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| Posted: Fri Sep 4th, 2020 08:18 pm |
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cmaja
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Georgia Peach
Verse 1:
I’m all set to do this class east of old St. Lou
But this sweet Georgia miss sits right by my side
All these facts I need to know but she throws my mind askew
For goodness sake, I can’t concentrate no matter how I try
So I ask to check her notes, “Please, could you help me through?”
She says, “Yes sir, I take care of you; I’m happy to oblige!”
And that set the stage for the week
Of this ole boy and the Georgia peach
Chorus:
Oh, Georgia peach as ripe as you can be
Oh, Georgia peach what do you see in me
Warm brown hair, hazel eyes, smile make me come alive
Southern drawl, words to please, makes me feel alright
Dressed in midnight blue, I see your image in my sleep
Wake with the sweet taste of fresh-picked Georgia peach
Verse 2:
Each day we shoot-the-breeze, do lunch and dinner too
Tuesday night we go dancing till the clock strikes ten
She’s so cute in blue jeans, flower blouse and her high heel shoes
Now she’s my good friend, so Wednesday night we paint the town again
On Thursday we drag our feet, our notes don’t help us through
She says, “We’re having fun, who cares if a rule or two is bent!”
But will friendship end with the week
For this ole boy and the Georgia peach
Chorus:
Oh, Georgia peach as ripe as you can be
Oh, Georgia peach what do you see in me
Warm brown hair, hazel eyes, smile make me come alive
Southern drawl, words to please, makes me feel alright
Dressed in midnight blue, I see your image in my sleep
Wake with the sweet taste of fresh-picked Georgia peach... Georgia peach
Bridge:
Can our bond turn to love or are you beyond my grasp
Will the miles keep us apart; is love too much to ask
And Friday’s coming fast
Chorus:
Oh, Georgia peach as ripe as you can be
Oh, Georgia peach what do you see in me
Warm brown hair, hazel eyes, smile make me come alive
Southern drawl, words to please, makes me feel alright
Dressed in midnight blue, I see your image in my sleep
Wake with the sweet taste of fresh-picked Georgia peach
Coda:
She packs her things in her car
Says, “Ya know we prob’bly went too far
I wish we could stay in touch
But with our lives it’d be too rough
One day I may be within your reach
But I’ll always be... your Georgia peach.”
© 2020 Charles M Anderson
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| Posted: Sat Sep 5th, 2020 12:31 am |
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RainyDayMan
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I like it Charles, especially the chorus, that's very smooth. And you've made her very attractive and appealing.
I think my fav line is in the bridge:
And Friday’s coming fast
And there are many lines I like, but there's just so much packed into that short phrase.
I'm not sure about the first verse and the "class" details. It's sort of too specific without being specific enough. We don't know what the class is or why he is there and the reference to "facts" and "notes" feels very detailed without really adding anything meaningful to the song. You need to get across 3 main things:
-We're in the south
-He's only here for a week
-They've only just met
So I'd be tempted to make it less detailed:
I met a girl in old St Lou,
Was there for a week...
sort of thing.
I like the coda, but it feels a little long.
You might be able to drop the middle 2 lines there, and it would still say everything it needs to.
All up it's a good write.
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| Posted: Sat Sep 5th, 2020 02:46 pm |
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Andrea
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Hi Charles,
I like the idea of the story. I am not the best to make suggestions on writing country though, but this feels very wordy.
The first verse was confusing. I agree with Owen that it doesn't help the story.
In V2: "On Thursday we drag our feet, our notes don’t help us through
She says, “We’re having fun, who cares if a rule or two is bent!”
The notes part is confusing. The bending the rules makes me think it went past friendship.
In the coda also: She packs her things in her car
Says, “Ya know we prob’bly went too far >- this also makes me think they went past being friends. I am getting mixed messages about the 'relationship'.
I like the bridge and the last part of the coda best.
Overall, I like that they are friends, he wishes for more, but it doesn't work out that way. It's a cute story.
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| Posted: Sat Sep 5th, 2020 04:08 pm |
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I like it Charles, especially the chorus, that's very smooth. And you've made her very attractive and appealing.
I think my fav line is in the bridge:
And Friday’s coming fast
And there are many lines I like, but there's just so much packed into that short phrase.
I'm not sure about the first verse and the "class" details. It's sort of too specific without being specific enough. We don't know what the class is or why he is there and the reference to "facts" and "notes" feels very detailed without really adding anything meaningful to the song. You need to get across 3 main things:
-We're in the south
-He's only here for a week
-They've only just met
So I'd be tempted to make it less detailed:
I met a girl in old St Lou,
Was there for a week...
sort of thing.
I like the coda, but it feels a little long.
You might be able to drop the middle 2 lines there, and it would still say everything it needs to.
All up it's a good write.
Thanks for you review and comments, Owen. I thought about different ways to introduce the circumstances of this lyric and decided to base it on fact. Who, when and exactly where and what the class was I’m felt would be too cumbersome. Notes were necessary as knowing the facts. It’s kinda like the song, Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. Yea, there’s mystery to it, but that’s okay.
I hear you about the coda but I’m gonna leave it for now.
I appreciate you going through it so thoroughly.
Charles
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| Posted: Mon Sep 7th, 2020 10:39 pm |
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Hi Charles,
I like the idea of the story. I am not the best to make suggestions on writing country though, but this feels very wordy.
The first verse was confusing. I agree with Owen that it doesn't help the story.
In V2: "On Thursday we drag our feet, our notes don’t help us through
She says, “We’re having fun, who cares if a rule or two is bent!”
The notes part is confusing. The bending the rules makes me think it went past friendship.
In the coda also: She packs her things in her car
Says, “Ya know we prob’bly went too far >- this also makes me think they went past being friends. I am getting mixed messages about the 'relationship'.
I like the bridge and the last part of the coda best.
Overall, I like that they are friends, he wishes for more, but it doesn't work out that way. It's a cute story.
Hi, Andrea... Thanks for you review and comments. The class and notes are necessary since that how the real story developed.
Bending the rules has to do with the requisites of the organization and the class.
In the end they both knew it wouldn’t work out, which they kinda knew all along.
There are some unknowns but that adds to the mystery. It could be totally platonic ya know...
Charles
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| Posted: Mon Sep 14th, 2020 01:40 am |
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John_Sturgill
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Some good writing here. Do you know how long is the planned play time?
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John Sturgill
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| Posted: Mon Sep 14th, 2020 08:50 pm |
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cmaja
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John_Sturgill wrote:
Some good writing here. Do you know how long is the planned play time?
Thanks, John, glad you like it. It’s probably about a four minute song.
Charles
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17th, 2020 04:21 pm |
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JAPOV
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I think that's the problem everyone is having Charles, It's a good story but a lot of words to squeeze into 4min...
Do you have an example of how this should sound? 
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17th, 2020 07:00 pm |
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cmaja
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Hi, JAPOV... Thanks for your suggestion. It doesn’t have too many words, it doesn’t have too few words, it has just the right amount of words. Does it really matter how long it takes to sing? Four minutes is just a guess. I written longer lyrics that took much less than four minutes to sing. I’ll let the composer, singer and producer work it out.
I have an idea of how it should sound, but that doesn’t mean much since I’m not a composer.
Charles
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17th, 2020 10:51 pm |
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JAPOV
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I'm not criticizing, I've written longer songs with less lyrics lol... I'm just saying it's harder to get a rhythmic feel for a lyric with lines this long. If we had some idea of how you're hearing this in your head then it would probably make a lot more sense, and the typical reader wouldn't suggest so many corrections
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17th, 2020 11:40 pm |
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cmaja
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JAPOV wrote:
I'm not criticizing, I've written longer songs with less lyrics lol... I'm just saying it's harder to get a rhythmic feel for a lyric with lines this long. If we had some idea of how you're hearing this in your head then it would probably make a lot more sense, and the typical reader wouldn't suggest so many corrections
I appreciate your reply, JAPOV... I’ve written lyrics where music was added that were much longer than this one and added lyrics to completed compositions that were longer also. When I write I get to a point where I’m able to sing it through, to where I know the rhythm of it. I can’t tell the reader what’s in my head. I know how it should sing and I can convey that to the composer. Also, the few corrections suggested are for content, not to clarify the rhythm. None of which I used.
Charles
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| Posted: Fri Sep 18th, 2020 12:12 am |
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JAPOV
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That's precisely my point. All you're getting is feedback regarding content. As a musician I'm always trying to hear inside a lyricist's head lol... especially if a well written lyric doesn't fit the usual format. Sometimes the music makes all the difference, that's why I haven't commented 
Good luck,
Anthony
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2020 07:41 am |
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cmaja
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Hey, Anthony... I kinda get what your saying. The way my mind works is: my left brain is firmly structured to all the requisites needed to turn words to lyrics. My right brain is totally free to bring to light what flourishes in my heart that make the lyrics sing. Bringing them together challenges me to create lyrics that can be easily put to music, hopefully. Sometimes I push the envelope to keep out of ruts. Most of the times the music in my head, I sing when I’m writing lyrics, is different that the music of the composer. But that’s to be expected.
Charles
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2020 04:59 pm |
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JAPOV
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Hmmm... So, so how exactly do you get your rhythm and melody across to a potential composer? I believe many lyricists would like to know
Please understand, if I wasn't interested I wouldn't ask...
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2020 05:52 pm |
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cmaja
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JAPOV wrote:
Hmmm... So, so how exactly do you get your rhythm and melody across to a potential composer? I believe many lyricists would like to know
Please understand, if I wasn't interested I wouldn't ask...
Okay... I’ll discuss with a composer briefly how I think it should sound, but not sing it whereas I don’t abrogate his/her creativity. Once the song is developed and I see needed improvements I’ll discuss it again and even sing it, as required. Collaboration! I don’t have that great a singing voice...
Charles
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2020 07:22 pm |
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JAPOV
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You see, that right there has always confused me lol! I guess I just take my guitar for granted because it has always been there... You see, I write with at least a rhythm in mind as well. I know that if I can tap my foot and "rap" it, then I can throw some chords at it and sing it. In fact, when you're sitting in a circle with other musicians noodling for lyrics, that's pretty much how a song gets started lol.
I hope you don't think I'm being argumentative or "picking on you" in any way, I'm really not! I just wish more lyricists would record themselves... IT'S JUST MUSIC
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| Posted: Sat Sep 19th, 2020 08:51 pm |
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cmaja
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JAPOV wrote:
You see, that right there has always confused me lol! I guess I just take my guitar for granted because it has always been there... You see, I write with at least a rhythm in mind as well. I know that if I can tap my foot and "rap" it, then I can throw some chords at it and sing it. In fact, when you're sitting in a circle with other musicians noodling for lyrics, that's pretty much how a song gets started lol.
I hope you don't think I'm being argumentative or "picking on you" in any way, I'm really not! I just wish more lyricists would record themselves... IT'S JUST MUSIC
Oh, Anthony... I love a good back and forth! It kinda like collaboration. Good lyricist are extremely precise. Which makes for interesting and memorable songs. If I could record myself, I wouldn’t need a composer.
Charles
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