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Carpe Diem
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Jul 25th, 2020 02:07 pm
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Killjoy
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https://youtu.be/-rVYNfEds2g

broken hearts, fallen stars
broken homes leave scars
chasing life just to find your place
but just your prescence is a grace
live by the words of carpe diem
just do you and forget about them

and you'll be on your way
to being someone you can love again
just do you
live by the words of carpe diem
just do you and forget about them

time flies, life passes by
stope and feel it I'll tell you why
one day you'll die and you'll be in a box
and there'll be no'one left to give a
live by the words of carpe diem
just do you and forget about them


and you'll be on your way
to being someone you can love again
just do you
live by the words of carpe diem
just do you and forget about them

and you'll be on your way
to being someone you can love again
just do you
live by the words of carpe diem
just do you and forget about them

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 Posted: Sat Jul 25th, 2020 06:56 pm
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motis
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It's a lovely progression and a heartening affirmation of life and self; you do a good job of it solo but I'd sure like to hear it with a full band on it. . . I think the dynamic possibilities of quiet-part/rockin'-part would really add some power to this piece.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 02:03 am
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RainyDayMan
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So much pathos! Strongly emotional which is great.

You might try playing with the tempo, slow it right down to emphasize some spots then speed back up.

Great opening lines:
broken hearts, fallen stars
broken homes leave scars

As a suggestion:
broken homes leave scars > broken homes made of scars

The phrasing of "Carpe Diem" tends to run it together quickly and to me that de-emphasizes it. I don't know if the melody allows it, but slowing it down and really articulating each work might give it more power. This is the title and focus of the song so you want to give it as much spotlight as possible.

to being someone you can love again
just do you
live by the words of carpe diem

Lovely lines, and a great message too. Very strong.

This is a sweet, touching song and I really enjoyed it.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 10:00 pm
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Andrea
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This is an emotionally powerful piece. My issue is that it is very short. I think you have a great song here, but it isn't finished. Some other great suggestions here to make it even stronger. I hope to hear more.



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 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 07:07 am
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findmykeys
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Really nice song and I like the message a lot

My only suggestion is that I think this repeated line is a little clunky in an otherwise elegant lyric:

"Live by the words of cape diem"

Maybe something like "it's your life -cape diem" would flow better. Just a thought.

The "Just do you and forget about them" that follows is great.

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 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 05:29 pm
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JAPOV
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I'd like to hear how would sing this to a steady tempo... Have you ever heard of "Audacity"? It's a basic multitrack program you can download for free. This one definitely deserves a full production!



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