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| Posted: Mon Sep 21st, 2020 11:21 pm |
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1st Post |
RainbowKeeper
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| Joined: | Fri Feb 14th, 2020 |
| Location: | Germany |
| Posts: | 504 |
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Hey,
Here is another oldie of mine. Reworked it today and would like to read some feedback on it. I dunno but atm I’m more active then creative but I know anything should have its time and place. So I guess I’ll soon have (new) fresh ideas and the time and space to write them down.
Hope you are all good!
RK
An idea of winter
Summer is now over A‘
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down
Soon I’ll have to let go
Leaves are changing slowly
Mist will hide their ashes
While strong winds will bend me
An idea of winter B
The dark will soon bury the light
An idea of winter
My urge for peace becomes profound
An idea of winter
The dark will soon bury the light
Virgin snow on frozen ground
I’ll rest inside myself
Without sorrows, without sound
Yellow, red and some brown. A+
Yes I gave all I could
Tried so hard to stand tall
To be strong, to be good
Shades are growing taller
Branches almost empty
Days becoming shorter
Last leaves are breaking free
My cycle is completed C
I’ll regain strength through the dark times
My cycle is completed
I’m growing taller, I’m getting old
My cycle is completed
I’ll regain my strength through the dark times
And the cold
Summer is now over A*
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down
© by Ian P.
20.11.12/reworked: 22.09.20
W by Ian P.
for: VB
____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 01:53 am |
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2nd Post |
RainyDayMan
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| Joined: | Thu May 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | Stratford, Australia |
| Posts: | 6762 |
| Favorite Artist: | James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell | | I am a: | Songwriter/Musician |
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I like 'an idea of winter' as a phrase and concept. Very evocative, whilst being intangible and abstract. And the metaphor of seasons within us as well as outside works well.
Your 'B' section gives a sense of stillness - a frozen landscape that is peaceful rather than desolate. A regenerative pause.
Is this a chorus that will repeat? I'd like to hear it again ahead of your 'C' section.
You might be able to make the seasonal imagery even more personal if you wanted to
Cold air is rising up > Cold wind is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down > Droplets trickling down
Leaves are changing slowly > Leaves are fading slowly
I like the feel and imagery of this one.
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https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 07:34 am |
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3rd Post |
RainbowKeeper
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| Joined: | Fri Feb 14th, 2020 |
| Location: | Germany |
| Posts: | 504 |
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Thanx Owen!
I’ll have a closer look at your feedback asap.
At the moment life is really busy here and I’m running from one appointment to the other.....but I hope that I can get something out of it all, for my personal health.
RK
____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 03:15 pm |
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4th Post |
Andrea
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| Joined: | Tue Nov 27th, 2018 |
| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
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| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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I like the concept of the seasons and changes it brings. I most liked the part about finding peace and strength during winter.
It feels more like a poem than lyrics to me. Some parts feel easy to sing, but I am missing the flow in other parts. Hearing it with music could possibly help.
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Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 03:36 pm |
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5th Post |
RainbowKeeper
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| Location: | Germany |
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Yep Andrea,
Maybe that‘s because I reworked it at my location atm. Beautiful landscape but stress inside, learning, growing....and so on.
But you know I think it might work as an experimental song that is not chained in cuffs of flow or strong kognitive borders. I do appreciate any feedback, of cause, but this is more like an experiment to me.
Sometimes the songs that don’t follow a straight path are the most interesting or most memorable.
Anyway like always I thank you very much for your feedback!
😉 RK
____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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