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Life time together
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 Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2020 02:39 am
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PerryC
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Nobody at the nursing home Really knows Marie
she just showed up wet and crying One night in 13
When she was young her eyes were green hair down to her waist
Budding breasts and slender hips red lips sugar laced
She was out on 66
in Gallup New Mexico
Thumb in the wind and going
where ever you wanted to go
Back in 40 roads were bare
She slid in and shut the door
We made it to Tucumcari
We weren’t strangers anymore
73 years passed to soon
never spent night apart
She fell to pieces when he died
Her life her love her heart
She was out on 66
in Gallup New Mexico
Thumb in the wind and going
where ever you wanted to go
Back in 40 roads were bare
She slid in and shut the door
We made it to Tucumcari
We weren’t strangers anymore

Copyright@Perry Mattingly12012020



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Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

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 Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2020 09:49 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like the lyric, it has heart. Her carefree spirit shines through and is very appealing.

The opening in the nursing home is poignant, but I'm not convinced it works. More than anything it just isn't relevant to what follows. You could easily lose those lines, start with "She was young, her eyes were green..." and none of the following lines would need to change. I think if you want to use this, you need to return to it later constrasting how she is vs how she was. But to me that isn't the heart of the song - it's about how she was and how they met. I also found the time switch unnecessarily complicated and the jump from "nursing home" to "budding breasts" jarring.

The other issue I see is the switch from his perspective "we" - first person - to "he" third person at "when he died". It's problematic because obviously "when I died" would be a weird phrase (so he's a ghost?) but equally, without that you immediately think "so who's narrating now?" Maybe there is a way to rewrite it without using a pronoun, not sure.

But I still like the song. You've made me want to be the guy on 66 who meets her and falls in love.



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 Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2020 10:50 pm
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PerryC
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I think you are spot on. The nursing home thing was merely to point out the time. Maybe I can throw it out or revamp it to show the length of years. I will work on it a bit. I was putting chords to it and a few lines were changing anyway.



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Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

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 Posted: Wed Dec 2nd, 2020 11:21 pm
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PerryC
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(D) When she was young her(Em) eyes were green (A)hair down to her(D) waist
(D) Budding breasts and(Em)slender hips(A) red lips sugar (D)laced
(D)The desert wind whiffed (Em)around her (A)dessert cactus yellow (D)skirt
(D)Showing her thigh high(Em) seamed fashion hose(A) to give a little (D) flirt

(Bm)She was out on Highway(G)66 in(A)Gallup New (D)Mexico.
(Bm)Thumb in the wind and (G)going (A)where ever you wanted to (D)go
(Bm)He pulled the 39 mercury (G) over as (A)She slid in and shut (D)the door.
(Bm)They made it out too Tu(G)cumcari.(A)They weren’t strangers (D)anymore

(D)73 years(Em) passed too soon.(A)They never spent a night(D) apart
(D)She fell to(Em)pieces when he died.(A)Her life her love her (D)heart
(D)She walked out to the(Em) river closed her(A)eyes and fell (D)in
(D)Then a stranger(Em) pulled her out(A)that’s where the story (D) ends

(Bm)She was out on Highway(G)66 in(A)Gallup New (D)Mexico.
(Bm)Thumb in the wind and (G)going (A)where ever you wanted to (D)go
(Bm)He pulled the 39 mercury (G) over as (A)she slid in and shut (D)the door.
(Bm)They made it out too Tu(G)cumcari.(A)They weren’t strangers (D)anymore

Copyright@PerryMattingly12022020



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Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

https://soundcloud.com/perry-mattingly-53964
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 Posted: Sun Dec 6th, 2020 04:05 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Perry, I really like the first two verses. For me, I wanted to know more about their love life when the story suddenly changed. The stranger pulling her out, the end - this is odd to me.

One last thing. The "budding breasts" line makes me uncomfotable, because that would suggest she was somewhere between 8 and 13 years old.



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 Posted: Sun Dec 6th, 2020 04:29 pm
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PerryC
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whoops. I changed several lines but I'll take out the breast part too. She was 16 by the way.



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Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

https://soundcloud.com/perry-mattingly-53964
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 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 01:00 am
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SongWriterJoe
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I like the song and I like the idea, but I'm a little confused apparently you had a fling with this girl when she was young, but her lover died, and if you were her lover and you died how could you be the narrator? I'm sorry I'm not trying to be obtuse here, just trying to figure this out



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 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 03:39 am
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derrickhand300
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I don't want the story to end when the stranger pulls her out
Maybe change this part a bit?
"that’s where the story (D) ends"



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 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 01:52 pm
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PerryC
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Thank you



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Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

https://soundcloud.com/perry-mattingly-53964
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 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 01:53 pm
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PerryC
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Joined: Sat Oct 31st, 2020
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thanks



____________________
Gibson J-15 - Apple - Shure SM58 - Fishman Loudbox Artist - Focusrite Gen 3 - Cakewalk Sonar 8.5 Producer - Ableton - 1961 Silvertone 1448 - Epiphone PS 352 SR

Love the art - the challenge - the struggle

https://soundcloud.com/perry-mattingly-53964
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