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| Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 01:44 am |
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1st Post |
TJD
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 1st, 2021 |
| Location: | Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 49 |
| Favorite Artist: | | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
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Hi all,
Early draft of trying to put music to my lyrics I've had for awhile. I think some good licks are coming out of it. Have a listen and let me know what you think so far.......I will keep working on it and post my progress
https://soundcloud.com/todd-davidson-726394271/this-is-all-on-you-early-draft
This Is All On You © 2021
Words and Music by Todd Davidson
V1
Well there's a rumor going 'round the town
They say that I'm the one who let you down
But you and I know, that ain't true
This is all on you
And it's time you get the story right
You know the reason you and I fight
It's always the same, and you're to blame
This is all on you
Chorus
Yeah, you were the one who took away all the fun
And I was made to play the fool
You were messin' around with every guy in town
And I heard even you know who!
So let's not pretend that it's not the end
What else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I know they say that it takes two
But this is all on you
V2
Well, I'm tired of your song and dance
I think it's time I take a stance
So move it along, I guess I was wrong
To think that you'd be true
And I know that I will be alright
It's finally time I saw the light
And all of my friends, They're saying it too
This is all on you
Chorus
Yeah, you were the one who took away all the fun
And I was made to play the fool
You were messin' around with every guy in town
And I heard even you know who!
So let's not pretend that it's not the end
What else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I know they say that it takes two
But this is all on you
Bridge
Well, some other guys may believe all your lies
But I'm a man who sees right through
So, save all your talk, it's time that you walk
It's time that I forget about you
Chorus
Yeah, you were the one who took away all the fun
And I was made to play the fool
You were messin' around with every guy in town
And I heard even you know who!
So let's not pretend that it's not the end
What else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I know they say that it takes two
But this is all on youLast edited on Mon Feb 22nd, 2021 01:24 am by TJD
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| Posted: Tue Feb 23rd, 2021 01:11 am |
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2nd Post |
Andrea
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| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 2021 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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Hi and welcome to the forum. I enjoyed your song. The melodies are nice, and I like the theme of the lyrics. The hook is really good! I do have some suggestion on the lyrics. They are just my personal ideas to use or lose.
V1
Well there's a rumor going 'round the town >- could remove ‘well’
They say that I'm the one who let you down >- lose the ‘that’
But you and I know, that ain't true >- could remove ‘but’
This is all on you (I could maybe hear a Darlin' this is all on you?)
And it's time you get the story right >- could remove ‘And’
You know the reason you and I fight >- I would get specific here. Ie, Your cheatin is the reason we fight
It's always the same, and you're to blame >- this is fine, but another rhyme to consider would be ‘shame’
This is all on you
Chorus
Yeah, you were the one who took away all the fun >- I don’t think ‘fun’ fits the best. If he’s only in it for fun, then playing the field doesn’t make sense. What would make him the fool?
And I was made to play the fool>- Lose 'And'
You were messin' around with every guy in town
And I heard even you know who! >- this is cute, but to me it lacks true meaning of ‘who’ is.
So let's not pretend that it's not the end >- I would lose the ‘so’
What else am I supposed to do? >- you can make this stronger. ie, Good-bye is long overdue -or something of this nature
Yeah, I know they say that it takes two >- you could lose ‘yeah’?
But this is all on you (again, I hear Darlin' this is all on you)
V2
Well, I'm tired of your song and dance >- lose 'well'
I think it's time I take a stance >- this could be stronger: I know it’s time…
So move it along, I guess I was wrong >- could be stronger – I was horribly wrong- or something like this
To think that you'd be true >- think? - maybe trust?
And I know that I will be alright>- lose ‘And’
It's finally time I saw the light >- make it a stronger statement. Ie, cuz I’ve finally seen the light. Or, you could switch L1 and L2 with a bit of tweaking.
I’ve finally come to see the light
I know that I will be alright
And all of my friends, They're saying it too >- this line kind of contradicts V1. I would try something else. Idea: From my point of view/ it’s way overdue
This is all on you
Chorus
Yeah, you were the one who took away all the fun
And I was made to play the fool
You were messin' around with every guy in town
And I heard even you know who!
So let's not pretend that it's not the end
What else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I know they say that it takes two
____________________
Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Feb 23rd, 2021 01:47 am |
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3rd Post |
TJD
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 1st, 2021 |
| Location: | Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 49 |
| Favorite Artist: | | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
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Hi Andrea. Thank you for taking the time to listen and put your ideas together. I will take the time to digest all that and run it through and see what I like. I already see a couple things that I like, so thanks again.
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