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Lyin’ Eyes Lyin’ Hearts
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 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 02:15 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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She tells me, she loves me, but I know
Her eyes can’t keep a secret and it shows
If she could, I know, she’d let me go
Cause only resentment grows

Lyin’ eyes
Lyin’ hearts
We’ve both given up
But we still play the part
If not for the fear, of a new start
We’d do what’s right
Lyin’ eyes
Lyin’ hearts

Who’ll make the first move
What’s holding us back
This is long overdue
We’ve traded comfort for facts

We’ve wasted more time
Than we may have left
Livin’ aint lovin’ if it’s done so in jest

Lyin’ eyes
Lyin’ hearts
We’ve both given up
But we still play the part
If not for the fear, of a new start
We’d do what’s right
Lyin’ eyes
Lyin’ hearts

Why are we holding tight
To lyin’ eyes and lyin’ hearts

Copyright © Michael P Dudash 7/31/20



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 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 08:51 pm
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MASempine
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Sing ability: 9
Hook 7
Rhyme and reason 9
Overall impression: scattered in spots
Example: done in jest doesn’t fit. No humor. No jester

With some good music it will be just fine



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 Posted: Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 03:34 am
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RainyDayMan
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Love the chorus, that should sound great.
If you wanted to, you could switch the last two lines to be:
Lyin’ hearts
Lyin’ eyes
(with a near rhyme between 'right' and 'eyes')
but it's fine the way it is.
And the same for the coda.

The other parts:
She tells me, she loves me...
Who’ll make the first move...
We’ve wasted more time...

look like they each have a different structure, so I am assuming they will have different music there too.

I like these lines too:
We’ve traded comfort for facts
Livin’ aint lovin’ if it’s done so in jest


Options:
Cause only resentment grows > Cause nothing but resentment grows
This is long overdue > Too long overdue



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 Posted: Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 01:54 pm
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Tekboy
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I think any lyrical changes need to be done in conjunction with the music and the rhythm of the song.

Allow me to explain:

One of the things I always keep in mind is the "syllable count". Sometimes, a musical lick can be one of the syllables. In my experience, as a rhythm guitar player in many bands, WHERE the beat happens is as important as the lyrics. So on the whole, I give this a 9.5 out of 10. And Owen's suggestion is valid, once again, keeping the timing and the syllable content in mind. :)

Last edited on Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 01:55 pm by Tekboy



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 Posted: Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 05:55 pm
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MASempine
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Good info TekBoy.

I remember a songwriter complaining that Roger Miller had criticized her lyrics. She pointed out that he had written Do Wakka Do. But Roger did have the syllables right on that song. Other times not so much but he was playing and singing so he could sneak “if you’ve a mind to” in a 3 syllable slot



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