The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

The Warehouseman’s Song
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sat Mar 6th, 2021 07:40 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I was a warehouseman for a couple of years and remember this particular nightshift where it rain and the foreman rushed us to give the truckers more time to do their deliveries. But as it turned out the rain stopped about dawn and it turn into a beautiful morning with the sun shining through the light haze, brightening the entire warehouse. CMA

The Warehouseman’s Song

Verse 1:
It’s graveyard shift with semis to load
Not much time to get ‘em on the road
Food and goods to buy in local stores
Restock at night before they unlock their doors

Pre-chorus:
The pay is okay, but things are still tight
And she misses me when I work at night, oh

Chorus 1:
I kissed her sleeping with the light on
Eyes closed, she whispered low my name
But now truckers are worried
They see it’s starting to rain
Work fast, this warehouseman sighs,
Or we’ll get all the blame...

Verse 2:
Mid graveyard shift, freight train is in back
Offload sacks and get it down the track
Flour and rice in cars to stock our shelves
A hundred pounds apiece giving my back hell

Short musical break:

Bridge:
Then the warehouse faintly sighs
The sleepy dawn shows its eyes
The morning moon gently nestles
They know the sun is on its way

Chorus 2:
I hear her whispers in the trestles
I pray her love will always stay
Rain stopped, the semis are loaded
And now they’re pulling away
Which lights this warehouseman’s eyes
For it’s a bright new day...

Musical bridge:

Chorus 2:
I hear her whispers in the trestles
I pray her love’ll always stay
Rain stopped, semis are loaded
And now they’re pulling away
Which lights this warehouseman’s eyes
For it’s a bright new day...

© 2021 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Sun Mar 14th, 2021 11:24 pm by cmaja



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2021 03:59 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6967
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like the concept here Charles.

The shift in perspective from verse 1 to chorus 1 feels a bit abrupt. Maybe you could do a lead in with the last line of the verse?
...
Food and goods to buy in local stores
Back at home... (she's waiting for me sort of thing)

And I know she’s sleeping with a light on

I like how in chorus 2 you bring her into the warehouse.
That's a nice touch.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2021 04:15 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanks, Owen... I changed it based upon your suggestion. And then some. I think it sounds a bit more intimate now. Once again you came through with solid input.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2021 08:52 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6967
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Nice! :)



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Mar 10th, 2021 04:52 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Nelly 20
Member


Joined: Tue Jan 5th, 2021
Location:  
Posts: 72
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Wow! What a nice Title, Charles?!
Very good lyric and concept. this kind of writing is more honest than writing about love stories..
but the first 2 lines in the chorus 1 seem surprising to me as well.



____________________
Reaching the top is so hard but not impossible.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Mar 10th, 2021 07:07 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Nelly 20 wrote:
Wow! What a nice Title, Charles?!
Very good lyric and concept. this kind of writing is more honest than writing about love stories..
but the first 2 lines in the chorus 1 seem surprising to me as well.


Thanks, Nelly... I appreciate your positive review. Chorus 1 changed from the original —which was more abrupt.

Working in a warehouse on graveyard shift is a lonely job and being newly married to a wonderful girl, my thoughts would wander to her while I knew she was sleeping, switching back to my job when attention was needed. Most times I was on autopilot and my mind would easily wander. But that particular night was kinda crazy —there was a lot going on.

Anyhow, I’m pleased you enjoyed it.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Mar 14th, 2021 11:27 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Okay, Nelly20 and RD Man... I added a pre-chorus between verse 1 and chorus 1 to smooth the transition. Check it out!

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Mar 14th, 2021 11:34 pm
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6967
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Works for me! Definitely smoother.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Mar 14th, 2021 11:46 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
JayDub
Member
 

Joined: Wed Feb 17th, 2021
Location: Kentucky USA
Posts: 82
Favorite Artist: Chris Stapleton, Eric Church, Luke Combs, Cody Johnson, Bon Jovi
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Online
I absolutely love this. My late grandpa worked night shift in a warehouse for years and used to tell me stories about how lonely it could be when he was by himself for hours on end and stuff.

I haven't been on much lately so I don't know what it looked like before the pre chorus, but I really like what you've built here.

Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Mar 17th, 2021 03:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
JayDub wrote:
I absolutely love this. My late grandpa worked night shift in a warehouse for years and used to tell me stories about how lonely it could be when he was by himself for hours on end and stuff.

I haven't been on much lately so I don't know what it looked like before the pre chorus, but I really like what you've built here.


Hey Jay, I appreciate your input and I’m please you love it. Years of being a warehouseman can ware one down. It’s at times hard physical work and the only times you can visit with others is during lunch and sometimes breaks. I never got too much sleep during the day, but fortunately I worked mostly weekends and went to my college classes during the weekdays. Saturday night to Sunday I work a double shift a lot of the time, which was pretty rough. But the pay for Sunday overtime was double. But I loved some of the sunrises and the warehousemen were a great bunch.

God bless your grandfather.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Mar 18th, 2021 06:17 am
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1205
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
Works for me! Definitely smoother.

Once again, Owen, you’ve been an appreciated help. Thanks.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


Current time is 04:16 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1813 seconds (18% database + 82% PHP). 32 queries executed.