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| Posted: Tue Dec 15th, 2020 07:57 am |
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JAPOV
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Those yoga tights get my attention
When you smile from that position you're in
But I must question your intentions
Sipping latte's with your gay friends
You like my truck, you like my boots
You say I look like nobody's fool
But country music has no bass
And my guns really scare you
Those bright blue eyes are the devil's spies
You're tongue is sharp but soft
Can't read between the blurry lines
Honey, you turn me on... But you turn me off
You say mother earth needs our love
Starving puppies are such a pity
You really want to change the world
But I see nothing green in the city
Red and yellow, black and white
Let's all make love and seize the day
Honey, I can't fault your ambition
But real life is more than grey
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Let's write something!!!! 
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19th, 2020 03:44 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Japov, I’m not sold on the overall, but the last 2 verses hold some excellent ideas. The buildup to the last line in v4 is awesome. Never looked at it that way but truer words have not been spoken. I see a song just in that. A little refinement for the genre, and you have solid gold country. May upset a few people but oh well. Black and white beer goggle haze, for v5 line 1, something along those lines? It has excellent potential.
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| Posted: Sat Dec 19th, 2020 10:09 pm |
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Taylorm260
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I agree with M.P Dudash. I think it is interesting that he said he sees a song itself in the fourth verse, because I was seeing one in the fifth. Also, maybe try "when you smile at me from that odd position" or something like that. I'm not sure how that sings melodically, but my ear wants to hear that line end on the word position. Might just be me though. Last edited on Sat Dec 19th, 2020 10:12 pm by Taylorm260
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Disclaimer: I am a beginner! Take any advice from me with a grain of salt because I probably don't know what I'm talking about!
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20th, 2020 01:36 am |
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20th, 2020 01:59 am |
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M.P. Dudash
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Japov, you won’t get an argument from me. I like where this idea could go. Kind of a Charlie Daniels anthem.
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| Posted: Sun Dec 20th, 2020 05:19 am |
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| Posted: Mon Dec 21st, 2020 06:38 pm |
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Andrea
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I think these lyrics seem to have 2 different themes. The first three verses seem to be about a flirtation between a man and woman, and the others about "making a change/ saving things". I can see some references to the cultural difference and saving the Earth, but they don't stand out enough to catch in the first 3 verses.
I love this verse too:
"Those bright blue eyes are the devil's spies
You're tongue is sharp but soft
Can't read between the blurry lines
Honey, you turn me on... But you turn me off" --> this line works so well in this verse.
IMO, I would love to have more of this particular verse
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| Posted: Mon Dec 21st, 2020 09:56 pm |
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BRD
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Again, it's about the audience. Who is it? Is it for mass audiences? Is it to try and get on a major label album? The last line in the first stanza if it is. Now, if you're trying to get people riled up and trigger some folks, then that last line will do fine.
But, if you're wanting it to play to a larger audience and you're trying to highlight the differences between country living and high-brow city life, you might try something like, "acting all cosmopolitan."
Can easily rhyme with friends if you say it with some twang. A lot of people where I'm say it cosmopolo-ten. Or, whatever you choose. But, just saying that one line would make it a tosser to a huge number of folks you might be trying to sell this to.
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