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Borrowed Time
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Nov 11th, 2021 10:58 pm
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cmaja
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Borrowed Time

Verse 1:
Spears of evil hit the ground
Clouds of darkness swirl around
Am I blessed by some unforeseen angel
Like there’s a shroud upon me
From a light far beyond me
Guarding me from what’s painful
What’s shameful

Chorus:
I’m lucky to be livin’, though on borrowed time
I slipped past the raven, but I know he ain’t blind
And forget the times I died and came back again
Borrowed time’s all that’s left, it’s my enduring friend

Verse 2:
Oh, those planes and cars that thrill
But those machines sometimes kill
Fire and speed, a lethal mix of madness
My life flashes before me
My soul cries, “God” on its knees
But I love all the rashness
The fastness

Chorus:
I’m lucky to be livin’, though on borrowed time
I slipped past the raven, but I know he ain’t blind
And forget the times I died and came back again
Borrowed time’s all that’s left, it’s my enduring friend

Bridge:
Like a cat has nine lives, I have more than ten
Like the moon returns at night, I’ll return again
Like a song you keep on singing, my song doesn’t end
I keep on getting by, like a thief repeating crimes

Chorus:
I’m lucky to be livin’, though on borrowed time
I slipped past the raven, but I know he ain’t blind
And forget the times I died and came back again
Borrowed time’s all that’s left, it’s my enduring friend

Post chorus:
Borrowed time’s all that’s left, it’s my enduring friend

© 2021 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 07:45 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Nov 12th, 2021 12:13 am
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RainyDayMan
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Wow, that's a different style!
Got a very modern feel to it, hip-hop maybe or rock.

Not sure if I fully understand it.
Verse 1 with the "spears of evil" hitting the ground puts me in mind of a battlefield, though "what's shameful" doesn't seem to match that as well.

Verse 2 feels more like a car crash with speed and machines that thrill you.

So I'm reading it overall as a series of incidents that have happened to this person each of which has nearly killed them.

I like the chorus, especially "slipped past the raven" though "seems he didn’t mind" feels weaker.

Good lyric.



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 Posted: Fri Nov 12th, 2021 03:36 pm
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Only Gavin
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A lot to like, but I don't understand everything either. The first and second verses seem disconnected, leaving me confused about the context in which he is having all these close shaves.

One minor nit - plea is not a verb. That kind of jars in the line "My soul pleas God on its knees."



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 Posted: Sat Nov 13th, 2021 06:28 pm
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cmaja
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Only Gavin wrote:
A lot to like, but I don't understand everything either. The first and second verses seem disconnected, leaving me confused about the context in which he is having all these close shaves.

One minor nit - plea is not a verb. That kind of jars in the line "My soul pleas God on its knees."


Thank you, Gavin for identifying the “minor nit”. I changed that.

The first verse is war. The second verses is flying aircraft and driving vehicles. Both have to do with “close shaves.” And the list is quite long.

I appreciate you checking it out.

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Nov 16th, 2021 12:02 am
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Andrea
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These are pretty cool lyrics. I love all the visuals.

I have read your comments, and some ideas are not coming through.

Here are some of my personal thoughts:

Verse 1:
Clouds of darkness swirl around
Spears of evil hit the ground >>- I would switch L1 and L2
Am I blessed by some unforeseen angel >>- 'I am' blessed..
Like there’s a shroud upon me
From a light far beyond me
Guarding me from what’s painful
What’s shameful >>- leave this line out. It doesn't seem to fit the rest of the verse.

Verse 2:
Oh, those machines that thrill you
But those machines can kill you >>- I would be specific on the machines so we know it's aircraft. You have switched POV. I would move back to first person. That is stronger.
Fire and speed, a lethal mix of madness
My life flashes before me
My soul cries, “God” on its knees >>- this sounds awkward. I get what you mean, but I would have to hear it to embrace it.
But I love all the rashness
The fastness
>>- I would drop the last line and replace 'rashness with fastness'.

I really like the bridge, but think it works best with just the first 3 lines.

I love the chorus, but might consider shortening it. Here's a thought:

I’m lucky to be livin’, on borrowed time
Slipped past the raven, he(who) didn’t mind
Forget I died and came back again
All that’s left is borrowed time



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 Posted: Wed Nov 17th, 2021 09:04 am
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
Wow, that's a different style!
Got a very modern feel to it, hip-hop maybe or rock.

Not sure if I fully understand it.
Verse 1 with the "spears of evil" hitting the ground puts me in mind of a battlefield, though "what's shameful" doesn't seem to match that as well.

Verse 2 feels more like a car crash with speed and machines that thrill you.

So I'm reading it overall as a series of incidents that have happened to this person each of which has nearly killed them.

I like the chorus, especially "slipped past the raven" though "seems he didn’t mind" feels weaker.

Good lyric.


Hi Owen,
Thanks for your review. I meant it to be contemporary.

Verse 1: spears of evil = bullets, shrapnel. Shameful: soldiers are haunted much of their lives, sometimes leading to self-destruction, by what they didn’t do in war and/or what they did do. I wasn’t. I did my job and didn’t feel ashamed about what I had to do.

Verse 2: machines = aircraft and vehicles.

Chorus: I changed line 2.

Im pleased you like it!

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Nov 17th, 2021 09:26 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like your new line 2 in the chorus!



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 Posted: Tue Nov 23rd, 2021 07:50 pm
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
These are pretty cool lyrics. I love all the visuals.

I have read your comments, and some ideas are not coming through.

Here are some of my personal thoughts:

Verse 1:
Clouds of darkness swirl around
Spears of evil hit the ground >>- I would switch L1 and L2
Am I blessed by some unforeseen angel >>- 'I am' blessed..
Like there’s a shroud upon me
From a light far beyond me
Guarding me from what’s painful
What’s shameful >>- leave this line out. It doesn't seem to fit the rest of the verse.

Verse 2:
Oh, those machines that thrill you
But those machines can kill you >>- I would be specific on the machines so we know it's aircraft. You have switched POV. I would move back to first person. That is stronger.
Fire and speed, a lethal mix of madness
My life flashes before me
My soul cries, “God” on its knees >>- this sounds awkward. I get what you mean, but I would have to hear it to embrace it.
But I love all the rashness
The fastness
>>- I would drop the last line and replace 'rashness with fastness'.

I really like the bridge, but think it works best with just the first 3 lines.

I love the chorus, but might consider shortening it. Here's a thought:

I’m lucky to be livin’, on borrowed time
Slipped past the raven, he(who) didn’t mind
Forget I died and came back again
All that’s left is borrowed time


Thank you, Andrea, for your excellent assessment! I liked your ideas and insight for the verses and changed them.

I always appreciate your feedback.

Charles



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