The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Now You’re Free
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 08:28 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Wrote this last year along with a few more I haven’t posted. I think this lyric would be best sung by a songstress. CMA

Now You’re Free

Verse 1:
I cried when you said that we need to talk
My heart knows you wanna walk
You say it’s your fault not mine
But it’s clear what’s on your mind
Sometimes freedom shackles good sense
And my tears can’t faze what you intend

Chorus:
Oh, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and my knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...

Verse 2:
I lie to myself thinking you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true

Chorus:
Still, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...

Bridge:
Promises don’t mean much anymore
And our plans just clutter the floor
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for

Chorus:
Oh, I cry until my heart is sore
Tears rain down, I’m on my hands and knees
‘Cause you don’t love me anymore
I try so hard for you to see... my love
But you just head out the door
And now you’re free...

Post chorus:
Free, free, free
And now you’re free...
Unlike me
Now you’re free

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Wed Feb 24th, 2021 02:59 am by cmaja



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 01:51 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
derrickhand300
Member


Joined: Wed Nov 25th, 2020
Location: Oklahoma USA
Posts: 258
Favorite Artist: Tyler Childers at the moment
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Dude- to me personally- this is the best of the few I have seen that you have posted- I REALLY like it.
I only needed to read it once and I GOT IT! Thats important to me because Im not a very deep person :)
Really little feedback other than that- if I had to search the lyrics to try and find SOMETHING it would be this line

Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true


Up one's view to me takes away some of the great sentiment of the song. I played with it in my head and came up with
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes but then would need rhyme for the next line.

Its REAL GOOD work- I hope thats what you take away from my review- would love to hear it aloud

PS -Also love the Post Chorus- thanks for teaching me that

Last edited on Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 01:53 pm by derrickhand300



____________________
When You're A Hammer- The Whole Word Is A Nail
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 04:05 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
MyFathersSon
Member
 

Joined: Wed Nov 25th, 2020
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
Posts: 57
Favorite Artist: Depeche Mode, Esoterica, Dreamstate Logic, Phenomena
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
I have to agree with Derrickhand300, a clear and easy read.

One suggestion:

Bridge:
Our plans don’t mean much anymore <<<<<
And promises just clutter the floor      <<<<<
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for

Maybe reverse these two - Promises don't mean much anymore (ie vows)
                                         Our plans lay littering the floor

As for Derrickhand300s suggestion:

Sometimes crying clears up my eyes
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true (and what is/or) lies or

Sometimes crying clears (the/my) view
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true.


Paul

Last edited on Wed Feb 3rd, 2021 04:09 pm by MyFathersSon

Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Feb 4th, 2021 10:00 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
derrickhand300 wrote:
Dude- to me personally- this is the best of the few I have seen that you have posted- I REALLY like it.
I only needed to read it once and I GOT IT! Thats important to me because Im not a very deep person :)
Really little feedback other than that- if I had to search the lyrics to try and find SOMETHING it would be this line

Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true


Up one's view to me takes away some of the great sentiment of the song. I played with it in my head and came up with
Sometimes crying clears up my eyes but then would need rhyme for the next line.

Its REAL GOOD work- I hope thats what you take away from my review- would love to hear it aloud

PS -Also love the Post Chorus- thanks for teaching me that


Hey, Derrick, thanks for the review and comments. Before you decide which of my lyrics/songs are best, you need to check out all 195 posted on TSF. So you got a few to go. I think I’ve got quite a few that are better than this one in my opinion. But what do I know...

...up one’s view. That line, like its sister line in verse 1, is universal rather than specific to the narrator. I like to keep continuity from verse to verse.

Pre-choruses, post choruses and codas I use to transition, highlight and complete, respectively. Sometimes I’ll use an intros, refrains and even post codas. Whatever I need to say whatever. I think I made up post codas —never seen anyone else use ‘em.

Anyway I appreciate you checking it out.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Feb 6th, 2021 08:47 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
MyFathersSon wrote:
I have to agree with Derrickhand300, a clear and easy read.

One suggestion:

Bridge:
Our plans don’t mean much anymore <<<<<
And promises just clutter the floor      <<<<<
We figured out our lives
Now I’ve just tears and sighs
And I don’t know what I’m living for

Maybe reverse these two - Promises don't mean much anymore (ie vows)
                                         Our plans lay littering the floor

As for Derrickhand300s suggestion:

Sometimes crying clears up my eyes
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true (and what is/or) lies or

Sometimes crying clears (the/my) view
So my heart (sees/knows) what is true.


Paul


Thank you, Paul, for your review and suggestions. I took you advise in reference to the bridge. Reversing those lines makes sense.

See response made to Derrick for verse suggestions.

I’m grateful for your input.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Feb 8th, 2021 09:39 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2021
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Another nice sad love song Charles.

I love this line - it speaks volumes in one line!
"And my tears can’t faze what you intend"


"Tears run down like rain onto my knees" >> - although this paints a nice picture and rhymes with free, it sounds awkward. I can picture tears falling down my face, my neck, my chest, but knees seems odd. Maybe;

Tears run down like rain as I fall on my hands and knees?



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Feb 8th, 2021 11:45 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Andrea wrote:
Another nice sad love song Charles.

I love this line - it speaks volumes in one line!
"And my tears can’t faze what you intend"


"Tears run down like rain onto my knees" >> - although this paints a nice picture and rhymes with free, it sounds awkward. I can picture tears falling down my face, my neck, my chest, but knees seems odd. Maybe;

Tears run down like rain as I fall on my hands and knees?


Thanks, Andrea, for your review and suggestion.

Yea, “Tears can’t faze...” shows a pretty hard heart.

Glad you brought up that, “Tears run down...” line. It kinda bothered me when I was writing it. I changed it. Thanks.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Feb 13th, 2021 04:11 pm
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
Kayla813
Member


Joined: Mon Aug 13th, 2012
Location: Boston, Massachusetts USA
Posts: 365
Favorite Artist: Owl City, Blue October, AirborneToxicEvent, Keane, SP, u2,Coldplay, LP,mb20
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Verse 2 and bridge

yes, oh yes



____________________
We can take the heat,
because we are on fire;
Nothing is HOTTER or BRIGHTER than that.
-KH*My Own Song-
=)
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Feb 13th, 2021 11:52 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Kayla813 wrote:
Verse 2 and bridge

yes, oh yes


Yes, I appreciate your positive review. Thanks for checking it out.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 01:09 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1339
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Charles, I like this one as well. Probably one of my favorites of yours. I know how you feel though. I’ve written some that I loved and received mediocre response and others I threw together got a better response. Heck I posted one in a FB group I’m in and a woman messaged me asking if she could send it on to Roger Alan Wade. Said she was a personal friend of his. I never heard back, didn’t think I would, but never thought much of the write personally. I guess it’s like some others say, we never know what will catch someone else’s eye.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 03:18 am
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
M.P. Dudash wrote:
Charles, I like this one as well. Probably one of my favorites of yours. I know how you feel though. I’ve written some that I loved and received mediocre response and others I threw together got a better response. Heck I posted one in a FB group I’m in and a woman messaged me asking if she could send it on to Roger Alan Wade. Said she was a personal friend of his. I never heard back, didn’t think I would, but never thought much of the write personally. I guess it’s like some others say, we never know what will catch someone else’s eye.

Hey, Mike... I hear where you’re coming from. I’ve had a few lyrics that when to professional musicians and haven’t heard squat. But I got one very good musical composer and we turning into a Elton John / Bernie Taupin team. Cranking out outstanding songs and starting to make some good connections. Also I’m working on a musical. What’s your FB group? Maybe I’ll join.

Thanks for the support and checking out my lyric.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2021 07:16 pm
  PMQuoteReply
12th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1339
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Charles, the group is American Outlaws (country music promotions) it’s geared for traditional style country artists and such. It’s not intended for lyrics but I posted some on there when I was on FB. I will say if you’ve never heard you may want to check out Sandy Ramos’ site Songwriters Pitch Opportunities, can only post songs on Fridays but it’s ok. She does send out notifications of artists who are openly looking for songs etc.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Feb 22nd, 2021 01:49 am
  PMQuoteReply
13th Post
TJD
Member
 

Joined: Mon Feb 1st, 2021
Location: Minnesota USA
Posts: 49
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Great lyrics. The reader can easily empathize. FWIW, my contribution for suggestions would be for verse 2:


Verse 2:
I lie to myself that you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true

How about;
I lie to myself [thinking] you'll come back
....
....
....
....
[Now] my heart sees and knows what is true

But, like I said, great song!

Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Feb 23rd, 2021 03:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
14th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
M.P. Dudash wrote:
Charles, the group is American Outlaws (country music promotions) it’s geared for traditional style country artists and such. It’s not intended for lyrics but I posted some on there when I was on FB. I will say if you’ve never heard you may want to check out Sandy Ramos’ site Songwriters Pitch Opportunities, can only post songs on Fridays but it’s ok. She does send out notifications of artists who are openly looking for songs etc.

Hi, Mike... Thanks for the info. I checked out Sandy and it looks like a possibility. I do have some songs to promote.

Sincerely, Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Feb 24th, 2021 03:05 am
  PMQuoteReply
15th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1166
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
TJD wrote:
Great lyrics. The reader can easily empathize. FWIW, my contribution for suggestions would be for verse 2:


Verse 2:
I lie to myself that you’ll come back
Since my heart can face the fact
That you have a new love now
Leaving my life full of doubt
Sometimes crying clears up one’s view
So my heart sees and knows what is true

How about;
I lie to myself [thinking] you'll come back
....
....
....
....
[Now] my heart sees and knows what is true

But, like I said, great song!


Thanks a bunch TJD. I used your “thinking” suggestion. I think it improved it.

I appreciate you checking it out.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


Current time is 07:14 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.2087 seconds (19% database + 81% PHP). 32 queries executed.