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 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank  
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RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
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Hey,
Here is another oldie of mine. Reworked it today and would like to read some feedback on it. I dunno but atm I’m more active then creative but I know anything should have its time and place. So I guess I’ll soon have (new) fresh ideas and the time and space to write them down.
Hope you are all good!
RK

An idea of winter

Summer is now over A‘
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down
Soon I’ll have to let go
Leaves are changing slowly
Mist will hide their ashes
While strong winds will bend me

An idea of winter B
The dark will soon bury the light
An idea of winter
My urge for peace becomes profound
An idea of winter
The dark will soon bury the light
Virgin snow on frozen ground
I’ll rest inside myself
Without sorrows, without sound

Yellow, red and some brown. A+
Yes I gave all I could
Tried so hard to stand tall
To be strong, to be good
Shades are growing taller
Branches almost empty
Days becoming shorter
Last leaves are breaking free

My cycle is completed C
I’ll regain strength through the dark times
My cycle is completed
I’m growing taller, I’m getting old
My cycle is completed
I’ll regain my strength through the dark times
And the cold

Summer is now over A*
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down

© by Ian P.
20.11.12/reworked: 22.09.20
W by Ian P.
for: VB

RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6665
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
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I like 'an idea of winter' as a phrase and concept. Very evocative, whilst being intangible and abstract. And the metaphor of seasons within us as well as outside works well.

Your 'B' section gives a sense of stillness - a frozen landscape that is peaceful rather than desolate. A regenerative pause.
Is this a chorus that will repeat? I'd like to hear it again ahead of your 'C' section.

You might be able to make the seasonal imagery even more personal if you wanted to
Cold air is rising up > Cold wind is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down > Droplets trickling down
Leaves are changing slowly > Leaves are fading slowly

I like the feel and imagery of this one.

RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
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Thanx Owen!
I’ll have a closer look at your feedback asap.
At the moment life is really busy here and I’m running from one appointment to the other.....but I hope that I can get something out of it all, for my personal health.
RK

Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
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Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
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I like the concept of the seasons and changes it brings. I most liked the part about finding peace and strength during winter.

It feels more like a poem than lyrics to me. Some parts feel easy to sing, but I am missing the flow in other parts. Hearing it with music could possibly help.

RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
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Yep Andrea,
Maybe that‘s because I reworked it at my location atm. Beautiful landscape but stress inside, learning, growing....and so on.
But you know I think it might work as an experimental song that is not chained in cuffs of flow or strong kognitive borders. I do appreciate any feedback, of cause, but this is more like an experiment to me.
Sometimes the songs that don’t follow a straight path are the most interesting or most memorable.
Anyway like always I thank you very much for your feedback!
😉 RK


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