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GwaRHK by MOT JUSTE
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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 06:28 am
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motis
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LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE:
https://motisbeard.bandcamp.com/track/gwarhk-demo1

===================================

My bandmate Justin Tyler Reed and I operate under the name MOT JUSTE; we are currently amassing and refining demos, so that we can get into a studio and record them properly. Here's one of our songs; I hope you enjoy it, and look forward to hearing what you think of it. . . PLEASE don't be afraid to give constructive criticism; I'm not a baby and don't require coddling.

NOTE: This is a compositional demo, not meant for distribution. I don't mind at all if you point out shortcomings in the recording/engineering quality, but it probably won't be relevant.

Justin and I both contribute to all aspects of all our songs, but it varies from song to song, so we have decided to just share credit for everything under our band name, for simplicity's sake. . . otherwise the liner notes would be a Dostoyevsky novel!

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GwaRHK
© 2020 by Mot Juste (Beard/Reed)

I'm not so glad I found you this way
but I'm not surprised at all
You always were a mess after the Fall
In a strange bed
Drunk and half dead

"Come and get me, hurry" you said
"I'm about to fall"
I came a million times when you would call
In the cold grey
I take the freeway

You've got a wounded heart now
and I'm not surprised to see
it doesn't beat a single beat for me
So close but somehow
far away now

You haven't got a worry left
You've got no debt to pay
Another guy has taken you away
Crouched above you
Did he love you?



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 07:00 pm
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Nothingless
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Thanks to share your song.

I loved the lyrics and the melody good job!
4 verses....no chorus, no bridge....well you can write a song like that, I do also the same.
But in my opinion the song is boring. After the first and the Third verse I would avoid a long musical part.


It is good a musical part as intro, after the second verse and at the end of the song, but not more. And the ones there are now are quite monotonous. I would vary the chords and melody of the musical bridges in order to add musical interest there.
Tensions missing here!



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 07:10 pm
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motis
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Thanks for the feedback! I think you've got a valid point there.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 08:19 pm
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ASecretMeaning
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I like the general sound of this Motis, I like the melodic guitar and vocal harmonies on the last couple of lines of each verse as are nice.

It has a very chilled feel to it, and I think this along with the way the song is structured - i.e. no chorus - makes it a little bit unengaging but in a good way. If I heard this on the radio I would enjoy it and not turn it off, but I probably wouldn't request it.

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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 08:24 pm
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motis
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Thanks

Last edited on Sun Jul 26th, 2020 08:28 pm by motis



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 08:25 pm
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motis
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ASecretMeaning wrote: It has a very chilled feel to it

I will likely take the advice I'm getting here, and my bandie and I will probably vary the instrumental part between verses and add a more guitar-heavy break. . . but I can't see making it less chilly, only darker, because it's about a girl I knew who was brutally raped and murdered years ago. The emotional content for me makes it difficult to make any really casual changes, and impossible to try to make it sound lighter or happier.

Last edited on Sun Jul 26th, 2020 08:27 pm by motis



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 10:21 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Motis, Here is my personal and honest feedback. I think you have a decent story here, but it needs a chorus. It needs a hook line.

"Come and get me, hurry" you said
"I'm about to fall"
I came a million times when you would call (double antrandrum?)
In the cold grey
I take the freeway

I think this could be a chorus, with some adjustments. Not going to overstep, but I have ideas if you want them.

The music is kind of slow. I could see this like Fun if done right.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 03:19 am
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RainyDayMan
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If you are going for "chilly" then I think the music is off-target. I like the vibe, but I'd call it laid back rather than dark. I found it easy to drift along to, but it didn't strongly engage me.

Your title "GwaRKH" is impenetrable to me. Seems like it might be something very specific to you. That's fine, but it's an opportunity lost to communicate something to your listeners.

I agree with Andrea about the need for a hook. At the end of the song no particular line or phrase stayed with me.

I feel like you are going for something emotional here, but I'm not empathizing with the characters. At the end of the song I don't really understand these people, nor sympathize.

All of that sounds very negative, but I certainly enjoyed the sound of it. I just didn't connect with the story.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 03:38 am
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motis
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RainyDayMan wrote:
If you are going for "chilly" then I think the music is off-target. I like the vibe, but I'd call it laid back rather than dark. I found it easy to drift along to, but it didn't strongly engage me.

No, I'm going for dreamy and slightly melancholy, not chilly, and while the song is actually very, very dark I am trying to obscure most of the darkness. . . but ASecretMeaning said something about it being 'chilly' and I was responding to that.

Your title "GwaRHK" is impenetrable to me. Seems like it might be something very specific to you. That's fine, but it's an opportunity lost to communicate something to your listeners.

As I noted earlier, the song is about a girl I liked who was brutally raped and murdered many years ago. Turning my feelings about that into a song are as much therapy for me as anything else. The song will be going on the upcoming MOT JUSTE album, but I don't intend to make it known what the title means. . . but since you're wondering, 'GwaRKH' stands for "Gutted with a Rusty Hunting Knife." The narrator in this song is singing to a mutilated corpse.

Last edited on Mon Jul 27th, 2020 05:03 am by motis



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 04:29 am
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RainyDayMan
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Wow! Dark indeed.
One for the fans to decrypt.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 10:38 am
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ChrisPrice
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I really like this. Some great guitar playing and a fine recording. The vocal is strong and particularly like the lyrics. They come over as being very personal, whatever they are very interesting. This is a quality piece, it has real class. :)

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 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 06:20 pm
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JAPOV
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Odd... but I like Odd! :)



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