The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

A Girl Like You (incomplete song demo)
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Nov 24th, 2020 08:14 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
BeatlesFan64
Member


Joined: Mon Nov 23rd, 2020
Location: Texas USA
Posts: 159
Favorite Artist: The Beatles, Everlys, SBJ, Herman’s Hermits, Searchers
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I still need to add a couple more verses to this, and a bridge.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ls4o9f8nebaz6sp/A%20Girl%20Like%20You.m4a?dl=0

A Girl Like You

(Refrain)
Thoughts and dreams and things unseen
Flowing like an endless stream
That’s the only place where a girl like you
Could ever love a guy like me

(Verse 1)
Each time I see you passing by
I can’t help but get lost in your eyes
Why must I feel the way I

(Verse 2)
do, ‘Cos I know you’ll never look up and see
At his window, lonely as can be
The one who really loves you

(Refrain)
Thoughts and dreams and things unseen
Flowing like an endless stream
That’s the only place where a girl like you
Could ever love a guy like me



____________________
Keeping the oldies alive! All comments and feedback welcome 🙂

https://soundcloud.com/billis-lopez/sets/best-of-tommy-l-day-the?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=1
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Nov 29th, 2020 09:58 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6769
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like the chord sequences you are using here.
The refrain is particularly good.

I like the verses too, but there are a couple of spots that feel a bit squished like:
I can’t help but get lost in your eyes
do, ‘Cos I know you’ll never look up and see

I think they could be smoothed out, maybe:
I get lost within your eyes
do, I know you’ll never look up and see

Worth pursuing!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Nov 29th, 2020 10:49 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
BeatlesFan64
Member


Joined: Mon Nov 23rd, 2020
Location: Texas USA
Posts: 159
Favorite Artist: The Beatles, Everlys, SBJ, Herman’s Hermits, Searchers
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks RDM, I'm glad you liked it. I recorded this demo probably over a year and a half ago, and I never really got back to it. I was hoping I could possibly get some input here on how to proceed. I like you ideas for making the lines shorter, in retrospect, I was definitely squeezing every last inch and then some haha. I think I want to make at least one new verse, maybe two. And I'm still stumped as for bridge chords at the moment.



____________________
Keeping the oldies alive! All comments and feedback welcome 🙂

https://soundcloud.com/billis-lopez/sets/best-of-tommy-l-day-the?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=1
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Nov 30th, 2020 12:29 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Billy_Lunch_Money
Contributor


Joined: Fri Mar 2nd, 2018
Location: Leicester, United Kingdom
Posts: 288
Favorite Artist: Hendrix,Nirvana,Ozric Tentacles,Messa,Alice in Chains,Windhand,Khruangbin
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
That's nice. I can hardly wait for you to finish it!



____________________
I'm taking a little break from writing and posting lyrics. But it doesn't mean I'm taking a break from TSF, just strengthening my musical skills.

https://soundcloud.com/elijah-falls
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Dec 4th, 2020 04:31 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
JAPOV
Member


Joined: Mon Jul 17th, 2017
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 702
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Here's what I do when I'm stuck... I set lyrics / music completely aside and just write an explanation, like an in depth advertisement for the song. I would explain lines like "guy like me" and "dreams an things unseen". In just plain dialogue, set the stage for a potential listener in explicit detail. Tell the story. Generally, doing this helps me get all my thoughts in one place, and usually I'll be inspired just by thinking creatively :)



____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/JAPOV
Let's write something!!!! :)
Back To Top 


Current time is 10:03 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1433 seconds (10% database + 90% PHP). 27 queries executed.