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| Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2021 09:46 am |
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1st Post |
I2ain_2_Battle
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| Location: | Spruce Pine, North Carolina USA |
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I didn't realize your intent...
Until I looked into your eyes..
At first I thought you were being nice...
Then I felt your embrace, and believed your lies..
Your finger nails dragging over my skin...
That warm wet tongue, tickling my neck..
Your warm breath.. with a hint of gin..
That cold wind breeze, would have got me good..
Hadn't it been for your body heat...
Pulling the sheets over quick, your lips never
missed a beat...
Liquor breath and all the passions of a hot flash..
I feel you biting my neck,
Your desire filled my head..
Like a poison ivy rash..
I know this is only one night.. And I know that
Tomorrow might tell a different tale..
But for tonight, I hope our fantasies come true..
Lets make a motion picture, of our fairy tale..
It feels like you sucked away all my fear..
And left only my eagerness.. To fill your heart
with happiness..
Don't break me down... I've been dragged too long...
Don't make me gullible... I'm at war in my mind..
Your finger nails dragging over my skin...
That warm wet tongue, tickling my neck..
Your warm breath.. with a hint of gin..
That cold wind breeze, would have got me good..
Hadn't it been for your body heat...
Pulling the sheets over quick, your lips never
missed a beat...
Hope I don't wake up tomorrow.. With empty sheets..
You sped my heart up... Don't leave it without a beat..
I'm a strong person, until I'm not..
I'm so strong.. until my strength starts to rot..
Liquor breath and all the passions of a hot flash..
I feel you biting my neck,
Your desire filled my head..
Like a poison ivy rash..
I know this is only one night.. And I know that
Tomorrow might tell a different tale..
But for tonight, I hope our fantasies come true..
Lets make a motion picture, of our fairy tale..
Don't break me down... I've been dragged too long...
Don't make me gullible... I'm at war in my mind..
You sped my heart up like a shot of cocaine..
Don't end it.. with a shot from your nova cane..
Hope you're here in the morning..
I will remember you...
You left your lipstick on me..
Last edited on Tue Apr 6th, 2021 11:00 am by I2ain_2_Battle
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The grass is always greener in your neighbors backyard.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2021 11:40 am |
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2nd Post |
RainyDayMan
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| Location: | Stratford, Australia |
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I think this is a good one.
Lots of attitude. The self-awareness and cynicism that he is being played, but caught up in the heat of the moment anyway.
This one verse feels a bit out of sync emotionally:
I know this is only one night.. And I know that
Tomorrow might tell a different tale..
But for tonight, I hope our fantasies come true..
Lets make a motion picture, of our fairy tale..
It feels a bit too nice, particularly the last two lines.
The title seems a little bland. How about going over the top with "succubus" or something like that?
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| Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2021 08:48 pm |
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3rd Post |
I2ain_2_Battle
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 4th, 2013 |
| Location: | Spruce Pine, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 219 |
| Favorite Artist: | Staind, GooGoo Dolls | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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yeah i made the title, and was writing another song and lost interest.. then i wrote this one.. but couldn't change the title.. could you edit it on your end if you have time?
Thanks for the read and suggestion.. It does sound a little too magical..Those two lines..
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| Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2021 10:32 pm |
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4th Post |
| Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2021 01:16 am |
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5th Post |
I2ain_2_Battle
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 4th, 2013 |
| Location: | Spruce Pine, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 219 |
| Favorite Artist: | Staind, GooGoo Dolls | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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hmm.. what do you think of ? i'm not sure.. can you pick a name for me? i have writers block now. haha
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| Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2021 01:39 am |
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6th Post |
| Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2021 03:45 am |
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7th Post |
I2ain_2_Battle
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| Location: | Spruce Pine, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 219 |
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Alright thanks for your help. =) Happy Easter.
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