The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

An idea of winter...
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Mon Sep 21st, 2020 10:21 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 458
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hey,
Here is another oldie of mine. Reworked it today and would like to read some feedback on it. I dunno but atm I’m more active then creative but I know anything should have its time and place. So I guess I’ll soon have (new) fresh ideas and the time and space to write them down.
Hope you are all good!
RK

An idea of winter

Summer is now over A‘
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down
Soon I’ll have to let go
Leaves are changing slowly
Mist will hide their ashes
While strong winds will bend me

An idea of winter B
The dark will soon bury the light
An idea of winter
My urge for peace becomes profound
An idea of winter
The dark will soon bury the light
Virgin snow on frozen ground
I’ll rest inside myself
Without sorrows, without sound

Yellow, red and some brown. A+
Yes I gave all I could
Tried so hard to stand tall
To be strong, to be good
Shades are growing taller
Branches almost empty
Days becoming shorter
Last leaves are breaking free

My cycle is completed C
I’ll regain strength through the dark times
My cycle is completed
I’m growing taller, I’m getting old
My cycle is completed
I’ll regain my strength through the dark times
And the cold

Summer is now over A*
The sun dried out my crown
Cold air is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down

© by Ian P.
20.11.12/reworked: 22.09.20
W by Ian P.
for: VB



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 12:53 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6579
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like 'an idea of winter' as a phrase and concept. Very evocative, whilst being intangible and abstract. And the metaphor of seasons within us as well as outside works well.

Your 'B' section gives a sense of stillness - a frozen landscape that is peaceful rather than desolate. A regenerative pause.
Is this a chorus that will repeat? I'd like to hear it again ahead of your 'C' section.

You might be able to make the seasonal imagery even more personal if you wanted to
Cold air is rising up > Cold wind is rising up
Fresh rain keeps falling down > Droplets trickling down
Leaves are changing slowly > Leaves are fading slowly

I like the feel and imagery of this one.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 06:34 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 458
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanx Owen!
I’ll have a closer look at your feedback asap.
At the moment life is really busy here and I’m running from one appointment to the other.....but I hope that I can get something out of it all, for my personal health.
RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 02:15 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1680
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I like the concept of the seasons and changes it brings. I most liked the part about finding peace and strength during winter.

It feels more like a poem than lyrics to me. Some parts feel easy to sing, but I am missing the flow in other parts. Hearing it with music could possibly help.



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Sep 22nd, 2020 02:36 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 458
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Yep Andrea,
Maybe that‘s because I reworked it at my location atm. Beautiful landscape but stress inside, learning, growing....and so on.
But you know I think it might work as an experimental song that is not chained in cuffs of flow or strong kognitive borders. I do appreciate any feedback, of cause, but this is more like an experiment to me.
Sometimes the songs that don’t follow a straight path are the most interesting or most memorable.
Anyway like always I thank you very much for your feedback!
😉 RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


Current time is 07:08 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.2048 seconds (32% database + 68% PHP). 27 queries executed.