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Love Is Like a Ferris Wheel
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 Posted: Wed Sep 2nd, 2020 02:20 pm
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MASempine
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IThanks to John and RDM for chorus comments. Here’s what I’ve come up with

Chorus Revised
Love is like a Ferris wheel
She wants to ride; will take a spin
But when she’s back down on the ground
She doesn’t want to ride again

Love’s the one you’re waiting for
Who seems unsure about the ride
But when you’re settled in your seat
She smiles and snuggles by your side

Intro:
There are some not-quite memories
That linger still- won’t fade away
So to that girl who broke my heart
To clear the air I’d like to say


V1
I want you to think of me
As some sweet interlude and yet
I hope you feel that we are friends
Amidst a twinge of mild regret

V2
I want you to think of her
As one who saw me differently
Not as the one you could have been
If you had really looked at me

V3
I want you to see each child
That I and she have lovingly
Prepared to face their own what ifs
And know they’re why we could not be

V4
Broken hearts are nudges to
The stronger loves our futures hold
They’re temporary stumbling blocks
We’ll understand when we’ve grown old

Old Chorus
Love is like a Ferris wheel
And every one goes round and round
Its not the ones who love the ride
But she who’s happy on the ground

Last edited on Thu Sep 3rd, 2020 09:48 pm by MASempine



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 Posted: Wed Sep 2nd, 2020 09:19 pm
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John_Sturgill
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Something to think about and easy to sing:

Love is like a Ferris Wheel
Everyone goes around
It's not the ones who love to ride
But she's happy on the ground.



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 Posted: Wed Sep 2nd, 2020 10:17 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Very nice MAS!
Gentle rhythm to it that you just fall into.
The intro works here. It's not something I ever use, but on this occasion it feels right.

It's wistful and sweet, without being soppy, and with a remembered heartache.

For your chorus:
But she who’s happy on the ground > But those who smile back on the ground

Good write! :)



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 Posted: Thu Sep 3rd, 2020 12:20 pm
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MASempine
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Thanks John.
Thanks RDM

Good ideas for chorus

May need to make children verse clearer trying to say the kids confirm that the right match was made



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 Posted: Thu Sep 3rd, 2020 09:51 pm
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MASempine
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Revised chorus. Now two sets of four lines each. See first post in this thread out



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 Posted: Thu Sep 3rd, 2020 10:04 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Yep, contrasting the two types in the new chorus works :)



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 Posted: Thu Sep 3rd, 2020 10:23 pm
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Andrea
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This is great MAS. The story is sweet and entertaining. It flows easy as I read it.

I am unsure who the "you' in the verses ("I want you to..."). In V1 I thought the 'you' was the old flame. But in V2 and V3 I am reading the 'you' as the listener - this seemed confusing. Maybe I am just missing something.

Overall a nice write :)



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 Posted: Fri Sep 4th, 2020 03:23 pm
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MASempine
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Thanks Andrea and RDM again



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 Posted: Fri Sep 4th, 2020 07:52 pm
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cmaja
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Hey, MAS... I like this a lot. Best I’ve read from you. Your format here is AAA with an intro —which is typical of late 1800s, early 1900s songs— and a coda —which you’re suggesting is a chorus. All the A stanzas are the same, like much of the poetry lyrics derived from back them. Nice!

Charles



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 Posted: Fri Sep 4th, 2020 08:26 pm
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MASempine
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Thanks Cmaja. Yeah it’s a little different meter for me. Chorus could be One Tin Soldier Rides Away. Verses different from that or drawn out. To match that. I just didn’t put chorus place holders between verses. I’ve yet to sing it all the way thru



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