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MARY HAD A LETHAL LAUGH by M Otis Beard (of Mot Juste)
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Jul 31st, 2020 11:36 pm
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motis
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Joined: Sat Jul 25th, 2020
Location: Daytona Beach, Florida USA
Posts: 28
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LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE:
https://motisbeard.bandcamp.com/track/mary-had-a-lethal-laugh

===================================

PLEASE don't be afraid to give constructive criticism; I'm not a baby and don't require coddling.

NOTE: This is a compositional demo, not meant for distribution. I don't mind at all if you point out shortcomings in the recording/engineering quality, but it probably won't be relevant.

I usually post songs written and performed with my bandmate under the name MOT JUSTE; this song is all me.

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MARY HAD A LETHAL LAUGH
© 2020 by M Otis Beard

She was a mean
elementary school queen
she ruled with a fist of iron

She called me a square
She laughed at my hair
My ma cut it in the backyard

I'll never forget the way she pointed
and laughed at my head
I wished I was dead

She said
"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!"

When school would let out
I'd do my paper route
My bicycle flew like an arrow

but she'd always be there
it just wasn't fair
she had all her friends around her

They'd chase me and throw things at me
as I pedaled by
I wished I could die
when she said

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!"

She hurts me the most
that elementary school ghost
Each and every time I falter

she's there in my mind
with her laughter unkind
leading me like a lamb to the slaughter

I just can't forget the way she mocked me
and laughed at my pain
Her cruel refrain
it went

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Last edited on Fri Jul 31st, 2020 11:37 pm by motis



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 Posted: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020 03:10 am
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RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
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Well this one is unforgettable! What a laugh! Neat idea!

Beyond that, I like the timing / phrasing of the lyric.
The FX on the guitar seem to suit it too.

You've done well to avoid this seeming too cringey/needy.
Instead the singer seems to be ok, and not need pity - and I put that down to the vocal delivery

Enjoyed that a lot. :)



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 Posted: Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 11:16 am
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ChrisPrice
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I was just starting to think it sounded a bit like John Lennon, but then the chorus kicked in! It could do with a bass line, but I really like this. She did indeed have a lethal laugh!! Excellent :)

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 Posted: Mon Aug 3rd, 2020 10:49 pm
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Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
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I read the lyrics first, and was trying hard to imagine how the
"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha
ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!"

would sound. Well, I had a listen and thought it was just great. Funny and clever. You have some cool ideas :)



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