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This Here Chainsaw Just Won't Cut It
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Jul 31st, 2020 11:55 pm
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MASempine
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I borrowed the punch line from Jerry Clowers but the verses and chorus are mine

This Here Chain Saw Just Won’t Cut It

He looked so defeated
And pale as a sheet
Just covered with sawdust
From head down to feet
“Here take it” he hollered
And slung it my way
As I dodged the chain saw
I heard his wife say

Chorus:
“This Father’s Day present
“Don’t meet all your claims
“And Earl never cusses
“But he’s called it names”
“Your ad said this chain saw
“Was not work but play”
“Two cords of wood easy
“He’d cut in a day”

“He got up at sun up
“And stopped for a bite
“And just drank two sodas
“So something ain’t right”
Well Earl who was nodding
Spoke up and implored
“I doubt today’s wood pile
“Would measure a cord.”

Repeat Chorus

His wife turned to face me
And firmly explained
“My Earl don’t deserve this
“He’s never complained”
“But that saw won’t cut it
“So ‘less you’re a cheat
“You’ll give us our money”
She flashed her receipt.

Repeat Chorus

I said “That’s no problem.
“I’m sure sorry ma’am
“That you folks had trouble
“Yes truly I am”
I opened the gas cap
And peered in the tank
No gas--it was empty
Earl’s face—just a blank

Repeat Chorus

I poured in some liquid
The saw roared to life
And old Earl looked like he’d
Been stabbed with a knife
His wife too was speechless
But Earl’s little boy’s
First words were just priceless
“Hey what is that noise”

Last edited on Fri Jul 31st, 2020 11:57 pm by MASempine



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 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 03:09 am
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RainyDayMan
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Nice! Made me smile.
Earl must be some guy if he can cut ANY wood with a chain saw that ain't going!

As a minor thing maybe:
But he’s called it names > “But he’s calling it names”



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 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 02:29 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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This one is different but I like it, it’s cool! I don’t see anything that sticks out as an issue.



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 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 03:08 pm
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MASempine
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Thanks guys. RMD. Mike
I can use RMDs suggestion



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 Posted: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020 01:16 am
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Andrea
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What a great story. It is well written and quite funny. The no gas part was the best! Just one possible idea:

“You’ll give us our money” >>- You'll give back our money



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 Posted: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020 01:54 am
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MASempine
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Good suggestion Andrea



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 Posted: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020 03:07 pm
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ShrimpTastic
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I love lyrics that tell a good story. What a fun song.

Good minor edit suggestions too. It's a fine line... sometimes you want to be a little grammatically awkward, other times no.



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 Posted: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020 09:45 pm
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MASempine
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Thanks shrimp tastic
Good point about grammatical correctness
I’m a Tennessee redneck who went to college but I drift back into slang when I can get away with it. You can’t take the country out of the boy



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