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Eternal Grace
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 Posted: Wed Jan 13th, 2021 11:01 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Almost no words needed. Planed as a pieces that gets more and more speed with every line till it reaches it’s climax and starts all over with half the power.

Eternal Grace

One part of my brain still sings this song A‘
A part of my soul walks through the room
Where we’ve laughed, where we’ve cried, where we’ve smiled
Still hear his voice and smell her perfume
My eyes turn wet, I’m afraid to speak
Afraid to lose it, through all my grief
Ashamed to show how deep I am hurt
Ashamed of calling death a damn thief

But no matter how long I‘ll wander through life
No matter how many souls I will meet. B
No one can ever take your place
And no matter how long I’ll wander through life
What ever I’ll do, say and see
The love you gave me can no one erase
So there is only one thing left to do
Let you go to the eternal grace
God’s eternal grace

My heartache still takes away my sight. A+
This silence is still hurting my ears
But I know you will stay by my side
Through all my struggles and all my fears
My mind turns blank, what’s left is to feel
To go through emotions and mem‘ries
And let go of all the pain inside
Until you and I will find peace

And no matter how long I‘ll wander through life
No matter how many souls I will meet. B
No one can ever take your place
And no matter how long I’ll wander through life
What ever I’ll do, say and see
The love you gave me can no one erase
So there is only one thing left to do
Let you go to the eternal grace
God’s eternal grace

Solo. C (crossing climax)

And no matter how long I‘ll wander through life
No matter how many souls I will meet. B
No one can ever take your place
And no matter how long I’ll wander through life
What ever I’ll do, say and see
The love you gave me can no one erase
So there is only one thing left to do
Let you go to the eternal grace
God’s eternal grace

My eyes turn wet, I’m afraid to speak. A*
Afraid to lose it, through all my grief
But sat down to write this little piece
While praying that you two find relief
In God’s eternal grace

© by Ian P.
13.01.2021
W by Ian P.
for: VB
Dedicated to Herry and Köky... I love you both!

Last edited on Fri Jan 15th, 2021 12:52 pm by RainbowKeeper



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 Posted: Fri Jan 15th, 2021 01:40 am
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Andrea
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Hi Ian,

This is so touching. The emotions are strong in these lyrics. It feels so personal so I hate to suggest any changes.

But, These two lines jump out at me:

"Where we’ve laughed, where we’ve cried, where we’ve smiled>>-- This is very long. Maybe it could be shortented up? 'Where we've laughed, We've cried, We've smiled - or 'Where we've laughed and cried and smiled'.

Still hear his voice and sent her perfume">>- I think you mean scent here. To keep the same meter - 'Still hear his voice and smell her perfume'

It is beautiful Ian. God bless :)



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 Posted: Fri Jan 15th, 2021 12:42 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Oh yeah thanx Andrea .... scent...was the word there. I wrote it in the original lyrics on paper but I guess my phone got once again mad at me for switching languages when I typed the lyrics to post them here.... and if u don’t check twice.... 😅 thanks! I’ll change that asap. Atm we are all searching for the right photo for the funeral....ufff...and I fell last evening so that my arm hurts. But well....doesn’t matter atm. Tyvm for your feedback!
RK



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 Posted: Mon Jan 18th, 2021 12:33 am
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Taylorm260
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A part of my soul walks through the room
^^^^ I like that it's just a part

My eyes turn wet, I’m afraid to speak
^^^^ "turn wet" is a little odd to me.

Ashamed of calling death a damn thief
^^^^ I know why you used the word ashamed, but I think there may be a word that fits better into this sentence.

The love you gave me can no one erase
^^^^^ maybe "not one can erase"

My heartache still takes away my sight
^^^^^ not sure how heartache would directly influence sight.

This silence is still hurting my ears
^^^^^ muy bueno

While praying that you two find relief
^^^^^ I'm guessing that you wrote this for someone else about someone else's life based on this line, but for most audiences, the sudden "you two" may seem a little out of place.

Very emotional. Pair it with the right music and I think you can draw quite a bit from your audience.

Edit: I just finished here to go work on a sassy, seductive sort of song and I can't do it now because your lyrics so effectively put me into a darker more solemn mood lol. Good job.

Last edited on Mon Jan 18th, 2021 12:39 am by Taylorm260



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 Posted: Mon Jan 18th, 2021 12:43 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Ehem ty, I guess!



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 Posted: Tue Jan 19th, 2021 12:34 am
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derrickhand300
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was it a "couple" that died?
Still hear his voice and smell her perfume
To me- it conjures up someone that's been a lifelong love- and then dealing with the loss of them- so I struggle with some parts although written beautifully
My strong point has never been finding the deeper meaning

Last edited on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 12:14 pm by derrickhand300



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 Posted: Tue Jan 19th, 2021 02:14 am
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RainbowKeeper
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In fact this is a kind of a farewell song to my aunt and my uncle. She was my second mother, my nanny and all that and he was my godfather. I lost her on oct. 30 2020 and him on Jan. 13. 2021.
I found myself in a very, almost touchable, emotion...it wasn’t „just“ grief...hard to explain, but I literally sat down in my room and my mind went to their apartment. My „spirit“ walked cross all the rooms that are now empty, and somehow I felt my heart break in that moment. So I kinda woke up but kept the line about „walking the rooms“ in my head. Then I started writing and I was able to „hear“ it while I wrote it. Didn’t take long, absolutely sure about the character and the flow....
Anyway, I have had a lot to deal with in the last 2-3 years, and this is now the climax....I pray that it is the climax!

Ps: to answer the one above: image of heartache takes sight = heartache makes you cry.... just a more poetic way to say „I’m crying like a....“.
Thanx for your interest in my stuff and your comments and fb
RK



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 Posted: Tue Jan 19th, 2021 02:44 am
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derrickhand300
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Well its beautiful and my heartfelt sympathy for what you are enduring- I wish you peace.

I always try to preface every comment with "Im New" so if I say something ignorant I am hoping for forgiveness

Recently I wrote a song about a mother and small boy passing- I always bring a song here before calling it finished because the thought that goes into feedback is so awesome. The consensus seems to be just keep the deaths at 1 because two was harder to understand I realized then I needed 1 more short verse to explain it- so when I "read" your song I want to understand as much as possible like in the explanation you gave above

Again- my sympathy

Last edited on Tue Jan 19th, 2021 02:45 am by derrickhand300



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 Posted: Tue Jan 19th, 2021 10:20 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Thank you very much!



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 Posted: Wed Jan 20th, 2021 05:00 pm
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JustAnotherDreamer
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RK, my sincere condolences about your loved ones. I am also kind of reluctant to make suggestions on this song as I think it sends a strong and very personal message.
My only comment as I was reading the song was discussed earlier - I also got confused a bit by this line: “ My heartache still takes away my sight.” I feel like maybe if it was a bit more clear that you are talking about crying it would be more vivid....I just feel like the connection between heartache and lack of sight is not super obvious from the first read. Maybe something along the lines “My tears still take away my sight”... or “The stream of tears still makes me blind”...
Thank you for sharing this song on TSF.

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 Posted: Wed Jan 20th, 2021 10:49 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Ty for your kind words.
I understand what you are saying, and don’t ever hold back a comment on a song I posted here, but I have to say, that in this particular case I ll stick to how it’s written. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel the connection very strong, as a result of cause and effect. It truly is a very tough time here atm. Since Xmas we already got five upsetting news of ppl passing away while we still and now once again fight our own battle. It gets very deep and just creeps into your soul, even if you don’t want that to happen. It’s just a strange time atm.
Rk



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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