's all that is needed! ;)

RedinFla
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Thanks Brenda, LOL you think this is romantic? This is another one of those real life experience write's. There was a full moon that night, and when the moon is full if you go up river before or during the high tide, when the tide goes back out you drift all the way back down river without ever starting your boat.(about 8 miles) It is nice and quiet, and can be very relaxing, if you don't shine a light across the water and see all those alligator eyes lighting up that is. :D

RedinFla
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Another rewrite................. Still channging and re arranging trying to get ready for Friday night open mic.

Up River

One more long week has said goodbye
now the weekends ours
but it's time that flies
So baby come up river with me

So let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - way up river with me
they'll be a full moon in the sky tonight
so we can drift back dreaming on the tide
oh baby come up river with me

The kids are at your momma's
and they won't be back tonight
the planets are all aligned
it's never felt so right

We can make love in the moonlight
as we take that midnight ride
let's not miss out on the chance
don't let it pass us by

So let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - way up river with me
they'll be a full moon in the sky tonight

so we can drift back dreaming on the tide
oh baby come up river with me


You can pack a picnic lunch
and I'll ice down some drinks
then hook the boat up to the truck
aw' honey what ya think?

We can take some fishing poles
but if the fish don't bite
we'll spread a blanket on the deck
and count stars in the sky

So let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - way up river with me
they'll be a full moon in the sky tonight
so we can drift back dreaming on the tide
oh baby come up river with me


Let's go up the river girl
I want to take you on that river girl
come on  - way up river with me
they'll be a full moon in the sky tonight
so we can drift back dreaming on the tide
oh baby come up river with me



Last edited on Thu May 1st, 2008 08:09 pm by RedinFla

badurrum
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I think you got  it , I love where you are going with this and it reads good , I want to hear it when its put to music, I couldn`t get it to play on your link  , I could only get your other songs, so i gave them a listen and I liked them all/ Good luck on this one as I`m a old river person( lived on the Ky river most of my life) sort of a been  there, done that sort of thing. Nothin like being around the water that I don`t love/ Granny

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Wow, Barry, Barbara is pulling up some ancient stuff. ;)  Your last post on this is May 1st, did you get it finished?

badurrum
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:PI didn`t    even  see the date , I still like it  I guess the RIVER was what drawed me in  LOL You know what being up the river means don`t you Red

UP RIVER means    up S--- creek with out a paddle LOL

Sorry about that mike, the devil made me do it/// Granny
\

 

:ThumbsI love these little people

Last edited on Sun Aug 10th, 2008 09:19 pm by badurrum

Brenda McBryde
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Without a paddle...LOL

Brenda McBryde
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I have heard this song, Barry, is it in open mic?


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