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| Posted: Sun Oct 11th, 2020 02:02 pm |
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1st Post |
M.P. Dudash
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We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy
Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
She knows I want her
In more ways than one
It seems like forever
Since we fell in love
Her kisses still linger
On lips that aren’t mine
Is that just by chance
Or more by design
We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy
Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
She’s a hot conversation
On a cold winters morn
She’s left this old heart
Both tattered and torn
If we don’t get to make love
Before we pass on
Please know you were both
My rose and it’s thorn
We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
So much more than happy
Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
We gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
Copyright © Michael P Dudash 2020
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Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11th, 2020 04:05 pm |
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2nd Post |
John_Sturgill
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I this this is excellent and your lines are about perfectly structured for a time frame of a bar.
Starting with the chorus? Think about this:
Verse 1
Chorus
Verse 2
Chorus
Bridge:
Write a contrasting 4 bar climb to the chorus
Chorus
Outro:
We gotta take chances
Before it's all gone
Hey, I know it's fitting into a mold, but if you write a bridge and move your verses and chorus into place. I think you'll see a diamond (not that it isn't one already.
P.S.
Let me know if you'd like it set to musicLast edited on Sun Oct 11th, 2020 04:09 pm by
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| Posted: Sun Oct 11th, 2020 06:54 pm |
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3rd Post |
M.P. Dudash
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John, thanks for the suggestions. This one I feel is better to start with the chorus. I could probably use a bridge. I will consider that. If you’d like to put some music to it feel free. I hear it as: You GOTTA take chances. A strong raspy emphasis on the word gotta in the opening. John, I have zero musical knowledge as far as bars etc.
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Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
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| Posted: Mon Oct 12th, 2020 07:06 pm |
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John_Sturgill
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I don't know why I'm not getting notifications. Sorry about the bar reference. I'm not all that musically either. It's the time of 4 beats. Your lyrics are perfect as one line per bar. So your bridge would be perfect at 4 lines.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26th, 2020 10:52 pm |
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5th Post |
Andrea
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Hi M.P., I like the simplicity in this. It has a nice feel and smooth flow. I feel that the chorus doesn't really fit the theme. He missed his opportunity, he wished he done things differently. The chorus work better, IMO, if it was more specific.
She knows I want her >>- I still want her
In more ways than one
It seems like forever
Since we fell in love >>- we were in love
Her kisses still linger
On lips that aren’t mine
Is that just by chance >>- was that by chance
Or more by design
We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy
Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
She’s a hot conversation
On a cold winters morn
She’s left this old heart
Both tattered and torn >>-I love this verse
If we don’t get to make love >>- this doesn't make sense, since she seems to be out of the picture by now
Before we pass on
Please know you were both
My rose and it’s thorn
We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
So much more than happy
Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
We gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone
Just my thoughts to use or lose.
____________________
Andrea
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29th, 2020 03:17 am |
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6th Post |
Motorist Sketchbook
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I like Andrea's comments on this.
And I think the relationship needs to be clarified.
It's not clear what the history is, or where they are at now.
Sketch
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29th, 2020 04:12 pm |
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7th Post |
M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Andrea and Sketch. Some good suggestions and some changes necessary. Thank you
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31st, 2020 12:06 am |
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8th Post |
Andrea
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John_Sturgill wrote:
I don't know why I'm not getting notifications. Sorry about the bar reference. I'm not all that musically either. It's the time of 4 beats. Your lyrics are perfect as one line per bar. So your bridge would be perfect at 4 lines.
John,
At the bottom of the page- you can hit the "watch topic" on the left. You will a notification anytime someone posts to that topic.
If the time comes that you no longer want to get notifications for a topic, you can simply unwatch it.
Hope this helps 
____________________
Andrea
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