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| Posted: Sat Jul 25th, 2020 06:30 pm |
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1st Post |
LongShadows
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More folk than country, really. I often forget to include Joni Mitchell as one of my influences.
I'm thinking chorus will be lighter if it's more upbeat and changes to a major key, trust me, by the time it gets there, you're ready for a peppy chorus.
Italics indicate the pre-chorus, where it slows a bit and there's lots of room for scrunchin' and stretchin' vocally.
Plain Folk
1.
Rosie sighs and recalls a lover
she once knew a life ago
She might have married him that summer
were it not for the coming snow
He had no patience for the prairie
and knew he wouldn't last for long
But she preferred the ordinary
and chose to stay where she belongs
The day she drove him to the depot
on her father's old John Deere
She smiled as she watched him go
then cried a solid year
(ch)
Plain Folk
belong to the plane
Where love can grow and the seasons change
Where reaping that
which ye have sown
Can build a hale and hardy home
2.
Doyle was a fine companion
who loved her warmly in his way
He built a strong house near the canyon
with room to let the children play
Gave her lovely debutante daughters
and sons as tall as summer corn
He made a stern, but doting father
who kept his heart and household warm
When his children were grown, sturdy and bright
Off raising families of their own
He gently passed in his sleep one night
and left his lovely Rose alone
Chorus
3.
Today she planted Easter lilies
she won't see 'til spring arrives
Have to put the bulbs in early
if you want them to survive
It's the same plan every season
Preparations for the next
That's what gives her valid reason
to rise every day and live her best
In April, when the lilies bloom
she will lay some on his stone
And knowing she will join him soon
feel a little less alone.
Chorus
Gregg BarrettLast edited on Sat Jul 25th, 2020 06:39 pm by LongShadows
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| Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 10:11 am |
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RainyDayMan
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Very traditional song. I like it.
But she preferred the ordinary
and chose to stay where she belongs
I like those lines. Romance not outweighing common sense. Unusual to see it, so not an ordinary lyric.
belong to the plane
Should that be plain? Or are you deliberately invoking geometry?
Gave her lovely debutante daughters
and sons as tall as summer corn
More lovely lines, and again that very traditional feel.
to rise every day
perhaps: to rise each day?
A gentle sadness mixed with homespun contentment.
Good stuff.
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| Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 04:39 pm |
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LongShadows
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RainyDayMan wrote:
belong to the plane
Should that be plain? Or are you deliberately invoking geometry?
Actually, I was trying differentiate between plain as in ordinary, unadorned, etc. (a compliment, by the way) from that flat level surface upon which they may dwell.
Call it 'fun with homonyms'. Plane/plain are not technically interchangeable, but they are synonyms when describing physical space, and share common origins in their etymology.
The only place it makes any difference is in the written form, it's unlikely that a listener would notice unless they were reading along.
I had a similar circumstance when I wrote the line, "sit here silent as a stone where laughter's not allowed (aloud)".
Re: each vs. every day, I almost never say 'each day', but I say 'every day' almost every d... well, you get it, I elected to sacrifice cadence for the colloquial,
like I said, there's plenty of room for vocal acrobatics. I can always say "T'rise every day"
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| Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 10:10 am |
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Seamus2
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This is very well written, I enjoyed the story.
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| Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 11:39 am |
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Tekboy
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Definitely a cut above. This would have been VERY marketable in the 1990s. I am unsure if it is marketable as a single these days, but it sure is very well written, in my book.
Nice work.
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| Posted: Wed Jul 29th, 2020 01:33 pm |
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M.P. Dudash
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Paints a very nice picture and the rhyming is very nice. I like it!
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| Posted: Wed Jul 29th, 2020 06:20 pm |
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MASempine
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Critique removed. Not appreciated I assume Last edited on Sun Aug 9th, 2020 01:31 am by MASempine
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| Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 07:18 pm |
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LongShadows
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Tanks, Dash!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 10th, 2020 09:29 pm |
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Andrea
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I like this story. It has that feeling of time that is hard to do. My favorite part is the chorus! This line too made me smile; 'sons as tall as summer corn'. Very nice overall 
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