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Your aura
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Nov 22nd, 2021 11:39 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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YOUR AURA

So much pain and misery. A‘
So much chaos, so much fear
Haven't I suffered enough ?
Light inside will dissapear
And in this time of bleeding
Just before I lost my mind
I saw your face once again
Fate is true and unkind

Increasing pain, more an' more. A+
My broken heart resonates
Wished you gone and forgotten
A bad memory circulates
Once you ripped a big piece out
Out of my trust and my soul
Broke my wings and stole my peace
Turned me into something hole/made me lose my self control

Your aura. B
Is still here, frozen time
Your aura
Can't it vanish? Better fast then slow
Your aura
Is still here, true burden
Even though you've left so long ago
Your aura
Is still here, frozen time
Fresh blood is dipping from the old scars

Hope and rebirth. C
Always start with an ending
Renewing and healing
Need faith and time
Hope and rebirth
Always start with an ending
But who will kiss me back to life?
Hope and rebirth
Always start with an ending
Renewing and healing
Need faith and time
Hope and rebirth
Always start with an ending
But who will kiss me back to life?
Brings a solution for my inner strife?
Hope and faith for a new life?

So much pain and misery. A*
My broken heart resonates
Wished you gone and forgotten
-Don't they have a better pill?-
A bad memory circulates


©️by Ian P./ 23.11.2021/ for: VALENTINE+B

Last edited on Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 06:02 am by RainbowKeeper



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 Posted: Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 01:24 am
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RainyDayMan
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A lot of pain and heartache captured here.
My favorite line:
But who will kiss me back to life?

Did you mean fate rather than fade? Looked like a typo.

Also, when you sing:
Turned me into something hole
anyone listening is likely to hear it as:
Turned me into something whole
which has the opposite meaning. And they may not have the lyric available to understand their mistake.

I wonder if you should return to A* in this song?
The C part feels like a definite turning point, a shift away from misery towards hope. It would certainly be an option to finish at that point rather than returning to pain.



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 Posted: Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 05:59 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey owen, thanx for the feedback.

Yes it is a typo, as you know, I’m fighting like hell atm and it was really hard for me to bring it all together…in English. It took me surprisingly long and it was very hard for me to focus. So thanks for pointing that out.
About whole/hole I hade the exact same thought there and I’m still thinking to find a better rhyme there.
Same about the a* part. Somehow it makes the structure more „round“ but do I really need it here? Mhh well I’ll keep it written down as a possibility, that doesn’t mean that I will stick too it. Nevertheless it s good to know that I’m not the only one with that thought 😊 and I guess it will come to a final decision „if“ I put this one into music. Don’t know if I can do that, to sing about, what I’m going through atm, even if there was a different and more positive thing that worked as a trigger that Made me bring in the story about the ex.

So I’d appreciate it very much if you have any idea for the whole-hole line. Like I said, I’m still thinking about that one myself. Maybe the line I added works better ?!

Thanks again
Ian

Ps: if you find other spelling drama, I’m typing on my phone which usually has a bit of trouble if I switch languages, but it seems to finally give up now and sometimes even jumps between my languages and cause of my drugs I’m too slow to nice that atm…so please just let me know! Can’t wait to finally get my new cell!!

Last edited on Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 06:03 am by RainbowKeeper



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Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2021 06:41 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Ian,

The pain and heartache is very strong here. It is very sad.

I do like part C and the move towards hope and rebirth.

"Turned me into something hole/made me lose my self control"

I agree when listening to this as a song, people will hear 'whole'. I think the second idea works, but I might not choose to say 'made me'. When we lose control, that comes from inside ourselves.

Hope things are looking brighter these day :)



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 Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2021 10:11 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Ty for your thoughtful feedback. Yes I do understand the whole/hole thing so I think I will stick to the other line.
Keeping an eye on what u said.

In fact my path of pain is a bit easier now with 7 pills a day but it’s still there, 24/7 and my doctors appointments carry on tomorrow with doctor no.8. Still not knowing if the possible operation is needed or not. They don’t even have a real diagnosis yet. At least I can walk again…and eat again, even though it’s still painful sometimes. Writing is very hard for me atm. Can’t focus can’t find clear paths and it takes ages to build something up completely. I just wish that it will come to an end.

Ian



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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