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Weeping Willow Weep For Me
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 Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2020 06:51 am
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cmaja
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Weeping Willow Weep For Me

Verse 1:
Though I plead, you say we need a break
I know where you’re going with this split
Your new flame says our love’s a mistake
But your love’s much too hard to forget
And your face’s something I can’t shake
But now you really wanna quit
Fly in blue skies you can’t resist

Chorus:
If you leave, take all your shouting
Make it fast, don’t leave me doubting
Don’t walk away with your ‘whatevers’
If you stay make it forever
I know you’re yearning to be free
Like a songbird flees its tree
Weeping willow weep for me

(Short instrumental)

Post chorus:
I know you’re yearning to be free
Like a songbird flees its tree
Weeping willow weep for me

Verse 2:
I can’t sleep, I roam the house all night
‘Cause you’re in your lover’s arms again
Friends text me and say, I’ll be alright
Surely she can still be a good friend
I wish we’d somehow reunite
Like lovebirds soaring to transcend
But I know how it’s gonna end

Chorus:
If you leave, take all your shouting
Make it fast, don’t leave me doubting
Don’t walk away with your ‘whatevers’
If you stay make it forever
I know you’re yearning to be free
Like a songbird flees its tree
Weeping willow weep for me

(Short instrumental)

Post chorus:
I know you’re yearning to be free
Like a songbird flees its tree
Weeping willow weep for me

(Instrumental)

Pre-chorus:
That songbird in the willow tree
Sings his tune of misery
Every morn he cries a dawn
Like his mate has moved along
The song he’s singing seems to be
Weeping willow weep for me

Chorus:
If you leave, take all your shouting
Make it fast, don’t leave me doubting
Don’t walk away with your ‘whatevers’
If you stay make it forever
I know you’re yearning to be free
Like a songbird flees its tree
Weeping willow weep for me

Post chorus:
Weeping willow... weep for me

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Sat Jul 18th, 2020 09:01 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2020 12:43 pm
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MASempine
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at dawn. Typo

It’s good. Some parts fantastic. The willow tree is musical and flowing and just really good.

To me the texts and whatevers are too modern to fit but I can see how the contrast might work really well when it’s sung. Thanks for posting. I’m tired of only seeing my name



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 Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2020 03:45 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Charles, I love the title but can see what MASempine is saying. The post chorus is nice and my favorite part is the prechorus. You’ve got a lot of good to work with.



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 06:48 am
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RainyDayMan
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There's a lot to like here. Good flow to it. Heaps of emotion.

The link to the willow seems a bit tenuous. As a motif it only makes an appearance at the end of the chorus/post-chorus and the songbird is as significant as the willow there. You might consider referencing it earlier in the song as the place they pledged their love or something like that.



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 05:45 pm
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cmaja
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MASempine wrote:
at dawn. Typo

It’s good. Some parts fantastic. The willow tree is musical and flowing and just really good.

To me the texts and whatevers are too modern to fit but I can see how the contrast might work really well when it’s sung. Thanks for posting. I’m tired of only seeing my name


Thanks, MAS, for your review and positive comments. ‘Text’ is perfectly commonplace nowadays. ‘Whatevers’ suggest immaturity on her part.

If I posted everything I write, it’d be too much.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 05:48 pm
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cmaja
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
Charles, I love the title but can see what MASempine is saying. The post chorus is nice and my favorite part is the prechorus. You’ve got a lot of good to work with.

Hey, Mike... See my reply above. Glad you like it.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 05:52 pm
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
There's a lot to like here. Good flow to it. Heaps of emotion.

The link to the willow seems a bit tenuous. As a motif it only makes an appearance at the end of the chorus/post-chorus and the songbird is as significant as the willow there. You might consider referencing it earlier in the song as the place they pledged their love or something like that.


Hey, RD Man... appreciate your accolades. I agree with you about the willow and bird. I’ll probably tweak it a bit.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 09:06 pm
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MASempine
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Willow tree is nostalgic, grand, poetic

I know texts and whatever’s are modern and common place. That was my point. Unless you are trying to contrast the magical past to the whatever’s of today, you are messing up a really good song



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 09:08 pm
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cmaja
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Well, RD Man, I changed it. While I was writing this originally, I was thinking the verses should have a reference to the willow and/or the birds. You confirmed my what I intuitively knew how it should be written. Thanks,

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 09:19 pm
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MASempine
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The grizzled old gunslinging gal
Sat down and blew some smoke
“You want a sarsaparilla, Sal?”
“I’ll take a Diet Coke”

The willow tree and the bird are the saloon
The text and whatever are the diet coke



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 09:23 pm
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cmaja
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MASempine wrote:
Willow tree is nostalgic, grand, poetic

I know texts and whatever’s are modern and common place. That was my point. Unless you are trying to contrast the magical past to the whatever’s of today, you are messing up a really good song


Text and whatever today are like phones calls and ‘cool’ were sixty to seventy years ago. This lyric is for young people to be sung by a young singer. It’s the magic of today. The past is not magical to the youth of today, it just old.

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 10:19 pm
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RainyDayMan
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That's definitely strengthened the theme!

It occurred to me whilst re-reading that the Songbird could be the one leaving, and the willow tree the one with the broken heart, but that may need too many changes to bring it off.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 19th, 2020 02:19 am
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
That's definitely strengthened the theme!

It occurred to me whilst re-reading that the Songbird could be the one leaving, and the willow tree the one with the broken heart, but that may need too many changes to bring it off.


Thanks, RD Man... I tried to incorporate the tree or willow in the verses somehow, but it didn’t work.

Yea, the willow is such a good symbol of sadness. When I was a kid, there was a willow down the street from where I grew up. I used to love hanging around it. It was so peaceful with it branches bending down into the creek sipping up the water. Songbirds aplenty and frogs and tiny minnows swimming in the shallow water. And the humidity was higher there than the surrounding field adding to the soft and gentleness of the willow environment.

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Jul 19th, 2020 02:23 am
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I like it a whole lot. The way it is posted above, on this date, works for me.
I mean hey, if Nicki Minaj can use lyrics like
"You a ho
You a ho
You a ho"
and make millions, then...
But seriously, I would love to HEAR your song!



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 Posted: Sun Jul 19th, 2020 02:42 am
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cmaja
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MASempine wrote:
The grizzled old gunslinging gal
Sat down and blew some smoke
“You want a sarsaparilla, Sal?”
“I’ll take a Diet Coke”

The willow tree and the bird are the saloon
The text and whatever are the diet coke


Hey, MAS... Not too many young ones today know about sarsaparilla. Don’t wanna lose my audience.

When I taught HS, I helped out one of my English teacher friends by doing a two week program on lyric writing. I had this lyric I wrote, ‘Hello, It’s Me, Again,’ that I introduced to one class about a love sick suitor trying to win back his beloved using messages left on her answering machine. When I go through reading it, the class was silent. Then one student said, ‘“Why didn’t he just text her? It woulda been a whole lot easier.” Then the other students chimed in with the advantages of texting over calling and leaving messages. Point is we’re dealing with a different audience than those who can relate to Sal.

Charles

Last edited on Sun Jul 19th, 2020 06:06 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Sun Jul 19th, 2020 05:59 am
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cmaja
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Tekboy wrote:
I like it a whole lot. The way it is posted above, on this date, works for me.
I mean hey, if Nicki Minaj can use lyrics like
"You a ho
You a ho
You a ho"
and make millions, then...
But seriously, I would love to HEAR your song!


Hey, Tekboy... I’d love to hear it too. But I need a composer to do the music.

Nicki Minaj, huh. If the music’s good, the lyrics can be crap and it’ll still make money. But not visa-versa.

Glad you like it!

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Jul 22nd, 2020 02:15 pm
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I happen to know a guy who might be able to help you with the music, and he lives in your area. His name is Glen Hansen, and he plays bass in a Worship Team at Bethel Church. He is also bass player for a seriously good Pink Floyd Tribute Band. Known him since he was 5 years old.
He is one of the nicest people I have ever known, and if you make contact with him, tell him Joey Feller sent you. :)



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 Posted: Wed Jul 22nd, 2020 06:48 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks for the info on the contact, Tekboy...

Charles



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 Posted: Thu Jul 23rd, 2020 02:41 am
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You missed my point. Diet Coke. Not Sarsparilla.

Texters aren't looking at weeping willows and song birds. They have playlists--not mother nature.

Anyway--looks like youre getting attention from teh music side. You're doing great. Mix them metaphors. I mean what's a metaphor anyway? To graze cows in, right?



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 Posted: Thu Jul 23rd, 2020 06:59 am
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cmaja
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MASempine wrote:
You missed my point. Diet Coke. Not Sarsparilla.

Texters aren't looking at weeping willows and song birds. They have playlists--not mother nature.

Anyway--looks like youre getting attention from teh music side. You're doing great. Mix them metaphors. I mean what's a metaphor anyway? To graze cows in, right?


Hey MAS, I didn’t miss your point at all! Many of these, as you call them, texter are very sensitive and capable people and musicians. The person that got me into writing lyrics was one of my students (texters). He was an excellent drummer in a local metal band. He asked me to help him write lyrics and, after studying up on it, I developed the craft. Some of the lyrics we wrote together are quite poetic and sensitive. He was a fetal-alcohol baby who turned into an excellent young man. Partly because his interest in music which helped him deal with his disabilities. Some of the lyrics, my English class students wrote, were full of ‘willows, songbirds and sarsaparilla.’ Texting is only a means of communication. It doesn’t make one insensitive or unaware of nature. And by the way I have a whole series of playlists.

Thanks for you continued interest and comments.

Charles



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