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Don't Go
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Nov 30th, 2020 09:58 pm
   
1st Post
Touching-the-Surface
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Joined: Mon Nov 30th, 2020
Location: Essex, United Kingdom
Posts: 19
Favorite Artist: Garth Brooks-Florence + the Machine-Damien Rice-Norah Jones-Blake Shelton
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Don't Go.

You, you were the current, In an ocean of confusion I was lost.
You, you pulled me under,
You engulfed me in your arms and i was gone. We, we were the ocean, for a moment we were all we'd ever known.
Stormy clouds were bound to come, we knew this couldn't last. You'd left me stranded in the deep, your silence was so vast.

Please don't go. Please don't go. Please don't go.
I can't reach the surface on my own.

From, from underneath, the stormy ocean waves I can see.(that)You, you wouldn't save me,You didn't have the courage to set me free.
Stormy clouds were bound to come, I knew this couldn't last. You'd left me stranded in the deep your silence was so vast.

Please don't go. Please don't go. Please don't go.
I can't reach the surface on my own.

(and)I, I really loved you,I learnt the hard way that love you didn't do.
Please don't go. Please don't go. Please don't go.
I can't reach the surface on my own.



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Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments.
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 Posted: Mon Nov 30th, 2020 11:35 pm
   
2nd Post
BeatlesFan64
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Joined: Mon Nov 23rd, 2020
Location: Texas USA
Posts: 185
Favorite Artist: The Beatles, Everlys, SBJ, Herman’s Hermits, Searchers
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I love your words, you really set the scene well, and you use beautiful metaphors. The only thing I soul suggest is to try to make the structure a bit more cohesive. It took me a whole to work out the different sections of your song. That can cause a reader to become confused and struggle to grasp the concepts of your lyrics. But other than that, as I said, I liked your lyrics. They were very emotionally powerful



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Keeping the oldies alive! All comments and feedback welcome 🙂

https://soundcloud.com/billis-lopez/sets/best-of-tommy-l-day-the?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=1
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 Posted: Tue Dec 1st, 2020 12:29 am
   
3rd Post
Touching-the-Surface
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Joined: Mon Nov 30th, 2020
Location: Essex, United Kingdom
Posts: 19
Favorite Artist: Garth Brooks-Florence + the Machine-Damien Rice-Norah Jones-Blake Shelton
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
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BeatlesFan64 wrote:
I love your words, you really set the scene well, and you use beautiful metaphors. The only thing I soul suggest is to try to make the structure a bit more cohesive. It took me a whole to work out the different sections of your song. That can cause a reader to become confused and struggle to grasp the concepts of your lyrics. But other than that, as I said, I liked your lyrics. They were very emotionally powerful

Thankyou so much. I had an issue when I wrote the lyrics and posted them it bunched them up together. Not sure what I was doing wrong. Kept redoing it but it wasnt changing so had to keep them bunched like that... I'm new- I'll work it out :) :bigsmile:bigsmile



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Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments.
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 Posted: Tue Dec 1st, 2020 01:29 am
   
4th Post
RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6887
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
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I see you've got music for this now posted in the Music Database forum. So I'll close this thread.

Anyone wanting to leave comments please do so here:
http://www.thesongwritersforum.com/forum/view_topic.php?id=16797&forum_id=6



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