The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

What You Do to My Heart
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 04:24 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I have a chorus that is different but a little clunky:
Series of choruses really. 3rd and 4th lines change each time with a different “art” word. “I’m now state of the art”

Trial chorus:
What you do to my heart
What you do to my heart
Like an engine stuck in second
You sure give me a start

When you come in a room
You give me a lift
From the very first time
Til the hundred and fifth

When you answer the phone
You give me a thrill
I hear love in your voice
I know it is real

The times that we’ve shared
Are so special to me
The children we raised
What they turned out to be

From the time we first kissed
As we stood on the porch
Through these forty-eight years
I have carried this torch

Chorus:
Though some things sure have changed
We’ve not drifted apart
And one thing’s still the same
What you do to my heart



Repeat Chorus
Though some things sure have changed
We’ve not drifted apart
And one thing’s still the same
What you do to my heart

Last edited on Sat Aug 1st, 2020 03:25 pm by MASempine



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 07:10 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1284
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
MASempine, it’s simple, to the point, and says what it needs to say. The makings of a good country song. My favorite lines are v1 lines 3and 4. Great opening in a way I’ve not heard done before. You’ve carried that flame longer than I’ve been alive, congratulations!



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 12:55 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Probably ought to be a a larger number. 48 x 365 but poetic license right?



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 03:36 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1664
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Simple and beautifully sweet. I really like it a lot.

And one thing’s still the same
What you do to my heart - love this line :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 05:09 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
😊



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Jul 31st, 2020 07:23 am
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6559
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Lovely sentiments, and I like the way they unfold from the present to a celebration of the whole relationship. Nicely done!

It all flows very naturally. Structure looks sound.

If I'm being picky you might try:
You give me a lift > You give my heart a lift
just a touch more romantic, if it fits the meter.

Good job!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Jul 31st, 2020 01:06 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanks RDM. I’ll think about the change



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Aug 1st, 2020 08:42 am
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1009
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hey, MAS... This is sweet and touching. The chorus has the same structure and rhyming pattern as the verses, so what you have here is an AAA lyric with a repeat of the last stanza. FYI

The only suggestion I have is: stanza 2, last line could use a little more kick, try: It feels almost surreal.

Very good though.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Aug 14th, 2020 01:46 am
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
jdtaper
Member
 

Joined: Sun Dec 25th, 2016
Location: Milwaukee, USA
Posts: 343
Favorite Artist: Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Garth Brooks
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I can imagine so many different Country stars singing this and turning it into a hit on the radio! Way to go! 👍



____________________
My music is 50% Country, 50% Pop/Rock (25% Rock and 25% Pop).
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Aug 14th, 2020 03:44 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thank you jd. Should have thanked Charles earlier.

Needed this pick-me-up.



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top


Current time is 09:34 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1769 seconds (15% database + 85% PHP). 27 queries executed.