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| Posted: Tue Jan 26th, 2021 03:20 pm |
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derrickhand300
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A simple song I'm writing this morning before I go out to work-any suggestions appreciated
No Letting Go
V1
Maybe we can learn
To live within our means
Might mean givin' up
Some of the finer things
Don't need that fancy boat
Hasn't seen the lake in years
Makin' payments on heartache
Just ain't worth the tears
Chorus
Love me tonight
Even if it's a lie
Just hold me close
Turn down the lights
If only for one night
No letting go
V2
My heart knows you're leavin'
It feels you want to go
Please dont stop believin'
Let's take it real slow
We can rewind the clock
To another place and time
Where our greatest joys
Didn't cost a dime
Bridge
I can hold on forever
My lips can't form goodbye
We can right the wrongs
If only we would try
Chorus
Love me tonight
Even if it's a lie
Just hold me close
Turn down the lights
If only for one night
No letting go
© 2021 Curtis Hagen All Rights ReservedLast edited on Tue Jan 26th, 2021 05:49 pm by derrickhand300
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26th, 2021 10:39 pm |
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Kayla813
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This is GREAT work!!!!!!
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We can take the heat,
because we are on fire;
Nothing is HOTTER or BRIGHTER than that.
-KH*My Own Song-
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26th, 2021 10:39 pm |
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Kayla813
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This is GREAT work!!!!!!
____________________
We can take the heat,
because we are on fire;
Nothing is HOTTER or BRIGHTER than that.
-KH*My Own Song-
=)
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26th, 2021 10:39 pm |
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Kayla813
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This is GREAT work!!!!!!
____________________
We can take the heat,
because we are on fire;
Nothing is HOTTER or BRIGHTER than that.
-KH*My Own Song-
=)
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| Posted: Wed Jan 27th, 2021 12:24 am |
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derrickhand300
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Kayla813 wrote:
This is GREAT work!!!!!!
Thank you Kayla! I actually really liked the simplicity of it myself when I finished it
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| Posted: Wed Jan 27th, 2021 09:31 pm |
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RainyDayMan
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I like this from the chorus onward.
V1 feels like something from a different song. It was quite a jolt for me to go from "money problems" to "you're leaving". The first had a different feel - it reads like they are in it together, and can make it work by dropping some unimportant things. Being rich doesn't matter cause we have each other sort of thing. Obviously money can be a significant marital stress in real life. I just didn't read any hints of that in what was written.
The chorus itself is simple and smooth and that's great.
The short phrases work, it's very natural and just feels like it will sing well.
V2 is very much in sync with the chorus.
"My heart knows you're leaving" sets it all up nicely.
You've got the "Didn't cost a dime" reference in there to tie it back to V1. You might even swap the order of the verses. That way you might foreshadow the money issue to come, whilst setting the mood clearly from the start.
The bridge feels a little judgmental to me.
The last line is written "If only we would try" but what's implied is "If only you would try".
Worth pursuing!
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 12:31 am |
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derrickhand300
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Thanks Sir!
I think as a moderator you can likely see ALL the edits I made as I worked on it here and waiting feedback- its been a struggle to write with moving V2 to V1 and stuff- your feedback is close to where I was originally at- when I received feedback outside if TSF and went to changing things 
I did like my original V1 I removed because i guess it just wasnt "country"
V1
Desperate to grasp your hand
You slip towards the abyss
Pleading with me to let go
Slowly breaking my grip
I can hold on forever
My lips wont say goodbye
We can right the wrongs
If only we could try
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 12:54 am |
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 01:30 am |
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derrickhand300
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Thank you!
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 05:37 am |
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derrickhand300
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RainyDayMan wrote:
derrickhand300 wrote:
your feedback is close to where I was originally at- when I received feedback outside if TSF and went to changing things
I hear you! Sometimes there is agreement on things to look at, other times people give you contradictory feedback!
This might be one to make up your own mind on
What are you thoughts on swapping places with v1 and V2 as written? Along with the following change to the title and hook
Just Don't Let Go
V1
My heart knows you're leavin'
It feels you want to go
Please dont stop believin'
Let's take it real slow
We can rewind the clock
To another place and time
Where our greatest joys
Didn't cost a dime
Chorus
Love me tonight
Even if it's a lie
Just hold me close
Turn down the lights
If only for one night
Just Don't Let Go
V2
Maybe we can learn
To live within our means
Might mean givin' up
Some of the finer things
Don't need that fancy boat
Hasn't seen the lake in years
Makin' payments on heartache
Just ain't worth the tears
Bridge
I can hold on forever
My lips can't form goodbye
We can right the wrongs
If only we would try
Chorus
Love me tonight
Even if it's a lie
Just hold me close
Turn down the lights
If only for one night
Just Don't Let Go
© 2021 Curtis Hagen All Rights Reserved
Last edited on Thu Jan 28th, 2021 05:45 am by derrickhand300
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 06:45 am |
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 12:26 pm |
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derrickhand300
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Thanks!
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 12:31 pm |
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derrickhand300
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I do prefer that. The "didn't cost a dime" at the end provides some continuity between them. And once the mood is established it should be easier to continue that into the new V2. And of course the music will help there too.
Sorry to keep bothering you with this- but you didnt care for part of the bridge so I wondered your though on this change
Bridge
I can hold on forever
My lips can't form goodbye
We can't go wrong
Tryin to make it rightLast edited on Thu Jan 28th, 2021 12:37 pm by derrickhand300
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 08:45 pm |
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28th, 2021 10:31 pm |
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derrickhand300
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Ok DONE! Thanks!
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| Posted: Fri Jan 29th, 2021 05:16 am |
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SongWriterJoe
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Suggestion:
{Chorus}
Darlin' love me tonight..
Even if it's only.. a lover's little lie
Hold me close and hug me tight.. then
Let's turn down the lights
If it's only for one night
There's just no letting go.
Last edited on Fri Jan 29th, 2021 05:23 am by SongWriterJoe
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| Posted: Fri Jan 29th, 2021 12:40 pm |
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derrickhand300
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Thank you! (Im stealing the 'Darlin" ) I appreciate the help! Last edited on Fri Jan 29th, 2021 01:03 pm by derrickhand300
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