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Sky
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Tue Aug 18th, 2020 04:46 pm
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cmaja
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Attempted to write this a few months ago, gathered some rhymes and word associations, but couldn’t get the ball rolling. A few days ago I read, Dirt by Florida Georgia Line and used it as an guide for writing Sky. CMA

Sky

Verse 1:
The times you look up and ask why
When plans fall through —you curse the sky
Its deep blue hue ‘gainst red rock shapes
When it rains down for eight days straight
Those clear black nights of a billion stars
When fog rolls in, can’t see where you are
That long sunny streak throughout July
When clouds stay dark in Winter’s sleep
Till you break down and cry

Chorus:
That forever sky
Smiling faces in the clouds
Make you feel downright high
Could you hear sacred sounds
And sense the Lord is nigh
In that bright blue sky
Clouds roll in, rain pours down
A silver lining brings a sigh
Too much rain, crops could drown
You pray God it won’t go awry
With your hands held up to the sky
Thunder roars, clouds turn black
Lightning strikes, things take flight
Nature’s way of taking back
But trust in God it’s alright
With a touch He can calm the sky
You both dance beneath the stars
You vow your love till you die
As Venus aligns with Mars
You pray love is certified
Before His grace
Below His loving sky

Verse 2:
Orange, red, yellow, violet-blue
Different dyes, those rainbow hues
Bright sun rays shining through the clouds
Whistling wind musters up strange sounds
Power and repose that mystify
Dreams and dread you experience
Are mirrored in the sky

Chorus:
That forever sky
Smiling faces in the clouds
Make you feel downright high
Could you hear sacred sounds
And sense the Lord is nigh
In that bright blue sky
Clouds roll in, rain pours down
A silver lining brings a sigh
Too much rain, crops could drown
You pray God it won’t go awry
With your hands held up to the sky
Thunder roars, clouds turn black
Lightning strikes, things take flight
Nature’s way of taking back
But trust in God it’s alright
With a touch He can calm the sky
You both dance beneath the stars
You vow your love till you die
As Venus aligns with Mars
You pray love is certified
Before His grace
Below His loving sky

(Instrumental break)

Post chorus:
You both dance beneath the stars
You vow your love till you die
As Venus aligns with Mars
You pray love is certified
Before His grace
Below His loving sky... sky

© 2020 Charles M Anderson



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 Posted: Wed Aug 19th, 2020 03:16 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like it overall Charles. Some lovely vivid images.

It caught me by surprise when these lines came up:
You both dance beneath the stars
You vow your love till you die...

It feels like a long way in before we get to a relationship and it struck me as coming out of nowhere. I'm not sure it needs it, I think it would hold up as well without the romance aspect. But given it's in the chorus, and you end on this element, I'm guessing you have a different view!!

It's unusual to see such a long chorus, but why not? Makes it stand out from the rest.



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 Posted: Wed Aug 19th, 2020 06:59 am
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I like it overall Charles. Some lovely vivid images.

It caught me by surprise when these lines came up:
You both dance beneath the stars
You vow your love till you die...

It feels like a long way in before we get to a relationship and it struck me as coming out of nowhere. I'm not sure it needs it, I think it would hold up as well without the romance aspect. But given it's in the chorus, and you end on this element, I'm guessing you have a different view!!

It's unusual to see such a long chorus, but why not? Makes it stand out from the rest.


Thanks, RD Man for your review and comments. It’s simple about people’s relationships with the sky and God. Polishing it off with a love, I felt, was positive and romantically appropriate country song approach.

The length of the chorus was about the same as in “Dirt” and FG Line sang it three times for a total time of 3:49. So “Sky” should work.

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Aug 19th, 2020 05:44 pm
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MASempine
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An awful lot of really good.

I think Venus/Mars is not “simple”. I’d put stars line there and “trucks and cars” or such line where stars is now. Already got your broom ready I bet



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 Posted: Thu Aug 20th, 2020 05:32 am
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cmaja
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Hi, MAS... Appreciate your review. Glad you think it’s mostly really good!

Well I’ll probably need a broom, if we keep getting all these lightning strikes without rain, to sweep up the ashes. And I’ll probably just leave it as is. Venus and Mars are good heavenly female and male symbols. Makes sense to me...

Thanks for checking it out.

Charles



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