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A rhyme without reason
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Jul 20th, 2020 01:27 am
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LongShadows
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Straight Roads

Improvement makes straight roads; but the crooked roads, without improvement, are roads of genius. William Blake


Improvement makes for straight, straight roads
Well, this one must be done
Don't it go on and on?
Forever and beyond
Slicing through the desert dawn
Seeming both uphill and down
Without a curve or bend
As straight as straight's allowed
With no apparent ending or beginning

Don't bother the cartographer
Nothing here to engineer
And no real need to steer
The path is all too clear
same in the rear view mirror
Only lines so parallel
That they may go straight to Venus
If they don't converge in hell
This ain't no road of genius, I'll warn ya

Last gas for a hundred miles
Well, that's no big surprise
Laying out before my eyes
High above the humming tires
And the sagging tension wires
There is only open sky
Above the endless waveless beach
And if the sun does not arise
Then this road will never reach the far horizon

Gregg Barrett



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 Posted: Mon Jul 20th, 2020 09:46 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like it Gregg!
Particularly these lines:
That they may go straight to Venus
If they don't converge in hell


I wasn't familiar with the quote from Blake, so I'm glad you included that. I like the way you reference both the concrete and the abstract with those lines.

Lines 2-5 appear to rhyme consistently, is that deliberate? If so, what is the thinking there?



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 Posted: Mon Jul 20th, 2020 05:56 pm
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cmaja
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This is good, very good, Gregg... AAA format works perfectly. Stanzas and rhymes are excellent. “This ain’t no road of genius.” —great line! When I travel, I often find myself saying, “Who the hell made this road?” But I like taking the road less traveled by. Oh, and check your gas gage! And don’t believe all the road signs; some are outdated, others are just wrong. Cheers,

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Jul 20th, 2020 08:11 pm
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LongShadows
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RainyDayMan wrote:


Lines 2-5 appear to rhyme consistently, is that deliberate? If so, what is the thinking there?


The entire rhyme scheme is actually fairly rigid, to wit:

First line slightly longer and no end rhyme
L 2-5 soft rhymes AAAA
L 6-9 ABAB with L9 slightly longer and extending beyond the last rhyme.

Improvement makes for straight, straight roads

Well, this one must be done
Don't it go on and on?
Forever and beyond
Slicing through the desert dawn

Seeming both uphill and down
Without a curve or bend
As straight as straight's allowed
With no apparent end ing or beginning


What I was thinking was how many ways could I describe the straightness of the road without belaboring it and thereby proving Blake's point?

Many, many lines did not make the current incarnation. The only two I miss are

tapering to a distant dot
Cracked like a raku pot


But I'll get over it.

As always, thanks for noticing, and you wanna hear it think Tambourine Man

Last edited on Mon Jul 20th, 2020 08:13 pm by LongShadows



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 Posted: Mon Jul 20th, 2020 11:03 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Very cool. Thanks for explaining, helps me appreciate it more.



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 Posted: Tue Jul 21st, 2020 04:54 pm
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LongShadows
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thanks for reading Charles :Guitarman1:



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 03:28 pm
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Andrea
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I think this is nicely written and very clever. It paints a great picture with a good feel. My only question is that it feels more like a poem than a song.



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 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 02:52 am
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LongShadows
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Muchos gracias



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