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| Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2020 03:58 am |
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BRD
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| Location: | Arkansas USA |
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The following lyric seems wordy...and I suppose that's because it is. I have a tune for the chorus and the verses, so it works out...for the most part. A lot of times, two lines are really one line, but I broke it down where the natural breaks are in the rhythm and tune. In my own notebook, they are usually just one line. It's a complicated lyric, not so much in the words, but in the cadence and stuff. So, please dissect and share criticisms of where it needs work.
V1
I sat down on a barstool
in a worn out liquor dive in Corpus Christi.
Next to a man with tattooed sleeves,
sun beaten skin, his eyes were red and misty.
I watched him throw back whiskey shots that he always paid for one by one.
I thought that I’d give him some space,
extend to him some saving grace, uh-huh.
But he surprised me when he looked at me and said…
CHORUS
I’m a navigator.
I’ve sailed the high seas,
Everywhere from Okinawa down to New Orleans.
I can get you where you’re going.
I can tell you where you are
Just by looking at the heavens and reading the stars.
But now I’m adrift in this world.
Because I’ve lost my one and only girl.
But I’m a navigator.
V2
He told me how he met her
when he was a young sailor from Mississippi,
How they always found each other’s arms
when he would come to port in Biloxi.
There they’d spend the whole weekend just lying in bed and making love.
He recalled how they would kiss,
the feel and taste of her ruby lips, uh huh.
And he tossed back another shot before he said…
CHORUS
I’m a navigator.
I’ve sailed the high seas,
Everywhere from Okinawa down to New Orleans.
I can get you where you’re going.
I can tell you where you are
Just by looking at the heavens and reading the stars.
But now I’m adrift in this world.
Because I’ve lost my one and only girl.
But I’m a navigator.
V3
He told me about the time
that his ship sailed to port in ‘99.
He walked into their normal room in a motel that was called the Coastal Pines.
All he found was a note she wrote him just before she left out on the run.
She said that she had found a man, that wasn’t back and gone again, uh huh.
So he sighed, looked at his hands and said…
CHORUS
I’m a navigator.
I’ve sailed the high seas,
Everywhere from Okinawa down to New Orleans.
I can get you where you’re going.
I can tell you where you are
Just by looking at the heavens and reading the stars.
But now I’m adrift in this world.
Because I’ve lost my one and only girl.
But I’m a navigator.
BRIDGE
He said that when you love a woman stop looking for adventure on the seas.
Just hold her tight and kiss her neck and beg her for more tomorrows on your knees.
Beg her, please.
V4
He pulled out an old crumpled note that was written back in 1999.
Blue ink was smeared from the tears
shed in a hotel called the Coastal Pines.
As he read that note out loud to me you could see the tears inside him welling up.
This grizzled man, he read it through,
his heart battered black and blue, uh-huh.
He pulled himself together long enough to say...
CHORUS
I’m a navigator.
I’ve sailed the high seas,
Everywhere from Okinawa down to New Orleans.
I can get you where you’re going.
I can tell you where you are
Just by looking at the heavens and reading the stars.
But now I’m adrift in this world.
Because I’ve lost my one and only girl.
But I’m a navigator.
Copyright BRD © 2020Last edited on Sat Nov 21st, 2020 04:16 am by BRD
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| Posted: Thu Nov 19th, 2020 01:53 am |
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20th, 2020 04:11 pm |
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Andrea
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Good story. I can't wait to hear it.
____________________
Andrea
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20th, 2020 07:28 pm |
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20th, 2020 07:52 pm |
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BRD
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Thanks, folks. I would love to make a demo, but I haven't become proficient enough on the guitar to make a rough demo. My lyrics and tunes sort of just go off into the abyss somewhere, floating around in the ether.
And RDM, I agree with you on the switch. Thanks for the suggestion.
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20th, 2020 10:27 pm |
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Andrea
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BRD wrote:
Thanks, folks. I would love to make a demo, but I haven't become proficient enough on the guitar to make a rough demo. My lyrics and tunes sort of just go off into the abyss somewhere, floating around in the ether.
And RDM, I agree with you on the switch. Thanks for the suggestion.
When you are ready, I will be here to listen. Good luck 
____________________
Andrea
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| Posted: Sun Nov 22nd, 2020 03:09 am |
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cmaja
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Wow, BRD... This is long! Seven, eight minutes. Love all the stanzas. I can relate. Know about the navigator thing. I was one in the USAF, ‘73-‘90. Not too much on the drinking thing but been almost everywhere. Good rhymes and inner rhymes. Love to hear the song.
Charles
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All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25th, 2020 02:18 pm |
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derrickhand300
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I was waiting for what the note actually SAID when he pulled it out and read it- would be a good verse
I am not a songwriter though- just reading stuff here
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When You're A Hammer- The Whole Word Is A Nail
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