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| Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 08:28 am |
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cmaja
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Wrote this last year along with a few more I haven’t posted. I think this lyric would be best sung by a songstress. CMA
Now You’re Free
Verse 1:
I cried when you said that we need to talk
My heart knows you wanna walk
You say it’s your fault not mine
But it’s clear what’s on your mind
Sometimes freedom shackles good sense
And my tears can’t faze what you intend
Chorus:
Oh, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and my knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...
Verse 2:
I lie to myself thinking you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true
Chorus:
Still, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...
Bridge:
Promises don’t mean much anymore
And our plans just clutter the floor
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for
Chorus:
Oh, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...
Post chorus:
Free, free, free
And now you’re free...
Unlike me
Now you’re free
© 2020 Charles M AndersonLast edited on Wed Feb 24th, 2021 02:59 am by cmaja
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| Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 01:51 pm |
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derrickhand300
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Dude- to me personally- this is the best of the few I have seen that you have posted- I REALLY like it.
I only needed to read it once and I GOT IT! Thats important to me because Im not a very deep person 
Really little feedback other than that- if I had to search the lyrics to try and find SOMETHING it would be this line
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true
Up one's view to me takes away some of the great sentiment of the song. I played with it in my head and came up with
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes but then would need rhyme for the next line.
Its REAL GOOD work- I hope thats what you take away from my review- would love to hear it aloud
PS -Also love the Post Chorus- thanks for teaching me thatLast edited on Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 01:53 pm by derrickhand300
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| Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 04:05 pm |
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MyFathersSon
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I have to agree with Derrickhand300, a clear and easy read.
One suggestion:
Bridge:
Our plans don’t mean much anymore <<<<<
And promises just clutter the floor <<<<<
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for
Maybe reverse these two - Promises don't mean much anymore (ie vows)
Our plans lay littering the floor
As for Derrickhand300s suggestion:
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true (and what is/or) lies or
Sometimes crying clears (the/my) view
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true.
Paul
Last edited on Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 04:09 pm by MyFathersSon
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| Posted: Thu Feb 4th, 2021 10:00 am |
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cmaja
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derrickhand300 wrote:
Dude- to me personally- this is the best of the few I have seen that you have posted- I REALLY like it.
I only needed to read it once and I GOT IT! Thats important to me because Im not a very deep person
Really little feedback other than that- if I had to search the lyrics to try and find SOMETHING it would be this line
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true
Up one's view to me takes away some of the great sentiment of the song. I played with it in my head and came up with
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes but then would need rhyme for the next line.
Its REAL GOOD work- I hope thats what you take away from my review- would love to hear it aloud
PS -Also love the Post Chorus- thanks for teaching me that
Hey, Derrick, thanks for the review and comments. Before you decide which of my lyrics/songs are best, you need to check out all 195 posted on TSF. So you got a few to go. I think I’ve got quite a few that are better than this one in my opinion. But what do I know...
...up one’s view. That line, like its sister line in verse 1, is universal rather than specific to the narrator. I like to keep continuity from verse to verse.
Pre-choruses, post choruses and codas I use to transition, highlight and complete, respectively. Sometimes I’ll use an intros, refrains and even post codas. Whatever I need to say whatever. I think I made up post codas —never seen anyone else use ‘em.
Anyway I appreciate you checking it out.
Charles
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| Posted: Sat Feb 6th, 2021 08:47 pm |
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cmaja
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MyFathersSon wrote:
I have to agree with Derrickhand300, a clear and easy read.
One suggestion:
Bridge:
Our plans don’t mean much anymore <<<<<
And promises just clutter the floor <<<<<
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for
Maybe reverse these two - Promises don't mean much anymore (ie vows)
Our plans lay littering the floor
As for Derrickhand300s suggestion:
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true (and what is/or) lies or
Sometimes crying clears (the/my) view
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true.
Paul
Thank you, Paul, for your review and suggestions. I took you advise in reference to the bridge. Reversing those lines makes sense.
See response made to Derrick for verse suggestions.
I’m grateful for your input.
Charles
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| Posted: Mon Feb 8th, 2021 09:39 pm |
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Andrea
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Another nice sad love song Charles.
I love this line - it speaks volumes in one line!
"And my tears can’t faze what you intend"
"Tears run down like rain onto my knees" >> - although this paints a nice picture and rhymes with free, it sounds awkward. I can picture tears falling down my face, my neck, my chest, but knees seems odd. Maybe;
Tears run down like rain as I fall on my hands and knees?
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| Posted: Mon Feb 8th, 2021 11:45 pm |
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Another nice sad love song Charles.
I love this line - it speaks volumes in one line!
"And my tears can’t faze what you intend"
"Tears run down like rain onto my knees" >> - although this paints a nice picture and rhymes with free, it sounds awkward. I can picture tears falling down my face, my neck, my chest, but knees seems odd. Maybe;
Tears run down like rain as I fall on my hands and knees?
Thanks, Andrea, for your review and suggestion.
Yea, “Tears can’t faze...” shows a pretty hard heart.
Glad you brought up that, “Tears run down...” line. It kinda bothered me when I was writing it. I changed it. Thanks.
Charles
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| Posted: Sat Feb 13th, 2021 04:11 pm |
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Kayla813
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Verse 2 and bridge
yes, oh yes
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We can take the heat,
because we are on fire;
Nothing is HOTTER or BRIGHTER than that.
-KH*My Own Song-
=)
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| Posted: Sat Feb 13th, 2021 11:52 pm |
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cmaja
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Kayla813 wrote:
Verse 2 and bridge
yes, oh yes
Yes, I appreciate your positive review. Thanks for checking it out.
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 01:09 am |
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M.P. Dudash
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Charles, I like this one as well. Probably one of my favorites of yours. I know how you feel though. I’ve written some that I loved and received mediocre response and others I threw together got a better response. Heck I posted one in a FB group I’m in and a woman messaged me asking if she could send it on to Roger Alan Wade. Said she was a personal friend of his. I never heard back, didn’t think I would, but never thought much of the write personally. I guess it’s like some others say, we never know what will catch someone else’s eye.
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| Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 03:18 am |
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cmaja
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
Charles, I like this one as well. Probably one of my favorites of yours. I know how you feel though. I’ve written some that I loved and received mediocre response and others I threw together got a better response. Heck I posted one in a FB group I’m in and a woman messaged me asking if she could send it on to Roger Alan Wade. Said she was a personal friend of his. I never heard back, didn’t think I would, but never thought much of the write personally. I guess it’s like some others say, we never know what will catch someone else’s eye.
Hey, Mike... I hear where you’re coming from. I’ve had a few lyrics that when to professional musicians and haven’t heard squat. But I got one very good musical composer and we turning into a Elton John / Bernie Taupin team. Cranking out outstanding songs and starting to make some good connections. Also I’m working on a musical. What’s your FB group? Maybe I’ll join.
Thanks for the support and checking out my lyric.
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 07:16 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Charles, the group is American Outlaws (country music promotions) it’s geared for traditional style country artists and such. It’s not intended for lyrics but I posted some on there when I was on FB. I will say if you’ve never heard you may want to check out Sandy Ramos’ site Songwriters Pitch Opportunities, can only post songs on Fridays but it’s ok. She does send out notifications of artists who are openly looking for songs etc.
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| Posted: Mon Feb 22nd, 2021 01:49 am |
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TJD
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Great lyrics. The reader can easily empathize. FWIW, my contribution for suggestions would be for verse 2:
Verse 2:
I lie to myself that you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true
How about;
I lie to myself [thinking] you'll come back
....
....
....
....
[Now] my heart sees and knows what is true
But, like I said, great song!
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| Posted: Tue Feb 23rd, 2021 03:15 am |
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cmaja
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
Charles, the group is American Outlaws (country music promotions) it’s geared for traditional style country artists and such. It’s not intended for lyrics but I posted some on there when I was on FB. I will say if you’ve never heard you may want to check out Sandy Ramos’ site Songwriters Pitch Opportunities, can only post songs on Fridays but it’s ok. She does send out notifications of artists who are openly looking for songs etc.
Hi, Mike... Thanks for the info. I checked out Sandy and it looks like a possibility. I do have some songs to promote.
Sincerely, Charles
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| Posted: Wed Feb 24th, 2021 03:05 am |
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cmaja
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TJD wrote:
Great lyrics. The reader can easily empathize. FWIW, my contribution for suggestions would be for verse 2:
Verse 2:
I lie to myself that you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true
How about;
I lie to myself [thinking] you'll come back
....
....
....
....
[Now] my heart sees and knows what is true
But, like I said, great song!
Thanks a bunch TJD. I used your “thinking” suggestion. I think it improved it.
I appreciate you checking it out.
Charles
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