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| Posted: Fri Jul 17th, 2020 12:17 am |
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1st Post |
RainbowKeeper
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Hey guys,
I have written this piece and I’m proud of it because it came from very very deep inside. After I got my first reaction to it I’m wondering if it may be not the best „image“ to use for a song. I don’t see that I make fun of anyone or something else that could lead to a „bad“ connotation. Yeah sure, I asked myself (while writing it) how a person who is unable to see react to these lyrics, but once again I don’t wrote this to condemn blind ppl. I just used the image for a (personal) reason and to show how it could help our society. So I decided to post it here and get some feedback.
If you want to give feedback on something else in the lyrics you are welcome to post that too.
Ty
RK
The dark
Sometimes I wish that we were all blind. A‘
Not forever but a certain time
Sure some will drown in their self pity
But many could make it to their prime
We would find some rest and we’d listen
It would teach us how to feel again
We’d get more aware of ourselves
And feel it all, happiness and pain
In this darkness we really could grow. A+
We’d get stronger where the shadows play
We would start to act, to help, to guide
Until our blindness will fade away
Then we will learn to appreciate
All the different coulours around us
We will smile when they pass us by
They will make us dance and calm the fuss
The dark will make us see. B
What we overlook by light
The dark will make us see
What’s good and what’s right
The dark will make us see
All we overlook by light
It will help ourselves
Shining warm and bright
Now close your eyes for a while C
Take a deep breath and listen
Now close your eyes for a while
It will clear up your own definition
Now close your eyes for a while
Take a deep breath and listen
Now close your eyes for a while
This will cure your blurred vision
Reopen your eyes and I’m sure
You will make the right decision
No chance to classify by the looks. A*
But able to hear the whole worlds‘ sound
We’d be able to really listen
This is where our true self can be found
© by Ian P.
13.07.2020/18:14
W by Ian P.
for: VB
____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 07:12 am |
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2nd Post |
RainyDayMan
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I don't think you would offend a blind person with your lyric, though it is possible they would say you don't understand the reality of being blind (and who of us with sight could?)
The first line is confronting, but it quickly softens with your explanation: temporarily remove sight to appreciate how wonderful everything truly is.
This line feels a bit insensitive:
Sure some will drown in their self pity
but not drastically so.
You could potentially rewrite this in the 1st person, as in:
blind my eyes so I can see...
It might give it a more intimate feel. And it is harder to offend anyone that way.
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| Posted: Sat Jul 18th, 2020 11:12 am |
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3rd Post |
RainbowKeeper
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Ty for your opinion and feedback rdm!
____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Fri Aug 21st, 2020 11:56 pm |
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4th Post |
arthursatine
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I would love to hear this. Really deep. I like the mood of this lyrics. Don't you record songs?
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22nd, 2020 12:00 am |
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5th Post |
RainbowKeeper
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Hey,
Thanx!
I wish I could record stuff like I did in my early time but atm it’s impossible for me.
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Hey y’all !
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Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22nd, 2020 12:07 am |
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6th Post |
arthursatine
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Why can't you do this? It's sad to hear it
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| Posted: Sat Aug 22nd, 2020 12:15 am |
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7th Post |
RainbowKeeper
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Well in these times singing is considered a crime...and here at home I don’t have the equipment to record.
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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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