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| Posted: Wed Dec 30th, 2020 08:41 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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I hate the man in the mirror
Don’t think it gets much clearer than that
Had a soul but let it go
As I watched my life falling through the cracks
From the bottle to the can
Traded habits for the hand that I’ve been dealt
These crutches full of remorse
Lead me on a crash course towards myself
Each drink is a shovel
That helps me dig my grave
Many times I’ve asked for help
As I felt my heart race
Knowing damn well that I’ll do it all once again
Tryin’ to get right with the good Lord
Then the devil takes my hand
Guess grace is what you make it
Another day to get it right
My souls grown cold and weary
Looking for the light
The promise of tomorrow
Seems so far away
This shell is hell and emptiness
Stares back into my face
Each drink is a shovel
That helps me dig my grave
Many times I’ve asked for help
As I felt my heart race
Knowing damn well that I’ll do it all once again
Trying to get right with the good Lord
Then the devil takes my hand
I’m much better off than most
But lay excuses at my feet
Wonderin’ why I can’t get out
Of what’s s so easy to see
To tell the truth I am ashamed
It’s the one thing I can’t quit
My minds the jigsaw puzzle
And the devils found his fit
Each drink is a shovel
That helps me dig my grave
Many times I’ve asked for help
As I felt my heart race
Knowing damn well that I’ll do it all over again
Been try’n to get right with the good Lord
Then the devil takes my hand
Been try’n to get right with the good Lord
Then the devil takes my hand
Copyright © Michael P Dudash 2020
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30th, 2020 10:54 pm |
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Taylorm260
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You might consider simplifying the chorus a bit and then converting it to a pre chorus. I think that last line about taking the devil's hand would be a really cool lead in to a chorus that maybe discusses what it's like to walk with the devil. You could use experiences of alcohol addiction to do this. Sorry, I'm not sure how to exactly explain what I'm thinking, but this did excite me with ideas. I can try and write out something rough later to explain what I mean if you are at all interested. If not, I won't be offended. I like that you chose this topic to talk about, especially in a country song. Last edited on Wed Dec 30th, 2020 10:54 pm by Taylorm260
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| Posted: Wed Dec 30th, 2020 11:16 pm |
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RainyDayMan
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Each drink is a shovel
That helps me dig my grave
I really like that. Those are my fav lines.
It has a harsh bitterness to it, emphasized by the first 2 lines:
I hate the man in the mirror
Don’t think it gets much clearer than that
Not necessarily an easy song to hear, but that doesn't make it less worthwhile.
Traded habits for the hand that I’ve been dealt
That feels a bit off to me in that "traded" is active, whereas "I've been dealt" is passive, but I do like the hand/can rhyme
These crutches full of remorse
doesn't seem like a natural metaphor
My minds the jigsaw puzzle
And the devils found his fit
I like that too.
I didn't exactly enjoy the song, but it held my attention.
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| Posted: Thu Dec 31st, 2020 03:15 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Taylor, I thought about what you are saying after I finished it. Then I also think that it is meant to stay simple and to the point that he gets drug back down the same road. I appreciate your look and critique. I can’t say if I’d like it better the other way or not. If you feel like coming up with something I could be swayed. That’s totally up to you. Thanks
Owen, it is more about the deep loathing and darkness that I have felt at times. I think it will hit home with those that have lived it. If it kept your attention than at least that is a good thing. Thanks for looking and you comments. Maybe it was meant to be more introspective than a song, I’m not really sure at this point.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2021 02:15 am |
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derrickhand300
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I echo what RainyDayMan has said
Its really very powerful!
"Each drink is a shovel
That helps me dig my grave
Many times I’ve asked for help
As I felt my heart race
Knowing damn well that I’ll do it all once again
Tryin’ to get right with the good Lord
Then the devil takes my hand"
I like every part of this except for
As I felt my heart race
maybe
Always feeling hope fade
I say that because it sounds like someone wanting HELP but each time it never comes
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| Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2021 02:33 pm |
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6th Post |
M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Derrick for commenting. That line could be changed. I guess I wrote it a bit too personal as that is my take on it. Appreciate the suggestion.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2021 05:37 pm |
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7th Post |
SongWriterJoe
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I like this.. a suggestion: "as I watched my shattered life fall through the many cracks"
Also:
"Each drink is like a shovel
Helping me dig my early grave"
The other way is fine also, I just thought these might add a little descriptive "color" Last edited on Mon Jan 4th, 2021 05:47 pm by SongWriterJoe
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| Posted: Mon Jan 4th, 2021 06:01 pm |
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8th Post |
M.P. Dudash
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Thank you Joe! Appreciate the suggestions!
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