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| Posted: Sun Aug 23rd, 2020 09:14 pm |
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1st Post |
MASempine
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I never met my daddy
Met a lot of Uncle Joes
Who showed up Sunday morning
With wrinkles in their clothes
It’s time to visit grandpa
He’s missing you real bad
My bags are packed I’d tell her
And tried to look real sad
Chorus:
Tell me again where the roses grow
Why I’m better off to have stumped my toe
Why the early worm never gets the word
To stay away from the early bird
Now grandpa loved his daughter
But he bought my daddy off
And he’d teach me life’s hard lessons
Throwing hay down from the loft
He’ll always ask me as I’d leave
If mom has found a man
I’d shake my head as I’d load my stuff
Into his helpers van
The helper tells me Grandpa blames
My dad for all that’s wrong
He’ll say that my grandpa is proud
That I turned out so strong
I ask him if he knew my dad
His answer sounds all wrong
“We’ve got two hundred miles to drive”
Let’s listen to this song
Repeat chorus
I would fall asleep as he sang along
And two hundred miles went fast
There would be a glove and a ball or two
From a store that we had passed
I’d ask “Did Grandpa pay for these”
He’d say “In a way he did
Did you know young man I used to play
When your daddy was a kid
Repeat chorus
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24th, 2020 01:25 am |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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I like this.
The term "Early Worm" in the title caught my eye.
There's a line in the chorus that reads,
"Why I’m better off to have stumped my toe"
Should that be "stubbed" my toe?
Or is that the way you say it?
- Sketch
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24th, 2020 02:24 pm |
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MASempine
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We say stumped. Not sure why
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25th, 2020 03:29 am |
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John_Sturgill
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Very nice. I especially liked the chorus.
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25th, 2020 03:37 am |
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MASempine
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Thanks John. Thanks also to MS
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 12:05 am |
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Andrea
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Ok, I need to know. Is the helper the dad? I sure hope so 
Been reading this over and over trying to understand the last parts. I hope I am right
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 01:26 am |
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MASempine
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Andrea: I believe the helper is the dad who under pressure agreed to give up his son. I can’t guarantee I’ve got every angle covered
Thanks for spending time reviewingLast edited on Wed Aug 26th, 2020 01:28 am by MASempine
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 06:12 am |
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RainyDayMan
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I like the story, and the implication that the helper is the father. It has a feel good factor. Not sure the Grandpa would want him there as a 'helper' if he had previously paid him off, but best to ignore such things - it works for the song.
The chorus bothers me. It's a got a vibe of simple things and homespun wisdom, but it doesn't feel relevant to the story. If the early bird and the rose is a metaphor for the situation then I don't get it. There's some link with 'life’s hard lessons' but I feel like it would be stronger if it spelled one of those out that was relevant to the boy.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 01:13 pm |
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MASempine
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The best I can do is the oblique reference to a song that the helper/dad sings on the way home. The boy “needs” that song or at least his ‘dad’ singing it while he sleeps on the drive home.
Hey, if someone wants to perform it, I’ll rework it to their satisfaction but right now the chorus drives for me.
Thanks for your thoughts. As always they are on the money and meaningful
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 01:53 pm |
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MASempine
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As for the helper there are plausible reasons he’d still be around. Just a fling. Not good enough in grandpas mind. The buy off being in the form of a pay raise and a better job and being able to be around his son. Could be other issues but I’d need a long epic poem-song to get into that.
Bottom line: the helper (as seen by the boy) is likely the general foreman on the farm
I may do some tweaking in the story line to link the chorus better. Words going through boys head at home. Subconscious link to his dad rather than his grandpa
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 09:29 pm |
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Andrea
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I had the same thought - questioning why the father would be kept as a helper. But, I like the story too much to worry about that.
The chorus is a nice write, but I agree I can't find the connection to the verses.
This is definitely one to keep working on!
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Andrea
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| Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 11:56 pm |
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MASempine
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I’ll work on both issues. Get up early and avoid the birds 🤓
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