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While I was alive
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Aug 21st, 2020 09:15 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Well I don’t know to what time I wanted to get myself back to when I wrote this, but it seems as if I was longing for some happy news and for a place to hide and lick my scars....
It’s not the best I’ve done but I remember the feeling I had watching the moon and open up my heart and soul. I still do that sometimes.
Like always feedback and comments are welcome.
RK

While I was alive

I’m watching the bright moonlight A‘
Shining mildly, crystal clear
Wanna ride on a moonbeam
Back to the times without fear
When I was so full of faith
Sorrows seemed to just pass by
Moved by the warm Summerwind
Like clouds high up in the sky

In those days I was so free. A+
Butterfly with coloured wings
Without any doubts and strain
Focused on the happy things
No tears and no bitterness
Everything seemed just in place
Peace at mind it felt so good
Like the moonlight on my face

While I was alive. B
All my wishes seemed to thrive
While I was alive
A time of joy seemed to arrive
While I was alive
All my dreams seemed to thrive
Before the shadows came to live
I wanted more than only survive

Cling, clung, clung. C
But there was nothing to hold on to
Fall, fell, fallen
Now I’m down on my knees
Cling, clung, clung
But there was nothing to hold on to
Sing, sang, sung
This song
And I hope that I may find inner peace

While I was alive. B
All my wishes seemed to thrive
While I was alive
A time of joy seemed to arrive
While I was alive
All my dreams seemed to thrive
Before the shadows came to live
I wanted more than only survive
(Fade out over B)

© by Ian P.
2010/ reworked 21.08.2029
W by Ian P.
for: VB



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 Posted: Fri Aug 28th, 2020 11:44 pm
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RainyDayMan
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It does feel like a desire to escape and be safe is the vibe in this one, so you've captured that.

Not sure whether the "Cling, clung, clung" etc will work or not. Would have to hear the music there.



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 Posted: Fri Aug 28th, 2020 11:56 pm
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Andrea
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You have written some nice verses. I really like the first 2.
I get that this person is remembering happy times. Before 'something' bad happened.
I am not crazy on the C part. I would reconsider writing something that tells more about what actually happened.



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 Posted: Sat Aug 29th, 2020 10:28 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Thanx for your feedback Andrea! 😉



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 Posted: Sat Aug 29th, 2020 11:06 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Thank you too owen.
Sorry didn’t mean to forget you, just not that easy to keep up with the posts for me atm!



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 Posted: Sat Aug 29th, 2020 11:09 pm
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RainyDayMan
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No worries Ian! :)



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