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Just Be (Twilight At Lagoona)
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 11:21 pm
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JAPOV
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Comments/Crits/Collab Welcome :)

https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=14115884

slipping away, fading fast
about to lose my grasp
clinging to a yesterday
it's gone
a tender kiss, the ocean blue
the innocence of youth
unrelenting gravity
it's wrong

brevity, the expectation
the ardency, the realization
a life of learning far behind the curve
a sense of knowing, then exploding
un-controlling, so annoying
all the swimmers quit without a word

blue, saffron, and fuchsia
it's twilight at Laguna...

serenity, floating weightless
sink or swim, defeat is tasteless
the ocean doesn't care
I see
catch a wave, catch some rays
count the stars, count the days
love me if you're lucky
just be



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 Posted: Wed Sep 23rd, 2020 11:32 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Really interesting vibe! Very sophisticated.
The lyric feels like a soundscape to me - part of the music with the meaning downplayed.

I particularly like the melody at:
blue, saffron, and fuchsia

Enjoyed that!



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 Posted: Thu Sep 24th, 2020 05:47 am
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JAPOV
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Yea, in my head I hear a melodic female voice... but I don't write that way because I can't sing that way lol.

I think any bass line with a swing-beat sounds "sophisticated" :D



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 Posted: Thu Sep 24th, 2020 09:40 am
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Nothingless
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Very nice song and lyrics....
but a strange feeling...is this Japov??? What's wrong?

then I realized, there is no guitar at all!!:)

Congratulation to resist to the temptation and producing a tune without guitar...I guess I won't never be able

Maybe the chorus can benefit for a second chord-tonal change to add variety,
what about to begin the second part of the chorus with C major?

brevity, the expectation
the ardency, the realization
a life of learning far behind the curve
C
a sense of knowing,
C/B
then exploding
Bbmaj7b5
un-controlling,
Asus4
so annoying
F
all the swimmers
D7
quit without a
Am
word

then continues normally
Bmaj7......
blue, saffron, and fuchsia

I have a melody in my head for these new chords, if you like the idea I will record it a rough version

Last edited on Fri Sep 25th, 2020 07:16 pm by Nothingless



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 Posted: Thu Sep 24th, 2020 08:45 pm
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JAPOV
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Of course my friend, have fun with it! This is obviously just keyboard rhythm tracks so, I'd like to hear you do the full song! :)



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 Posted: Fri Sep 25th, 2020 07:25 pm
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Nothingless
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Here's half song...

I didn't mean to change the pitch of the verses, it was only too difficult to do exactly as you did, your version is very nice and you have nice accents and an interesting way to ride the tempo I don't advice you to change it, it's nice in your demo.


The purpose is to show the melody of the second part of the Chorus,
C
a sense of knowing,
C/B
then exploding
Bbmaj7b5
un-controlling,
Asus4
so annoying
F
all the swimmers
D7
quit without a
Am
word

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ELi54hQQ1JvvJBQvww_u1wzt8wf8b1Os/view?usp=sharing

Just an idea, you should adapt to your vocal range
You will notice some errors of pronunciation...I am italian, my friend!! I hope one day I'll be able to pronounce better :)



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 Posted: Fri Sep 25th, 2020 11:48 pm
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Andrea
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I really like this one JAPOV. There is something about it that just feels good. Wish I had a better voice. I would be all over it :)



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 Posted: Sat Sep 26th, 2020 12:28 am
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JAPOV
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Nothingless wrote:
Here's half song...

I didn't mean to change the pitch of the verses, it was only too difficult to do exactly as you did, your version is very nice and you have nice accents and an interesting way to ride the tempo I don't advice you to change it, it's nice in your demo.


The purpose is to show the melody of the second part of the Chorus,
C
a sense of knowing,
C/B
then exploding
Bbmaj7b5
un-controlling,
Asus4
so annoying
F
all the swimmers
D7
quit without a
Am
word

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ELi54hQQ1JvvJBQvww_u1wzt8wf8b1Os/view?usp=sharing

Just an idea, you should adapt to your vocal range
You will notice some errors of pronunciation...I am italian, my friend!! I hope one day I'll be able to pronounce better :)


Wow! That's phenomenal my friend! Great rhythm!
I wouldn't even know where to look for Bbmaj7b5 on guitar lol, but yes I get what you did there... Very nice! If I find a real singer I'll definitely play with that. Good ear! :)



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 Posted: Sat Sep 26th, 2020 12:34 am
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JAPOV
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Andrea wrote:
I really like this one JAPOV. There is something about it that just feels good. Wish I had a better voice. I would be all over it :)

Oh, come on... If I can do Frankie Valli you can sing this! :laugh



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 Posted: Sun Sep 27th, 2020 12:27 am
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Andrea
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JAPOV wrote:
Andrea wrote:
I really like this one JAPOV. There is something about it that just feels good. Wish I had a better voice. I would be all over it :)

Oh, come on... If I can do Frankie Valli you can sing this! :laugh


Well, you have me there. That was priceless! I could try, but I really do not think I am fit for this. I love to sing, but not sure others would love to listen :)





:?:?:?



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